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I've just got to pipe in a little on this idea of teaching the child to be helpful, etc., while actually trying to get those same things accomplished. I can only imagine the people saying these things, expecting this woman to do this after the long day she's already had, has never been in her shoes.
Daycare is great. Let her learn some chores at daycare, where people are paid to teach kids stuff, and spend time doing these things with your child on the weekend. But, I remember having a day like yours.
Get up, try to get into the bathroom first, so you can take your shower, start the coffee, make breakfast. Hoping to wake up and get out of bed before hubby gets any ideas that may throw off the schedule...
Then the others wake up and start asking where their socks are, etc. Then the kid you know and love, spills milk down the front of her outfit, so you look at the clock and realize you are losing time. So, you hurry to change the kid into new clothes, check to make sure you've packed everything you need to pack to get her to day care, food for your own lunch, grab the grocery list. Then go get into traffic. Then go check into daycare. All of this involving strapping the child into and out of a child safety seat.
Then, work a full day, then the traffic and commute again. Do a quick drive-by at the grocery store, looking at your watch to be sure and pick up your child before you get dinged with a late-pickup fee.
You've got a migraine already, and your child is so excited to see you they are showing you stuff they made, etc., all while you are trying to look excited, thinking about what to make for dinner, get them strapped in. Maybe you had to work until you didn't have time to do the grocery drive by. So, now you have to do it with your child in tow, who is hungry, and wants all the nice things in the store, and wants to know why she can't have them, or is asking tons of questions, or still chatting about something that happened during her day.
You finally get home, try to get something ready for the child to eat, need to sit down and have some quality time, still have laundry to throw in, as there is no clean underwear left in the house, dinner to be made for the hubby. Maybe you actually find a minute to go change out of your heels and work clothes.
So, now this woman is going to take time to show her daughter how to clean the kitchen or cook something? Knowing that the clock is saying it's time to put the chicken in the oven, husband comes in the door and wants to chat a minute, but you're in the middle of teaching your child how to load the dishwasher. Then your lovely child spills an enormous amount of dishwashing soap into the dishwasher. You try not to lose your temper. Husband is in one ear, you're soothing the child who is crying over the spilt soap.
And you still need to give her a bath and read her a story and put her to sleep. Then, have dinner and quality time with your husband.....who is looking at you with those googly eyes again, and all you want to do is sleeeeep.
OMG you guys. Let's save the teaching the kid how to do clean and cook for the weekend. Please! The child is only two, as I recall?
Stay at home moms can do this. Working moms can't. And do everything else, too.
At least that was my experience. And my daughter had a very happy childhood. Work days were one way, weekends were another. I made quality time for her 7 days a week. But, trying to teach a child to do things is something in addition to actually getting things done. They don't occupy the same space for a working woman. Telling her she has to teach her child how to keep house at 2 years old every day, in addition to actually keeping house is adding to her day.
Oh, I'm so glad those days are over!
What's my point? OP, there is no way to put 50 hours into a 24 hour day. You need to figure out the best way to avoid feeling homicidal towards your family. However you need to do that is fine. They'll be happier if you're happier, too. Like that saying: Ain't nobody happy if Mama ain't happy.
I don't want to start an argument butI have been in her shoes. When my children were young we left the house at 7:00 AM and returned after 6:00 PM. My husband's day was generally several hours longer plus he worked all day Saturday and some Sundays.
I didn't mean that the OP should spend a lot of time during the week drilling her two year old on household tasks, but my children loved doing things in the kitchen in their high chair or at the table while I was doing similar activities. They had fun and everything was able to be finished in a timely manner.
Perhaps, this suggestion would not work for the OP or for you but it worked for me and has worked for others as well.
As with everything on C-D, the OP should try the suggestions that she thinks would work in her situation, modify & try a few and ignore the rest. There have been a lot of great ideas & posts so far, including yours.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-09-2014 at 05:49 PM..
Can you include her in some of the chores? For instance, get her a toy broom or give her a basket of dish towels to fold while you are folding other laundry. Have her help you tear up lettuce for a salad or set the table with some non-breakable dishes? Obviously, the table won't be set perfectly or the towels folded just right, but the time spent together will be fun and help with your stress.
I did a lot of crockpot cooking when my daughter was young. I would throw all of the ingredients in in the morning and make enough for a day or two of leftovers. Casseroles were also easy and did not require much cleanup. Paper plates from time to time will help cut down on the dishes.
I used to put my daughter in her high chair next to me when I was cooking something and I didn't want her underfoot. I would give her play dishes and food and she would "cook" right along with me, but she was not getting in the way.
No matter what, remember that a clean house is great, but the time with your child can't be replaced. The time will go so fast that, one day soon, you will wonder when she grew up! (I know, my daughter graduates in a few weeks!)
Take off your shoes at the front door. Buy a shoe rack and make everyone put their shoes on it upon coming in the door. That will keep your floors much cleaner.
Get a roomba/robot vacuum. You can set it and it'll take 45 minutes or so to thoroughly vacuum one room, wihtout you having to do anything but set it up and push the button.
Pre-plan meals. Do batch cooking and freeze stuff during the weekend. The crock pot is great, as well, especially in the wintertime. Buy organic microwave family meals from Trader Joe's or Whole Foods, to have as backup.
Hire a cleaning person who will do deep cleans such as scrubbing toilets, etc., once a month, or if you can afford it, every other week.
Don't worry about your house being messy.
The above suggestions are excellent, especiaaly the robot vacuum! If you don't want to hire a cleaning pro, is there a teen or someone in the neighborhood looking to make a few extra bucks? They can do the floors, dust, basic stuff that will free you up in the evenings. If you take the word "spotless" out of your vocabulary, you'll find that life will be a bit easier on you.
nosnow, you misunderstand what people are saying. no one said to teach the 2 year old how to cook and clean. simply do the chores that need to be done while she is nearby. mom might be able to hand her some spoons to put away or a towel to fold. i have been there and it was hard, but the op is making it harder.
My DH keeps telling me the same thing. At what age do kids need to be taught that mommy has other things to do? I think I feel so guilty about leaving her at the daycare for such long hours that I do this to myself. God...if only I can find a job closer to home, I can cut down on commute time.
Do you all have spot less floors/ carpets at home? I try to mop once in 2 days but that doesnt seem to do the job on my tile-kitchen floors. Or should i just forget out spot-less home until she grows up a bit?
Your home will not be spotless until she moves out or you hire someone to keep it spotless for you.
She should have already "been taught" that Mommy needs to do other things but Daddy also has other things to do when it comes to care of your child and your home. Your husband also should be contributing more no matter what his work schedule is. He participated in creating this child and he needs to be more responsible for her care as well. Both parents need to be involved at all levels not just one parent taking care of it all and the other parent "sort of" helping out. Why can't he toss a load of laundry in the washer before he leaves for work, then all you have to do is put it in the dryer? Why can't he scrub the shower while he is in there? Does he help with dishes or at least load the dishwasher? Is there a reason he can't run a mop over the floor or turn on the sweeper?
First, you sound a little frazzled but your time with your daughter should come before everything - hopefully Daddy is included in playtime as much as possible. You're not doing anything wrong. You just need to figure out a routine that will enable you to get your stuff done easier or else stop worrying about cleaning so much. You can do all your cooking on Saturday afternoon for the week. It would be cool to set up a "cookie swap" with casserole dishes, wouldn't it? Do easy stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy every day. She's only this age once.
Also there are lots of great resources for ways to cut corners cleaning, planning meals, etc. (crockpots...)
You can do this! Moms can do anything one handed!!
Can you include her in some of the chores? For instance, get her a toy broom or give her a basket of dish towels to fold while you are folding other laundry. Have her help you tear up lettuce for a salad or set the table with some non-breakable dishes? Obviously, the table won't be set perfectly or the towels folded just right, but the time spent together will be fun and help with your stress.
I did a lot of crockpot cooking when my daughter was young. I would throw all of the ingredients in in the morning and make enough for a day or two of leftovers. Casseroles were also easy and did not require much cleanup. Paper plates from time to time will help cut down on the dishes.
I used to put my daughter in her high chair next to me when I was cooking something and I didn't want her underfoot. I would give her play dishes and food and she would "cook" right along with me, but she was not getting in the way.
No matter what, remember that a clean house is great, but the time with your child can't be replaced. The time will go so fast that, one day soon, you will wonder when she grew up! (I know, my daughter graduates in a few weeks!)
I wish I'dve sent mine up a chimney when they were little.
I have not read through everything, but thought I would share my experience. I work out of the home and so does my husband. We have 3 kids, 3 (nov), 1 (nov) and 1 (nov). I worked full time until my youngest ones turned one, and now I work 3 days a week. It sometimes feels like a never ending cycle for sure. I have to leave the house at 6:45 -7 am. I get home at around 6:30. I try to make a couple of meals on the weekends and on the days I am home. Crock pots were great when I was working 5 days a week. I also had a neighbor girl come over 3-4 days a week after my twins were born to help me clean and watch the kids while I made dinner.
My toddler now helps me clean and cook. Tonight she helped me stir the noodles, and brush the salmon with the baste. She loves to help. She also helped me mop the floor with the swifter. Oh, and she puts all her clothes away in her drawers. Though, I could care less if she puts them away in an organized manner.
I do find that I just have to stay super organized and learning to be OK if some things just don't get done for a few days. Being around and talking to them about what you are doing is still spending time with them. When I had just dd1, I was always feeling like I HAD to do things with her constantly when I was home. Even if I really really wanted to now, its just not possible, but I realize that now my youngest are much better at playing independently. I just sit down with them for at least 30-45 min in the evening cuddling, reading or whatever before bedtime.
Hire a cleaning service. It will be the best money you ever spent. I also think you are overestimating how much it will cost. It may take you 4 hours; but it probably wont take them that long. Even if you only hire them every two weeks and touch up in between it will change your life.
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