The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (clothes, classes)
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Even new employees are entitled to maternity leave even if it's not paid, and their position is held for them.
This is false. FMLA only applies after 12 months of employment. She can take an unpaid leave of absence (with "guaranteed" right to return to the same position) only after she has been working for 12 months, so long as the leave occurs within 1 year of the birth. Sounds like she won't be able to take any FMLA leave until the baby is 5 months old.
She'll have to work out her time off with her employer. They can, indeed, fire her for not coming in to work, even if it's to have her baby. If she can't work something out with her boss, and she wants to keep the job, your best bet is the local tv/radio/news. You won't have a legal leg to stand on, but her manager probably doesn't want to be the one who gets his/her franchise known as "That hair salon/McD's/shop that fired that poor pregnant girl for taking 3 days off to deliver her baby."
Also, the Family and Medical Leave Act only applies to companies of a certain size (I think it's over 50 employees) and as the poster above stated, it only applies to employees who have been with the company for over 12 months - and it doesn't have to be paid leave.
Wow. I can't imagine putting my daughter in the position you have put yours in. I'm not reading the whole 11+ pages that have been posted today alone so this may have been said before. No, she did not ruin her life or her boyfriends' life or her child's life. She is young and ignorant and apparently has NO support from those she should be able to count on, but hopefully the people at the state office will help her get squared away with food to eat and a safe place to sleep. Really, young women do it all by themselves all the time.
By the way, no, she was not required to disclose pregnancy status before or during her employment. What kind of idiot are you? She probably wont qualify for FMLA but many employers will let people come back after birth even if they are not required to by law.
Also, the Family and Medical Leave Act only applies to companies of a certain size (I think it's over 50 employees) and as the poster above stated, it only applies to employees who have been with the company for over 12 months - and it doesn't have to be paid leave.
There's a requirement for hours worked as well. I know when my wife and I looked into it when she got pregnant, the 20 hours per week she worked wasn't enough. She just ended up quitting. Also note that it's actual hours worked. Any vacation or sick time used doesn't count.
OP, I sympathize with your situation and I understand where you're coming from on wanting your daughter to step up and deal with the decisions she's made. But I guess I don't understand where you're coming from when you say that you're not going to bail her out, but you want her to try and get every single government subsidy and program available. That means us taxpayers, who aren't her family, are "bailing her out". I tend to think that government assistance should be the last resort and for those who really can't make it on their own. Primary support should come from family and friends if possible. I'm not trying to hammer you. I do understand your position. But I just think that there are ways you could help her while still making it clear that she needs to step up and deal with the situation herself. A life where she receives government subsidies and handouts isn't going to teach her anything either. Besides, it sounds like they make too much.
That's exactly what would happen. I cannot bail her out this time. She has to do this on her own. It's time for her to grow up. She's not a kid making kid mistakes now. She's an adult making adult mistakes. My bailing her out serves no one. Not her, not the baby, not me, not dh, not dd#2. Everyone loses if we bail her out. I'm not sure anyone wins if we don't but that path is where the possibility lies.
There are no easy decisions left. Only hard ones. It's pick your poison time.
We need to find out what kind of help is available from the state. If they're determined to keep the baby, they need to find a place to live and raise the baby. Fortunately, she's still on my medical insurance so she has been getting prenatal care.
No, not "we." Those two thoughts I bolded are COMPLETELY incongruous. You can't be collecting all this information, supplying her with health insurance, and offering up advice day by day then claim that you're not bailing her out. I stopped reading your other posts awhile ago because there was such a wide gap between what you say and what you do.
So I'm not a bit surprised by this development ... I think I even predicted in something I wrote when she was still living in your house.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results ... that pattern of yours plays a big part in your daughter's choices. Until you can accept your role in this craziness and do something about it, the unborn child will be repeating this same scenario in another 18 years. You're not that old. You'll probably still be around to see it.
Either way, pregnant or not, she needs independent housing to learn how to be responsible and productive.
That's like saying someone needs a car to learn how to drive. Landlords evict people who do not know how to be responsible every day. As I write this, several people all over my town are preparing to be evicted. It takes a lot of years to learn the skills of adulthood. We only have Ivory's word for it that DD#1 was a bad student.
I am far from the best parent that ever lived. Unfortunately none of you will be able to learn much from my experience because I am not about to put as much of my life out there for you as the o.p. does. This thread is a teachable moment. A lot of you in this forum have the same kind of attitude as the o.p., and you will get the exact same results unless you start making some changes in not only parenting style but the entire ideology and fabric of your being that for want of a better word can be called your person.
I don't hang out here so I may be asking a stupid question but... DD#1 implies at least a DD#2? Sometimes it is indeed nature, not nurture and if DD#2 is on track for Medical School then I have no more questions on that score.
BUT, your daughter didn't do this on her own. And saying it that way only perpetuates the mentality that an unwanted pregnancy is only the female's "fault".
The child is hers and the father's. They made the baby together and now need to figure it out together.
I wish your family well - especially the baby. Personally, I hope she will adopt the child to a couple who will love it. I hope the baby will never feel that it was an inconvenience or a nuisance.
I know that this is well meant, but as long as the female has the womb and holds the trump of "choice" there is nothing for the father to figure out together. The child is hers. It might also be the fathers, it might not. 2 million American men are raising children that they think are theirs but actually aren't. Many more are raising children that they now know are not theirs. Women need to become a lot more responsible with the power that they have, literally the power of life and death. A man and woman create a fetus, a woman delivers a baby. Wanting it to be different doesn't change the reality. Why aren't more daughters raised to understand this?
Of course, by the time the baby was born, I was absolutely elated that she had decided to keep her. She is the light of my life, my firstborn grandchild.
^^^This. This is what I was talking about. In the early stages of pregnancy, everybody tends to think of the baby as not real, not part of the family, not a person. It is only in the very late stages of pregnancy, and especially after the child is born, that emotions come to the front, and everyone falls in love again and comes together as a family. This is the magic that I would hate to see spoiled.
I realize that this daughter has been troublesome and a burden on her family. But everyone is still thinking along the lines of what once was. It is no longer that. Teen years pass, the troubles of youth pass, bad feelings pass. To her family, I ask, please do not let these passing events spoil what will soon be. Things are changing, and fast. Do not be so sure that you will not want this grandchild. (S)he could have your eyes, your husband's chin, your father's sense of humor. This child will be important.
Is the $3000/month pre-tax? or is it closer to say $2100 after tax? (I don't remember MI income tax anymore). Also, I know absolutely nothing about government programs like WIC and Medicaid....but I do have an idea of the housing costs in the area specific to where I grew up in the metro Detroit area. Where are their jobs, OP? They want to live closer obviously in case of weather and wear and tear on the cars (does she have a car or are they forced to share one?) I remember from previous posts that you are in the metro detroit area.
I just went to padmapper which is a pretty good resource for finding apartments. Sort of the dogpile of apartment searches if you will. I found my current apartment listed there.
Here are a few of the options that came up that are probably doable on a combined income of $2000-$3000 a month, in decent areas, but I can't say if they are feasible because I don't know where they work. this is the area I'm most familiar with. I can give some suggestions if I'm way off base in the location:
I can't vouch for the specific complexes but with between $2000-$3000 a month I would think these are in the budget considering some utilities are covered. Many offer move in specials as well. As long as you stay out of places like bloomfield hills, grosse pointe, birmingham, novi, etc I am sure something affordable can be found. it took me all of 10 minutes to find these. Surely your daughter and her BF and do the same. Are you willing to go with her to find an apartment?
Unless things have changed in the 4.5 years since I moved away, any of those locations would be fine to start out.
Last edited by blind spot; 06-24-2014 at 04:18 AM..
Reason: adding more complexes
there HAS to be many other in the same situation,,,can 3-5 pool together for an apartment??
they can still be working to bring in rental/living monies
also if the preggos can get benefits,,,then 3-4 living together will take the pressure off - someone may have a car,,,and if their is a struggling single mother who already had her kid,,the other mothers can provide childcare(while mother works) and learn a lot before their own babies are born
create an ad for your daughter on craiglists-looking for other soon to be mothers in similar situations-
make it very clear,,,no drugs, no men, staying over, etc,
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