The post I never wanted to make but knew I would (students, adopted)
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One of the reasons I want dd in an apartment is to get her and her boyfriend under the same roof. So far, he's stepping up to the plate but I don't want to see her on her own. That would be much worse for the baby.
You've said he is abusive and she lacks empathy. This is your grandchild. They have no business with a child if what you've said is true. And I wouldn't even want my daughter with her abusive BF.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler
I'd disagree with your last point. I think the baby is the biggest loser but I do agree that tax payers lose too but what are you going to do when there is a baby involved? The lesser of the evils is to support the mother and her child. I don't like it. I think it's being a leach but once there's a baby it becomes about the baby not the mother. In my ideal world all parents would support their own children but that doesn't happen. I think adoption is a much better option than having a teen mother. Unfortunately, it has become downright acceptable to keep the baby. We're more concerned with the mother's rights and feelings than we are the baby's need. Statistically speaking, outcomes are not good for children born to teen mothers. They are much better for children given up for adoption.
This is an unfortunate situation all the way around. I'm not proud of my daughter but the baby must be taken care of and if that means using government assistance that's what it means. While I'm ashamed it comes down to that, the bottom line is the baby must be cared for. I would much rather they had waited until they were in position to afford a baby but they didn't. Yes, I think that's stupid and immature but it wasn't my decision. Trust me if I were making the decisions here we would not be in this situation.
You say you're ashamed but seem desperate to help her milk the system. You won't help them but want everyone else to be forced to.
The degree of love for your child has nothing to do with how easy or difficult it was to "become a mother."
Studies on child abuse and neglect would disagree with you. It is human nature to value more that which was hard for us to achieve. It just is. There's no reason children would be an exception here and abuse and neglect statistics would back this up.
You've said he is abusive and she lacks empathy. This is your grandchild. They have no business with a child if what you've said is true. And I wouldn't even want my daughter with her abusive BF.
You say you're ashamed but seem desperate to help her milk the system. You won't help them but want everyone else to be forced to.
I didn't make this decision. They did. You'll have to take your anger over the fact they will be "milking the system" up with them. If this were my choice, that baby would be put up for adoption.
I agree they have no business with a child, however, they're going to have one and they didn't ask my permission. Legally they are adults and this is their decision. I have no say so. If it were my decision, this baby would be put up for adoption. It's not my decision. But this is not the topic of this thread. She's pregnant, there's going to be a baby and we need to figure out how to put that baby in the best situation. Removing financial stress is a good thing for the baby. It's not something its parents deserve but the baby does. That's why we as a society have safety nets. It's not for parents who failed to plan but for the children who are innocent bystanders.
Studies on child abuse and neglect would disagree with you. It is human nature to value more that which was hard for us to achieve. It just is. There's no reason children would be an exception here and abuse and neglect statistics would back this up.
I don't know if I'd say this equates to more or less love. I would say couples who had a hard time becoming parents might be more protective, over protective even. Maybe they would be more appreciative of the opportunity to be parents. That doesn't necessarily mean they love the child more.
I didn't make this decision. They did. You'll have to take your anger over the fact they will be "milking the system" up with them. If this were my choice, that baby would be put up for adoption.
And you still express no concern about your grandchild being raised by a parent who lacks empathy and an abusive parent...
And you still express no concern about your grandchild being raised by a parent who lacks empathy and an abusive parent...
Whether I have concern or not is irrelevant. I don't get to make the decisions here.
And you are twisting previous posts I've made. I have never said dbf was abusive towards dd. I said he has a temper which we've never seen directed at dd and that some of his behaviors border on the controlling side. While that is cause for concern, there's nothing I can do about it. To my knowledge, he's never even gotten angry with dd let alone physical with her. He did break a guys arm when less force would have sufficed.
Now, can we please get back to the discussion I asked about?
I don't know if I'd say this equates to more or less love. I would say couples who had a hard time becoming parents might be more protective, over protective even. Maybe they would be more appreciative of the opportunity to be parents. That doesn't necessarily mean they love the child more.
Studies indicate that they have lower incidence of neglect and abuse. If we can assume you would not neglect or abuse a child you loved, then one could say that children in the hard won category are more loved. I would expect that hard won children would feel more loved if they are more protected, less likely to be abused or neglected and have parents who are appreciative of the opportunity to be parents and at the end of the day, that's what really matters.
Agreed! I would not be happy with this scenario, and I have two daughters now grown to adulthood.
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Re: adoption-I'm all for adoption in general but it sounds like the mom-to-be doesn't want that.
I'm not happy but they didn't ask me. I don't think they will be putting the baby up for adoption. I wish they would for the sake of all involved.
I would much rather she'd finished school and gotten married before getting pregnant. Doing things in the wrong order usually doesn't work out. The odds are very much against them still being together for the baby's first birthday and the odds for children raised by single moms aren't good. No mother wants to see their child start out in life with the odds stacked against them and that is what is happening with my dd. It remains to be seen how it will turn out but the odds are not in her favor.
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