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For the past 2 weeks, there is this group of boys that keep bullying my daughter. I have called the school principal, and they said "we are looking into the matter. We will talk to the group of boys to get them to stop bullying your daughter." Within 2 weeks, my daughter and her friends said they did nothing at all. I emailed the school principal and school board. They said they "looked into the matter. We are trying to do all we can to get these boys to stop bullying your daughter." They wont do anything else. I would go into the school board, but I dont want to get into a fight and yell at them because when other parents went in, they got into a fight with the school superintendent.
Raise a stink, be VERY vocal, demand action, and take it as high as possible till it's fixed.
This is YOUR baby girl for christs sake; DEFEND her, stand up for her, protect her!
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Originally Posted by ace105
My daughter is currently 12 turning 13 late Febuary. She is in the 7th grade and this group of boys is in the same grade. It mostly happens when the classes switch. The worst they have ever done was they pushed my daughter against a locker and punched her in the face. I checked my emails and at 2:46PM the school board sent me an email saying that they didn't have any proof of the bullying because they abuse her in the hall that dosent have a camera. They are having students go into the principals office and explain what is happening. So they are doing something. I requested that hallway get a camera. However, my daughter might get in trouble also because when they pushed my daughter against the locker, she slapped one of the boys in the face. Should I fight self-defense, or be passive?
Teach her to kick them in the crotch, and put the side of her hand (blade) into their windpipe. DO NOT let her pull punches. Teach her how to incapacitate someone if they hurt her, there ARE evil mf'ers in this world that WILL NOT think twice about kidnapping a young pretty thing and turn them into the sex slave industry. She needs to defend herself against ALL potential threats.
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Originally Posted by Steve Bagu
Teach her to kick the boy in the groin when assaulted.
I instilled into their minds that they do not have to take any crap from any boy or girl that menaced them.
I also told them that they were NOT to hit anyone first or they would have to deal with me at home.....if punched to hit back hard as possible and I would be at the Deans office lickety split. Never had to go.
When approached at school by a bully of sorts they stood their ground and the potential bully person backed off.
It can work....just takes "huevos".
Well said!
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Originally Posted by EvilCookie
I, for one, can't for the life of me understand how people are advocating on here for the girl to physically fight back - did no one read where it says that it's a GROUP of BOYS against ONE GIRL??? Unless she's a black belt in karate, how the hell are people expecting her to fight them off?? Even a single grown male is not likely to withstand an attack from a group of males his own size. Here for all you know you can have a tiny girl against a bunch of much stronger boys. Would you be saying the same if you were talking about a grown woman repeatedly getting attacked by a group of men? Seriously, people.
I would rather my dear daughters go down fighting, then laying there are being taken advantage of. I dunno about you, but fighting back is important to our family. I guess it'sa mix of how we were raised and our hobbies; we don't start s**t, but we will do our best to finish it.
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Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom
The reason you don't want your child to be considered guilty of fighting is because you don't want them sent to alternative school where all the real troublemakers are.
My daughters can defend themselves, but it's not anything that can be used at school. We've taught them how to defend themselves against other kids, what to do if someone tries to grab them and carry them away, what to do if someone breaks in, etc. My older daughter can shoot every gun we own. But she didn't know how to stop the boys who kept squeezing her butt in the lunch line, or other unwanted physical contact. If she turned around and hit them, that would definitely catch a teacher's eye...but then the boy would deny his part in things and my daughter would probably be the only one who got in trouble.
If I were her, I would scream at the TOP of my lungs, "would you please stop grabbing my a**; I don't like you, so back OFF!" That will get attention, and more than likely get the boy to stop, lol.
If I were her, I would scream at the TOP of my lungs, "would you please stop grabbing my a**; I don't like you, so back OFF!" That will get attention, and more than likely get the boy to stop, lol.
She was only in the 4th grade, and she was convinced that she was dirty somehow because the boys were bothering her and not the other girls. (she developed early)
I know as a child (and still as an adult), I didn't WANT to fight. I didn't want to HAVE to fight. I didn't want to deal with it. I just wanted to be left alone, I wanted to be protected, without getting hurt in the process. As adults, we accept that each one of us has the right to not be attacked or abused, physically or mentally, that we have the right not to engage in physical violence, that there are agencies that need to protect us. Why aren't we offering that same level of protection, that same respect, to kids??
It's just completely wrong on so many levels.
I completely agree with you. Kids have always been told to "be kids" and they had to learn to stand up for themselves and take a beating. That's what made boys become men and girls needed to learn how to deal with catty behavior. We live in a different world now where kids are not afraid to severely injure other children or kill them; with the internet there are various ways to humiliate a child and post videos and pictures of their torture. I have a relative who was being beaten up and they posted it on YOUTUBE! The teachers pretended not to see it happening and even his parents thought he was the one who provoked it. I think we all need to admit a lot of schools aren't willing to step up to the plate and intervene because "kids should be kids" or some crap like that. It's one thing to have a bully take away your cookie every now and then and call you four-eyes, and another to have them physically assault you, sexually harass you, or beat you within an inch of life. Kids know they can escalate it because the adults aren't really going to be paying attention, nor do they care.
At this point, I think the OP needs to document everything that happens to her daughter, get the boys' names, and get the cops involved.
I cannot agree on " run" unless the violence is apparent serious injury/ rape or anything serious.,,, then just RUN. and as for any child that is bullied, why? you are the parent, why is your child afraid? why can they not confide in you if there is a problem? The hardest thing I heard was the truth as a mom,,, but I listened, figured the solution with my boys and then later cried or laughed or whatever. I was a single mom, and had to be a tough cookie,,, not is all well with life out there,,, so I had to teach my kids to protect themselves n future families. The worse was giving my son a good tail whipping for leaving his brand new bike unlocked at a city park, in a major city- they stole it day 1--,,, why?? trusting people, being in lala land moving from family neighborly community into the city enviorment. I had to drive it home...hard- not all are your freinds and you gotta learn HOW to manuever around all this. Parents see self in your kids eyes and what have you taught them about coping , about life and the real world, Do you know where your children are,, not just physically?! and as for the schools, you know its going on- and they sitting on thier laurels,,, tell em you going to call the MEDIA. and let them investgate
Who said anything about being a doormat? The truth is schools are notorious for blaming the victim. They will turn around and say it's HER fault and next thing you know she'll be the one suspended. I had friends in school whose siblings were suspended because the teachers or principal would have them write the bullies names down on a list and before you knew it, it was a "hit list." My point is, the OP needs to be careful how she handles this and what she chooses to instruct her daughter to do.
But who cares if she gets in trouble as long as the bullying stops? Two of my sons have had run ins with bullies and both have resisted and gotten in trouble for resisting. But the important thing is that when they resisted and fought back the bullying stopped. Getting in a little bit of trouble is a small trade off for having peace in your life.
I get where you're coming from, but again, would you advocate an adult woman at the same situation, ie. repeated assaults with clear physical and strength disadvantage, with several against one, to physically fight back in order to develop confidence and independence rather than rely on other measures, such as authorities and/or avoiding the place where this takes place? When it's very probable that fighting back would not accomplish anything except amuse and/or anger the abusers?
To be fair the poster you are responding to did not say that the OPs daughter should not rely on other measures. In fact she mentions the other measures which do include authority figures (the principal).
Instead of replying to everyone individually, I'll just write this and touch on the points I want to make. I promise I won't make too much work for Jaded today. I do feel strongly about this topic and some of the choices people have claimed to make I feel do a great disservice to their children in the long run.
There are basically two camps in this discussion. I don't know exactly what to call them, but let's go wtih; "don't defend yourself" and "defend yourself". I am firmly in the "defend yourself" camp based on not only my own experience, but that of others and the experience of being a parent. What I find most ironic is that in all of these threads (and there have been dozens) the "don't defend yourself" crowd is always seeking advice about how to deal with bullying while the "defend yourself" crowd is offering it and then getting ridiculed for the advice they give. Let's see...one group always needing advice about how to deal with bullies...another one always offering it while not complaining about issues with bullies...
One of the most common criticisms levelled against the "defend yourself" people is that they are "victim blaming". Someone said it already and it was an excellent point...it's not "victim blaming" but encouraging and teaching people to "not be a victim". Not to get into a dissertation on victimology, but when someone holds the mentality of being a victim they are opening themselves up to continuing to be victimized. It is not blaming anyone to teach them to not mentally be a victim. NO ONE deserves to be bullied and bullying is wrong. However, stopping it does involve a degree of introspection, realization and courage that end with the victim being empowered to deal with the bully. This is why schools and society at large no matter how draconian the policy and severe the consequence are unable to stop bullying. If you want to stop bullying teach your kids to not be a victim.
Teaching someone to not be a victim is dependent upon empowering them to handle the situation themselves. This would ideally start at young age, but you are never to old to learn. Now "handle it" is not synonymous with becoming a ninja and bashing bullies skulls in. Being able to physically defend yourself in a basic way is important, but never having to is the goal. Physical bullying is rather rare, verbal and mental bullying are much more prevalent. Many times phyiscal bullying is just the culmination of other forms of bullying.
This is where not being a victim comes in. Bullies are like sharks. They go into a frenzy when they smell blood in the water. In this case the "blood" is the reaction of their victim. If a bully mocks you and your reaction is to cry, run away, tell a teacher, etc. the bully has won and knows they can continue. Bullies feed off of the reaction of the bullied. Learning how not to react and how to properly react (being quick with a comeback or not showing fear when being intimidated) are keys to heading off bullying early. Combined into that is also the way one presents and carries themselves. If you don't carry yourself with confidence, then you are opening yourself up to being more of a target.
Being able to physically defend yourself is another way to add confidence for both boys and girls. Anyone can defend themselves, anyone. Some kids get it easy, others not so much. Some parents know what to teach their kids, others don't. If your kid isn't getting it or you don't know what to teach them, then invest in a class that will teach them. Physical defense is a last resort to be used when you are being physically attacked. Never take a beating without fighting back even if there are consequences from the school for defending yourself. To just allow yourself to get beat without even trying to fight back is becoming the ultimate victim.
Teaching kids to always run to authority to protect them greatly undermines their self-confidence which is an essential part of not becoming a victim. Telling the teacher when someone teases you, running to the principal when you get pushed, having mommy and daddy fight your battles, etc. are all only teaching the lesson of "I am incapable of protecting myself and dealing with this situation". If this is your advice to your child, then you might as well just serve them on a silver platter to the bullies. It all starts when they were young and had their first conflict on the playground. Did you tell them to go back and give them advice on resolving the issue with the other kids...or did you march over their like momma bear and sort it all out for them...or did you, as I fear some of you may have, just packed up and went home? Empower your kids by teaching them how to resolve conflicts themselves and not be a victim.
Now, this brings up the last point. Many in the "don't defend yourself" camp will now start assembling armies of strawmen about "what if someone assaulted you in work" and making up other extreme examples of "what if a gang of 30 teenage boys comes to beat my 10 year old daughter up". First, step back off the ledge and deal in reality. Second, no one in the "defend yourself" camp is saying that everyone should be able to handle every situation that ever comes along. However, using the .01% to discredit tactics that are extremely effective 99.99% of the time is extremely illogical. There is nothing wrong with falling back on authority when the extreme happens. The issue, again, is falling back on authority over extremely petty things. People don't wake up one day and become the victims of bullying, it's a long process that starts with how you handle the first conflict and the first time you are teased.
So, if I was assaulted in work, I would: a) defend myself in the immediate situation b) report the incident right away to HR. This isn't any different from being in school where I would: a) defend myself in the immediate situation b) report the incident right away to the administration. In both cases if HR or the Administartion failed to take the issue seriously or made no attempt at resolution or prevention, then I would contact the police and take legal recourse.
In this particular case as presented by the OP, assuming they are relaying the entire situation, here is what I would do...I would march myself into the principals office and demand immediate resolution of the matter. I would tell him that if one more incident occurred, I would be meeting with the superintendent, informing them of the principals failure and then contacting the police to file a report and pursuing a legal recourse against the boys for assaulting and sexually harassing my daughter. I would also tell my daughter that if one of those degenerates came near here again that she was to kick/knee him in the groin while screaming RAPE at the top of her lungs. She was not to stop hitting the boy until adults came and stopped the fight.
I would not be sitting around posting on a forum and looking at hallway diagrams to plan a route around the hallway without a camera. I would not pull her out of school. I would not be so scared of conflict that I would call the media versus dealing with the matter myself.
With all of that said, yes there are sociopaths out there and things can get so carried away that an extreme measure like taking your child out of school or moving becomes the best choice. That I will not and have never denied. HOWEVER, that is an action of last resort, not the "go to" solution for every problem.
But who cares if she gets in trouble as long as the bullying stops? Two of my sons have had run ins with bullies and both have resisted and gotten in trouble for resisting. But the important thing is that when they resisted and fought back the bullying stopped. Getting in a little bit of trouble is a small trade off for having peace in your life.
That's hoping the bullying actually does stop, and the school doesn't suspend you. It's a serious infraction to public schools now when children stand up for themselves.
How tough. They might have a crush on her. Anyway I started watching a show on Netflix called Bully and I got too mad to continue watching it when I saw how teachers were handling it.
Greenwich West has a bullying culture, and it is a known problem in town. Can the OP transfer to Central or East?
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I do feel strongly about this topic and some of the choices people have claimed to make I feel do a great disservice to their children in the long run.
