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No, because likely he was molested by someone else.
This is merely possible, not "likely." The claim that 12-year-olds don't know anything feels good without being shown by an adult is so patently ignorant that I wonder if people actually mean it when they say it. (Were they ever 12??)
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The parents need to get a good lawyer to represent themselves as well.
One thing in your post that is indisputable.
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This is a tragedy, and will shake up the family like none can imagine, but he did it because of a reason and it should not be marginalized by anyone.
The boy's conduct was bad behavior, not a tragedy. The tragedy is the result of the disclosure of it, and the family being opened up to the social worker vultures. Thank goodness at least OP is available to try and minimize the harm.
Perhaps....but then from a legal standpoint you might be placing yourself at risk if your child does it again, or someone finds out. Along with the moral factor in deciding family is more important than the community. I agree you have to tailor each situation to each child in most cases,however I'm not sure the child would have access to the types of help needed if parents just took him to a doctor themselves compared to the legal system who knows the type of experts that work well with his condition. On the possibly negative point also the fact that having even a juvenile record might prove useful to police/courts if he happens to do it again in the future.
Actually even taking the kid to a doctor and telling him what happened would put the doctor in the position of manditiory reporter, in which case the police show up at the door and the first thing mom and dad and other adults who know have to answer to is why they didn't report it. And would it be possible for someone to be in attendance every single time he was with his sister or other siblings?
Not to mention this probably robs the little girl of treatment.
From what I have been told by my mom, the people at the DETFAC say he's doing better but previously he was not handling the situation well. They say he's adamant that he had never been touched by anyone, however, they believe that he's holding it inside and may disclose more as time passes. I know my nephew and he probably thinks that if he spills the beans on who did this to him, he'll been in even bigger trouble regardless of what they tell him. I know this is a tactic molesters use on children to keep them quiet. The only other explanation is that he witnessed some type of heinous pornography, possibly at a younger age either by fellow students at school or others, and was unable to handle it. I suppose it could be anything, but I still have great suspicion that his father (stepfather, actually) had something to do with it.
Now that this whole incident has happened, I'm slowly beginning to learn more and more about this abusive relationship my sister was in with this guy. He was a real dirtbag. I'm of course not CERTAIN, but I'm ALMOST certain that he had something to do with the damage that has been done to this child, and now look where it has brought us.
I know my nephew and he probably thinks that if he spills the beans on who did this to him, he'll been in even bigger trouble regardless of what they tell him. I know this is a tactic molesters use on children to keep them quiet. The only other explanation is that he witnessed some type of heinous pornography, possibly at a younger age either by fellow students at school or others, and was unable to handle it.
The only other explanation? Really? A combination of horniness, curiosity, and opportunity is not a sufficient explanation?
Have you considered the ramifications that could follow (including for you) if you try to coerce him to reveal things about his stepdad and they turn out not to be true? With enough pressure he might tell you what he thinks you want to hear. That's how we ended up with scandals like Wenatchee and Fells Acres.
The only other explanation? Really? A combination of horniness, curiosity, and opportunity is not a sufficient explanation?
Have you considered the ramifications that could follow (including for you) if you try to coerce him to reveal things about his stepdad and they turn out not to be true? With enough pressure he might tell you what he thinks you want to hear. That's how we ended up with scandals like Wenatchee and Fells Acres.
It's absolutely possible that this could be an explanation, however, I remember being 12 and hormones kicking in like that... I never looked at a 6 year old like that and those thoughts never even remotely crossed my mind. I was clearly able to see that a 6,7,8,9+ year old child was way under my age group and did not find myself being sexually attracted to or in any way aroused by them.
As for coercing my nephew to admit something that hasn't happened, I haven't even had a chance to speak with him yet... If anyone is going to coerce him, I'm sure CPS will take care of that LONG before I do.
As for coercing my nephew to admit something that hasn't happened, I haven't even had a chance to speak with him yet... If anyone is going to coerce him, I'm sure CPS will take care of that LONG before I do.
I disagree with djacques about almost everything related to this topic, but he is right that coercion isn't the way to go. Listen, a lot, ask open-ended questions, consult with professionals about how to talk with your nephew, but be careful not to coerce him into providing an answer about whether he was abused and by whom. It is hard in situations like this where everyone wants answers, please give your nephew the space to share the truth (which may well be that he was abused, but we don't know that yet).
I also want to wish you the best of luck in taking him in. Please make sure you have a support network for yourself of professionals you can call for advice or find parents of similar-aged kids. I think it is very kind of you to try to help him.
The only possible improvement is abolition. Actual child abuse is a crime and ought to be handled as such, by professionals who understand and respect their constitutional limits--not as an jobs program for otherwise unemployable busybodies.
Actual child abuse has only been a crime for a short amount of time in this country.
You may or may not realize that the first case of child abuse prosecuted in 1874 had to be prosecuted under animal abuse laws because there were no laws against abusing children.
The child protection system protects children every hour of the day. Unfortunately, the public seldom hears about child protection's successes. Indeed, the only time child protection makes the front page or the evening news is when something goes terribly wrong: social workers fail to remove an endangered child who ends up dead, or social workers remove children when they should not. Both scenarios-over- and underintervention- are inevitable in the difficult work of child protection.
Imo, the biggest problem today is the work overload. Case workers have far too many cases and too little training in dealing with them.
I disagree with djacques about almost everything related to this topic, but he is right that coercion isn't the way to go. Listen, a lot, ask open-ended questions, consult with professionals about how to talk with your nephew, but be careful not to coerce him into providing an answer about whether he was abused and by whom. It is hard in situations like this where everyone wants answers, please give your nephew the space to share the truth (which may well be that he was abused, but we don't know that yet).
I also want to wish you the best of luck in taking him in. Please make sure you have a support network for yourself of professionals you can call for advice or find parents of similar-aged kids. I think it is very kind of you to try to help him.
That's where a *specialized* therapist comes into play. They don't coerce, but let the child feel it safe enough to talk about it. Most of the time family (if they have visits) and fosters are not allowed to talk about it.
One of the reasons there will be suspicion that he was is the mother's relationship with this man. Another is that instead of finding a twelve year old girl, he paid his attentions to his six year old sister. If someone did something to him, its likely it was when he was that age. If the man is being abusive, to the mother, he won't ever go back to that family if he's there.
I sincerely hope that the boys mother is offered help to try to pull her out of this relationship, but of course in the end the only one who can decide that is her.
Actual child abuse has only been a crime for a short amount of time in this country.
You may or may not realize that the first case of child abuse prosecuted in 1874 had to be prosecuted under animal abuse laws because there were no laws against abusing children.
Imo, the biggest problem today is the work overload. Case workers have far too many cases and too little training in dealing with them.
I belonged to this informal 'group' for people suffering from depression and this one woman really defined their job and the toll it takes. She's worked for CPS for ten years, but when she was moved to the sexual abuse area she had a breakdown in a year. She said they had so many cases, and scheduled home visits in an office, not in the real world. If she had time for three in a day, there were ten on the list. She had to decide which of the ten were at the greatest risk and hope that the rest would be lucky. One of her clients ended up injured who she hadn't been able to see, and the cascade began.
I dislike the whole way they can dictate without appeal, for it CAN be abuses, but on the other hand there IS a real problem and most abusers know who they are and on the outside things do look fine, so what do you do?
I can't possibly imagine doing that job and the cost it would have.
I'm going to have my nephew stay with me. The county authorities and the judge both agree that he is too young to be placed in the juvenile justice system and it will do more harm than help. I have a representative from the county authorities in this matter (I'm assuming CPS) come to do a home inspection on Monday and interview with me.
Apparently, they are going to have someone with a PhD in something relating to children, psycology, and sexual abuse do an evaluation of him. The evaluation is determine what the chances of him doing what he did again are. Based on that report, the judge will decide to A) let him stay with me and recieve counseling/therapy for X amount of time, or B) place him in a facility where he can undergo more intensive therapy, be released form said facility and live with me.
In either case, I'm still not sure how long he will be with me before he could go home again. I'm thinking worst case scenario 12-18 months. Who knows.
Truth be told, I'm scared as hell. I don't know how to raise a kid, I have no idea how to raise a kid. What if I screw up? What if I make things worse somehow because of my inexperience in this matter? I'm 28 and have a few friends with children but they are all 5-6yrs or younger. I volunteered for this even though I have not a clue how to be a parent, adding the fact that this is a special needs child which adds a whole new dynamic to the situation...
Either you didn't mention it before or I missed that he is a child with special needs. Depending on what type of special needs it may make a difference in how this is handled by CPS & the courts. For example, if he is cognitively delayed his mental and social age could be years younger than 12.
Sometimes a person that loves a child but has no parenting experience is better than a stranger with years of parenting experience. Just be sure to carefully follow whatever rules are set up about contact with younger children or his siblings.
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