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It appears you are trying really hard and beating yourself up. Stop doing that! Make a few meals on the weekend or make a roast on the weekend and divide it up for meals through out the week. When cooking a meal on the weekend like a chicken cook 2 instead of one and make it into other meals for the through out the week or even freeze it for a wk to two out. Enjoy your daughter if you want to talk to her while she eats you can it may not have to be the whole time she is eating. If you are struggling don't beat yourself up bottom line. You have a healthy child, husband, a job, a house be happy even if there might be dirty laundry for a day or two. Once you run out of clean skivvies you may need to get on top of the laundry then. Good Luck and by the way is your daughter happy? is your husband happy? if you answered yes then you are doing great job.
I check kibbiekat to see how much cleaning people will charge. They are charging $40 an hour. And for the size of my home, it will take them at least 4 hours. Even if i ask them to come weekly once, its still a lot.
How do you all do this? Do you think its a good idea to start getting her to help me? Like, the other day when I was unloading the clean dishes off the diswasher, she was handing me the spoons and ladles to be put away. Its a game for her and not a chore....maybe I can involve her in helping me? make it play??
Or is she too young for that?
Definitely. Sit with her while she eats dinner then get her to 'help' you while you do the cleaning, laundry, cooking etc. It'll all be play to her and you'll be spending quality time together while still getting things done and then you can relax after she goes to bed.
First I would check out the cost of your lifestyle.
Where is your money going?
How much is day care? How much does it cost to have 2 cars to drive back and forth to 2 jobs? Do you have to buy clothes for your work? How much do you spend on clothes for work? Do you spend money getting Starbucks on your way to work? How about lunch at work? Do you have the latest smart phone because everyone else at work has one? Any other costs associated with having you working?
I bring that up because of a few co-workers that spent the money they worked for on day care, clothing for work, a second car payment, cost to opperate that car, and lunch out with the girls. One girl claimed that her entire paycheck was spent because of those things. She could have quit working, sold off the car, and stayed home with her kids.
Another benefit to this is the household income decreases and the tax bill decreases with it. The possibility is there to relook at what you are spending in taxes each year and keep that in your hands during the year instead of having the IRS hold onto it for you.
After you look at the cost of working look at other things that you spend your money on. Cable? Internet? Any other exspenses that your family could do without? Lets say that you are a stay at home mom. You could manage the home finances, clip coupons, cook meals from real food and not processed boxed meals. You could save your family plenty of money by doing things yourself at home. I bet if you looked hard enough you could change your lifestyle and be there with your daughter at home.
My DH keeps telling me the same thing. At what age do kids need to be taught that mommy has other things to do? I think I feel so guilty about leaving her at the daycare for such long hours that I do this to myself. God...if only I can find a job closer to home, I can cut down on commute time.
Do you all have spot less floors/ carpets at home? I try to mop once in 2 days but that doesnt seem to do the job on my tile-kitchen floors. Or should i just forget out spot-less home until she grows up a bit?
Around 3 we started spending a little less time with our boys. That being said we still have plenty of quality time. I am like you, my wife commutes far and I am home with the boys. I get my oldest doing home work and my youngest hangs out with me in the kitchen while I prep dinner and clean. He is my little helper. By the time the wife gets home around 6:30 we eat. After we eat if the oldest is done with home work and chores, we spend a bit of time out side...makes them fall asleep easier. Then come in and do some house cleaning before they go to bead at 8:30 and me around 9:00.
No...house isn't always spot less. We mop once a week, sweep a little more often. We also understand we can let the house go a little to have a bit more time for each other.
First I would check out the cost of your lifestyle.
Where is your money going?
How much is day care? How much does it cost to have 2 cars to drive back and forth to 2 jobs? Do you have to buy clothes for your work? How much do you spend on clothes for work? Do you spend money getting Starbucks on your way to work? How about lunch at work? Do you have the latest smart phone because everyone else at work has one? Any other costs associated with having you working?
I bring that up because of a few co-workers that spent the money they worked for on day care, clothing for work, a second car payment, cost to opperate that car, and lunch out with the girls. One girl claimed that her entire paycheck was spent because of those things. She could have quit working, sold off the car, and stayed home with her kids.
Another benefit to this is the household income decreases and the tax bill decreases with it. The possibility is there to relook at what you are spending in taxes each year and keep that in your hands during the year instead of having the IRS hold onto it for you.
After you look at the cost of working look at other things that you spend your money on. Cable? Internet? Any other exspenses that your family could do without? Lets say that you are a stay at home mom. You could manage the home finances, clip coupons, cook meals from real food and not processed boxed meals. You could save your family plenty of money by doing things yourself at home. I bet if you looked hard enough you could change your lifestyle and be there with your daughter at home.
I doubt most people would get rid of their second car. I'm sure the op has considered all of the things you mentioned. She should also consider future income and upward mobility in her job and how much she would really be sacrificing in the future if she quit. but that isn't what she asked.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 04-09-2014 at 02:36 PM..
Reason: phone typos
Time spent with your daughter does not have to be time spent focused solely on her needs and wants. Sometimes being in the same room while she does one thing (eats) and you do another (cook) while talking to each other is enough. Even at two years of age she's old enough to "help" with chores. For example, let her carry a few pieces of laundry and let her toss the items into the washing machine, press the button for the dryer, etc.
Let her watch you cook and talk to her about what you are doing. Just talk to her about what you're doing, for example, "Mommy is measuring 2 cups of water into the pot" or things like that provide opportunities for interaction and learning. Kids learn a lot by watching and listening. Perhaps she can even pull out some "play" food or playdoh and do her own cooking while you cook. While you mop, let her play with a play mop or broom. Give her a dust rag or feather duster and let her help. It won't be perfect, but she will think it's fun to be doing big girl things like mom. Play time doesn't have to mean the park or sitting down with toys.
I"m a huge fan of crockpots and leftovers. For a time period I did once a month/week cooking even though I was a stay-at-home mother for periods of time when we had our second child. When our kids were very actively involved in sports during high school, nothing was better than coming home after a meet or game and having a meal ready to go in the crockpot. Anything that helps put meals on the table with less stress is good.
Have you looked into a grocery delivery service? The one I use occasionally often has free delivery coupons. Prices are generally similar to my local stores, and they accept coupons. 15 minutes on a phone or computer ordering groceries is a lot easier than driving to a store and shopping.
You also asked about what age kids should be able/allowed to do things on their own. My answer is NOW!. While I didn't constantly leave them alone, at age 2 my kids often went into another room to play on their own while I fixed meals or did other chores. At that age one of my daughter's favorite toys was a little desk. I kept blank paper, chunky crayons, and puzzles in the desk for her to color or play whenever she wanted or when I needed some time to do something else. It might not have been pretty or the best decorative accessory, but I kept it in the dining room. I could hear her even if I could not see her.
I do well remember the stress I felt to have everything perfect for my oldest child and to be the perfect mother and wife. It's not healthy in the long run. As far as a spotless house and floors--my kids are on their own now and my house is definitely not spotless.
I doubt most people would get rid of their second car. I'm sure the op has considered all of the things you mentioned and . She should also consider future income and upward mobility in her job and how much she would really be sacrificing in the future if she quit. but that isn't what she asked.
Several things that I read from the OP were on how to manage the home, how to spend time with her daughter, how her daughter is growing up and eventually those moments she could have had with her will be gone. I get that. As a dad my wife is always telling me the same thing. I missed a lot of things with the older kids and now with the younger kids they are slowly outgrowing things. It used to be that I would take 3 kids to the park after work. Now I am down to one most of the time and two every once in a while. We have 6 kids.
Having kids is a sacrifice, one that we as parents make to help a child grow to their potential. We sacrifice our wants and needs so that we can offer a better life for our children. The things that more money offer can not replace the moments lost with parents being away from the home. I doubt that a single toddler will remember what kind of car that mom drove around in when they were young, but that child will never forget that mom was at home with her when she was young.
It will get easier as she gets older. Both my husband and I work full time, and have a 3.5 year old. I've noticed that it gets easier about each 6 month increment as the child matures. All our family is out of state, so we have no help at all. I applaud you for wanting to sit with your daughter while she eats; I know if I try to do something around the house when my son is eating, he gets mad and begs me to sit at the table with him. They will only be little once, so try to spend as much time with them as possible.
Suggestions:
Take off your shoes at the front door. Buy a shoe rack and make everyone put their shoes on it upon coming in the door. That will keep your floors much cleaner.
Get a roomba/robot vacuum. You can set it and it'll take 45 minutes or so to thoroughly vacuum one room, wihtout you having to do anything but set it up and push the button.
Pre-plan meals. Do batch cooking and freeze stuff during the weekend. The crock pot is great, as well, especially in the wintertime. Buy organic microwave family meals from Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, to have as backup.
Hire a cleaning person who will do deep cleans such as scrubbing toilets, etc., once a month, or if you can afford it, every other week.
Don't worry about your house being messy. It's more important to spend time with your family while you can. Life is short.
Simplify meals however you can. Take out, or meaks you can microwave. Don't overdo the housework, it will wait for you, don't be a neatness freak.
Cleaning and sweeping will wait till tomorrow,
Babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So settle down cobwebs, Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.
Simplify meals however you can. Take out, or meaks you can microwave. Don't overdo the housework, it will wait for you, don't be a neatness freak.
Cleaning and sweeping will wait till tomorrow,
Babies grow up, we've learned to our sorrow,
So settle down cobwebs, Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.
Love that poem, wrote that verse out and stuck it on my fridge when my baby was born
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