The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (accident, get married)
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She can apply for Medicaid, WIC and food stamps. She should qualify for all three. Medicaid will cover her baby once the baby is born. Housing resources vary from one community to the next. You may need to call around to find out what is available. There may not be much other then shelters. Housing is one of the hardest things to find and often people will have to be in a shelter before they can get the limited resources that are available.
I would try to talk her into finding another job right away, before she starts to show so that she will have something lined up in case she loses the security job. She can look for the job on her days off and before or after work. If she and her boyfriend are each making $8/hour and working full time then they should be able to afford a small apartment.
^Excellent answer. Your daughter needs to make the calls and appointments herself. She has made decisions and needs to learn there are consequences for one's actions. They are going to be parents so are no longer children.
Below is the site for WIC and it has, I believe, an answer for any of the many questions you may have.
USDA (United States Department of Agriculture) Food & Nutrition Service
Women, Infants and Children (WIC)
The WIC Prescreening Tool is a web-based application intended to help potential WIC applicants determine if they are likely to be eligible for WIC benefits. Users who are likely to be eligible to receive WIC benefits are provided with State-specific contact information and are encouraged to make a certification appointment with their WIC local agencies. Additionally, users are provided with a printable summary of their responses and a list of examples of the documentation that is required at an initial certification appointment.
^Excellent answer. Your daughter needs to make the calls and appointments herself. She has made decisions and needs to learn there are consequences for one's actions. They are going to be parents so are no longer children.
I don't think she will. I want to be able to sit her down and say "This is what is available and this is what you need to do" so that she knows we're serious about her figuring this out and are not going to bail her out. I think she still thinks we're just going to open the door, she'll come home and everyone else will take care of her and the baby. She has to know we're not going to. Part of that is handing her a list of things out there and what she needs to do to get them. I would love it if she'd do this herself. I just don't think she will.
The farther along in her pregnancy she gets, the more likely someone will bail her out. If not dh and I, an aunt or an uncle or even his parents. There are too many people who might rescue her here.
i don't think she will. I want to be able to sit her down and say "this is what is available and this is what you need to do" so that she knows we're serious about her figuring this out and are not going to bail her out. I think she still thinks we're just going to open the door, she'll come home and everyone else will take care of her and the baby. She has to know we're not going to. Part of that is handing her a list of things out there and what she needs to do to get them. I would love it if she'd do this herself. I just don't think she will.
The farther along in her pregnancy she gets, the more likely someone will bail her out. If not dh and i, an aunt or an uncle or even his parents. There are too many people who might rescue her here.
If this were my daughter here is what I think I would do.
I would sit down with DH and go over our own household budget and decide where we could cut and for how long.
I would have a meeting with my daughter AND her boyfriend and make the following rules.
1) you will find an apartment in the next 7 days that is within $xx-$xx. (In fitting with their income)
2) you will live together in that apartment (after all in a perfect world these two wind up married and independent)
3) you will bring me regular medical appointment updates from the doctor you are seeing.
-In exchange your father and I agree to provide you with $xx monthly for the next year. (You could pay it directly to the landlord if you fear it will be spent elsewhere.) The baby should be a few months old by that point and mom should be able to work.
-After that year is up we will provide you with $xx (a lower amount) for the next year. The baby will be over a year old by then.
-At any time you may come to our home for a meal, the same for your child. Forever.
I think the ideal situation here is to force these two to live independently but at the same time give them assistance enough that there is food on the table and no damaging stress to your daughter. I'm not suggesting that you pay all or even half of their expenses, just enough to keep them afloat on top of their regular income.
My daughter is not pregnant, but I posted earlier that she moved out shortly after graduating and is in a somewhat similar situation. She simply won't abide by the house rules. Micromanaging her was exhausting and just not helping. I know all too well that parent can lay out some simple rules with an attitude of "Just do this and everything will be fine," followed by the child continuing to do whatever she feels like doing. What happens when Ivory's daughter doesn't find an apartment or even look for one? When she doesn't make doctor's appointments or blows them off and racks up cancellation fees? When she and her boyfriend break up, or the boyfriend simply doesn't want to live there? The time for ultimatums and negotiation is long past, I'll wager. They're at the "or else" part. This is the "else."
Another thing to consider is the the $5,000 bond may be counted as an asset and could impede qualification for benefits. Even if she spends it, there may be a time frame in which she is not allowed to dispose of assets and still qualify.
Just another question to ask the proper agency.
Last edited by raindrop101; 06-24-2014 at 01:41 PM..
Ivory has never appreciated any post that indicated she might be doing things wrong. You've had some very good posts on this thread Montanama, but Ivory won't change her stripes. Her posting history will bear that out.
Right now I'm trying to get over the hypocrisy of calling the ACA Obummercare on one hand, while looking for a government program to house and feed her own daughter and grandchild.
Can you just copy and paste this every few pages or so, Mattie?
My experience with IT's posts is that she will post a situation, ask for advice and once the (mostly good) advice starts pouring in, she will treat it as some sort of debate to be won at all costs. There is little appreciation for the lengthy responses that express empathy and offer real suggestions. The content of the posts becomes secondary to her desire to participate in some sort of strange contest of who knows more.
I don't think she will. I want to be able to sit her down and say "This is what is available and this is what you need to do" so that she knows we're serious about her figuring this out and are not going to bail her out. I think she still thinks we're just going to open the door, she'll come home and everyone else will take care of her and the baby. She has to know we're not going to. Part of that is handing her a list of things out there and what she needs to do to get them. I would love it if she'd do this herself. I just don't think she will.
The farther along in her pregnancy she gets, the more likely someone will bail her out. If not dh and I, an aunt or an uncle or even his parents. There are too many people who might rescue her here.
Don't you realize you are bailing her out right now by doing all this for her? If you're going to take a stand, do it. Back off, and let her fly.
I'm still betting she's not pregnant, because I assure you if she really was, she would be scrambling to get her stuff together.
Eh, maybe the daughter is looking into things. Has OP even asked her what she is doing, or is it just assumed that she is doing nothing. She did go out and get a job, so she has done something already that OP never thought she would do.
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