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I am kind of wondering why people should have to explain to you (or anyone else) why they aren't having children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe
It is not two different things. The end result is the same: they're saying they don't want kids. Of course things happen or doesn't happen where it doesn't quite jive with the original statement/intent of not wanting kids-- Life happens.
If its perfectly fine for anyone not to want kids, then why do they have to refine their "excuse" for you? Unless they are your potential mate, why do they have to clarify their biological intentions?
Nope--one implies they think they can't due to expenses. One can apply to people not having them now, or still wanting them, when expecting conditions to be "perfect:" i.e. they're actively trying to save "enough". The other may not want kids, even if they were capable of raising one or two kids and maintaining the same lifestyle they already have. It's not the same. One implies: "I don't think I can have kids because... ."The other states: "I just don't want kids--period."
^As for the other previous comment. People usually do want better than they had, which is fine; but just think, in many people's case, their parents already thought they were doing great. It somewhat implies no matter how nice you may have had it as a kid, you're still somewhat dissatisfied come adulthood. The need to outdo our parents is a good example of a good intention that can become a mountain out of a molehill.
Nope--one implies they think they can't due to expenses. One can apply to people not having them now, or still wanting them, when expecting conditions to be "perfect:" i.e. they're actively trying to save "enough". The other may not want kids, even if they were capable of raising one or two kids and maintaining the same lifestyle they already have. It's not the same. One implies: "I don't think I can have kids because... ."The other states: "I just don't want kids--period."
^As for the other previous comment. People usually do want better than they had, which is fine; but just think, in many people's case, their parents already thought they were doing great. It somewhat implies no matter how nice you may have had it as a kid, you're still somewhat dissatisfied come adulthood. The need to outdo our parents is a good example of a good intention that can become a mountain out of a molehill.
I asked why people should have to explain to you why they are (or aren't) having children.
And I can't make any sense out of this so.... Here's the bottom line, IMHO. It's a personal choice. And the reason is none of anyone else's business.
I asked why people should have to explain to you why they are (or aren't) having children.
And I can't make any sense out of this so.... Here's the bottom line, IMHO. It's a personal choice. And the reason is none of anyone else's business.
Agree. OP, I don't understand why it seems to be such a sticking point for you that they don't answer the way you want them too. If you don't care if they have kids or not, why care how they answer your question?
Maybe in THEIR minds that IS why they don't want to have kids. Same could be said for those of us who only have one. Kids are expensive. Our one just started college and boy am I glad we only have one. Not sure it's even possible to save enough ahead of time these days to put them through......
Personally speaking here, it's all about personal choice. We all want to give our kids a good life, but the definition of 'good life' varies from person to person. In my case, when it came to child planning, it was all about being able to financially meet the average needs/necessities - food, clothing, education and related expenses, medical insurance, those types of things. IMHO, our children don't need brand name clothes, family vacations every year, eating out every week, tons of toys, pools, yada yada... all of those things are gravy. Most of our parents didn't have that much money and yet we never wanted for anything. I'm not knocking those people who want to be able to do all of that for their children. Like I said, it's a personal decision. At the same time, we're stopping at two children because we'd rather not have to struggle if we don't have to.
Just wanted to mention, for people who live in urban environments, the home/backyard isn't particularly attainable and isn't really a necessity. That's what city parks are for. Also, if you move into a good school district, you shouldn't have to pay for private schools. Those are all nice things, but if you don't have them, they're really no big deal. Just my opinion.
Yeah as long as you have food stamps ---- 47 million Americans are on them, a lot of them women and children.
A lot of these people are single but a lot of them are also families. So obviously it doesn't always work out so well. Especially in these times.
[Oleg, with no food stamp program, what do poor families in Canada do? ---]
In Canada they have food banks, soup kitchens, tons of second hand clothes, and welfare. (some of the kids living on welfare get way more opportunities and support than those of the "working poor").
I can't afford them. It's not the financial but I can afford the time and patience in such an investment. I always look at every decision as an investment. Is it worth it to me? Can I profit in someway out of this? When it comes to being a parent. I cannot and I've been vilified on a number of occasions because of it. It is what it is.
Hey Yellow Jacket...kudos to you for being honest..I don't think any less of someone who chooses to remain childless, it's your choice.
Nope--one implies they think they can't due to expenses. One can apply to people not having them now, or still wanting them, when expecting conditions to be "perfect:" i.e. they're actively trying to save "enough". The other may not want kids, even if they were capable of raising one or two kids and maintaining the same lifestyle they already have.
In the case of my friend, she considers anyone not among her close friends that this question is none of their business. Given the vast amount of criticism she has received for simply not wanting them, from questioning her mental health to suggesting therapy and all manner of idiocy, she tends to give a reason that will most quickly shut the nosy busy-body up. I know she has used the cannot properly afford them as effective at this in the past.
So it would be better to have children and then spend the rest of your lives living in poverty, unable to give them a decent life with proper housing, good food, education, healthcare and nice clothes? Do you think parents like that enjoy telling their kids they can't have Christmas presents this year or new clothes? To have to endure the humiliation of food banks, welfare stamps and free lunches at school? Oh yes, that's a great way to live.
Yknow, I never did understand why people are villified for choosing to not have children. WTH?? I don't really think or care about such personal things. It's their choice. If anything, good for them for realizing that having children isn't for them, whatever the reason. Children aren't dolls. They are a lifelong commitment and being a parent is probably the toughest "job" you'll ever love. Some people are on board for that, others aren't. It's all good!
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Here's the bottom line, IMHO. It's a personal choice. And the reason is none of anyone else's business.
