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I think this is the governments and schools fault for this. My daughter just turn 15 and she has yet to take a sex Ed class. Wen I was younger all 5th & 6th graders were required to take sex Ed unles ur parents signed a paper with holding you. My son is about to turn 13 and he too has never had a sex Ed class and the way this world is becoming I find it completely insulting lazy and mostly sad that our schools have let this important necessity slip and ppl wonder why it’s so easy for predators to prey. Something needs to happen bcuz in 20 year nearly everyone will have some kind of sexual charge
First, YOU as the parent should be teaching your child about Sex Ed and health! No one should be relying on the schools to do it for them!
With that said, every school district is different. Before we moved our child's old school had started Sex Ed in 4th grade. Her new school doesn't start it till 6th and the parents have to sign a permission slip otherwise the child can not participate in the classes which include Sex Ed and STD's, Abuse and Health in general. Some schools don't teach it at all. Personally I think it's the parents responsibility.
Agh! Good lord. Resurrected thread nightmare, I was reading from the beginning like this was current. I'm glad I realized it wasn't before I replied. I was pretty appalled at how the 12 year old boy was being treated as though he was a malicious adult.
I started sharing appropriate information with my kids when they were pretty little. For one thing, it's not unusual at all for children to touch themselves. So telling them that it's important to seek privacy for that...that's somewhere to start. And that it's not ok for other people to touch them "there" or for them to touch other people "there." Stuff like that. More as they got older. The full on reproduction talk around 9. I do not, at ALL, believe that this responsibility should be left up to the schools. Not only on principle because it's lazy parenting, but more significantly, you cannot share your values with your kids if you aren't teaching them anything. In fact I opted NOT to have my younger son attend the sex ed class, because a.) He has social anxiety and was being bullied and didn't want to be in a charged and uncomfortable environment, and b.) The sex ed in his school, is very "abstinence only." I don't believe in that and I think it's a ridiculous expectation to have of a teenager in today's day and age. It's nice if they choose it, but I am not gonna hold my breath, and I'm certainly not going to skimp on talking about consent (which was not taught at all in MY sex ed classes in school) nor will I neglect to discuss birth control and STI prevention, relationship ethics, a host of things.
But it drives me bonkers that people act like children are sexless, innocent little angels. No, they are not. Neither boys, nor girls, not at age 12, or 10, or even 5 or 6 or 7. Children are uncivilized little goblins who understand immediate gratification better than they understand nearly anything else, they have to be supervised and trained to be otherwise. You are not born understanding that it's wrong to do things that feel good and intrigue you, with your younger sibling, you have to be taught that. If everyone around a kid is acting like sexuality doesn't even exist and isn't even a thing, and they are unsupervised, then shenanigans might just ensue. Is it all very icky and uncomfortable to us adults to contemplate? Oh, certainly it is. But we don't always get to simply ignore that which makes us uncomfortable. We all have to learn how to behave, and if nobody is teaching, then kids will go straight up Lord of the Flies. Honestly I find it weird how I remember clearly how mean and nasty other children were when I was a child among them...does no one else remember anything of this?
This is a good resource on typical sexual development vs. potentially problematic sexual behavior - reading through it confirms many of the early suggestions on this thread that the 12 year old was likely exposed to abuse, pornography, or some other form of atypical sexual experience that lead to this behavior with his sister. Parents need to know that their children are sexual beings and educate them accordingly.
Not even out of elementary?? Was he held back? He's 12...he should be in 8th grade middle school. Anhway sorry but hopefully he is kept far away from rest of the family forever.
Old thread guys. But ya know, if I could wish anything for that boy, it would be that he was not treated like a deviant, but rather given counseling and maybe relocated to the household of another family member, or fostered with good, healthy, happy people, with no younger siblings and no abuse, where he could have good role models and learn better behavior.
That would be the best outcome.
Remember too, that in this case, gender matters, because a 12 year old boy hasn't really run face-first into puberty yet, he's still very much a KID. And man...there was no abuse, molestation, or exposure to porn when I was a child, yet me and a couple of neighbor girls certainly got up to some stuff along the "playing Doctor" lines, that would have upset adults. I've known quite well what feels good to do on my own, since further back than I can remember. Before I was even 4 or 5, certainly. It's pretty natural and normal to be interested and curious. And there was no penetration, and the younger sibling didn't even seem particularly harmed or traumatized. All I'm saying is...try not to project adult stuff onto child behavior. This boy was not some kind of a predator. He was just a kid who needed more supervision and teaching than what he was getting, IMO. I would revise my opinion if I knew more about the "other behavior problems" the OP had mentioned, but still. If he was treated with disgust and shunned from the family, that would only further make him develop into a dysfunctional adult.
Not even out of elementary?? Was he held back? He's 12...he should be in 8th grade middle school. Anhway sorry but hopefully he is kept far away from rest of the family forever.
I think you may be miscalculating. I was one of the youngest kids in my cohort and turned 12 shortly after finishing 6th grade. Nearly all of my friends were 12 most of the year. Where I come from, 6th grade is still in elementary school (though I know many places where it is the start of middle school.)
Also, being kept far away from family tends to exacerbate the internalized shame and compound the issue. Being ostracized as a 12 year old has a funny way of making a kid feel bad enough about himself that he turns to a life of crime...
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