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I posted a bunch of apartment complexes that were between $600-$700 a month for a 1 bedroom (which is doable for now). That's very easy to find in metro detroit from what I recall living there and my friends that currently live there. Heck my friends are sharing a 2 bedroom under 700 a month but they tell me it's very hard to find that now.
Yeah, I imagine it's very easy to find a 1BD in that range in Detroit metro. You proved it is very possible. I don't know why the op asked for assistance when the couple clearly can afford an apartment and all of the basics. It seems weird to me that expecting assistance would be a first thought when it's not even needed.
I hope the op is sharing your list with her daughter or looking in an area closer to them. The daughter has $5,000 for first last and deposit. The only problem I see is the unwillingness of anyone to take charge and find an apartment.
I say offer enthusiasm about the baby, and some friendliness, but most of all offer confidence that the young couple can meet their own needs. I'd do like most parents would do for a first apartment - offer some help with furnishings or deposits, that sort of thing, but other than that, I'd leave them alone as much as possible when it comes to working out the finances. Clearly they are both able bodied and can work full time jobs so it's time to grow up! They've been playing house anyway, so now it's time to do it for real.
I say offer enthusiasm about the baby, and some friendliness, but most of all offer confidence that the young couple can meet their own needs. I'd do like most parents would do for a first apartment - offer some help with furnishings or deposits, that sort of thing, but other than that, I'd leave them alone as much as possible when it comes to working out the finances. Clearly they are both able bodied and can work full time jobs so it's time to grow up! They've been playing house anyway, so now it's time to do it for real.
Salvation Army? In my caseworker days, they always came through for my clients in last resort.
county social services? should help with financial and medical referral if nothing else. (meaning with father of baby and both working she may not qualify but they can do referral)
church counseling and assistance? but it sounds like she hasn't been willing to take any advice offered by Mom and Dad so why would she start now. but if she and the baby's father work together they can make it, may be tough. but is doable.
Feel for you Ivory, raising kids is tough and sometimes you can just see the path they are on and know where it is heading and the kids are bound and determined to do what they want to do and right now.
In thinking this over, here's what I now have to say:
Since the daughter is 19, she is an adult. However, I think Mom should offer her old bedroom back until she gets an apartment. Mom can go with her to look at rentals if necessary. However, if DD turns down this help, then there is nothing Mom can do, even if DD is sleeping in her car.
I say offer enthusiasm about the baby, and some friendliness, but most of all offer confidence that the young couple can meet their own needs. I'd do like most parents would do for a first apartment - offer some help with furnishings or deposits, that sort of thing, but other than that, I'd leave them alone as much as possible when it comes to working out the finances. Clearly they are both able bodied and can work full time jobs so it's time to grow up! They've been playing house anyway, so now it's time to do it for real.
Ivory has already stated, in plain English, that she isn't seeking advice on how to handle the situation emotionally. She is asking for people to provide her with lists of financial resources that she can arrange for her daughter. People have tried giving her advice on handling the situation, on providing emotional support, on whether or not to allow her daughter to make her own mistakes - and the OP has rejected this advice with a tirade on how it's not what she wants from us here on the forum.
THAT is why people are getting angry with her. Because she came to a parenting forum seeking advice, and after 25 pages of it, says she's not looking for parenting advice. She is looking ONLY for logistics resources in the greater Detroit area.
Salvation Army? In my caseworker days, they always came through for my clients in last resort.
county social services? should help with financial and medical referral if nothing else. (meaning with father of baby and both working she may not qualify but they can do referral)
church counseling and assistance? but it sounds like she hasn't been willing to take any advice offered by Mom and Dad so why would she start now. but if she and the baby's father work together they can make it, may be tough. but is doable.
Feel for you Ivory, raising kids is tough and sometimes you can just see the path they are on and know where it is heading and the kids are bound and determined to do what they want to do and right now.
These kids have plenty of resources. There are people who are on their literal last legs - chronically homeless, mentally ill, hopelessly addicted, illiterate - escaping poverty, crime ravaged schools and neighborhoods, abusive spouses and parents.
Taking the limited amount of help available for the above and wasting it on these kids who have chosen this path on purpose and have many options at their disposal is a freakin sick joke.
Ivory, you said she doesn't have empathy. I find it odd, if this is true, that you haven't expressed concern about having a grandchild whose mother has no empathy.
I also find it odd that you're back to liking the BF who you claimed abused your daughter.
Also, you seem to think it's society's responsibility to pay for your daughter's mistake - an attitude I find somewhat appalling. You don't seem to want to help her in any way other than to help her milk the welfare system for all it's worth.
Look at some positives - she has a job now and her BF has two. That was your main frustration with the situation - her not working. But you can't even recognize she did anything right even given that. You also said she reached out to you and hasn't before. Again, that's a change. You should acknowledge positive changes along with negative ones.
I wouldn't have my 19 year old pregnant daughter living in a car. I just wouldn't. But to each their own I guess.
If this were my daughter here is what I think I would do.
I would sit down with DH and go over our own household budget and decide where we could cut and for how long.
I would have a meeting with my daughter AND her boyfriend and make the following rules.
1) you will find an apartment in the next 7 days that is within $xx-$xx. (In fitting with their income)
2) you will live together in that apartment (after all in a perfect world these two wind up married and independent)
3) you will bring me regular medical appointment updates from the doctor you are seeing.
-In exchange your father and I agree to provide you with $xx monthly for the next year. (You could pay it directly to the landlord if you fear it will be spent elsewhere.) The baby should be a few months old by that point and mom should be able to work.
-After that year is up we will provide you with $xx (a lower amount) for the next year. The baby will be over a year old by then.
-At any time you may come to our home for a meal, the same for your child. Forever.
I think the ideal situation here is to force these two to live independently but at the same time give them assistance enough that there is food on the table and no damaging stress to your daughter. I'm not suggesting that you pay all or even half of their expenses, just enough to keep them afloat on top of their regular income.
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