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Plus special needs teachers don't take their students out to run errands. It's one thing to deal with a child in a classroom and another to deal with them in public, where other people don't have the same knowledge of what's going on, what therapies are being tried, etc - and the parents actually have additional things to focus on than just the child. Yes, the child too, but bot just them. It's like being stuck in a perpetual needy toddler stage. Possible to handle, but exhausting.
Anyway, just expressing support for how hard it is - not making excuses.
Children with special needs DO act out more often than neurotypical children. People have no idea what part of the journey children are on in their lives.
I'm only referring to the parents who never tried as the ones who shouldn't use it as an excuse. As an educator who has seen as wide range of things, I would never fault parents who at least try.
I know that even the parents who try their hardest will eventually have a day where they just have to say "Its because of _____" and try again tomorrow. Heck even children with who are neurotypical will have days like that.
I'm talking about the parents who say
"Oh, sorry, my child has _______" Oh? Well what types of strategies to use for them(as a teacher we ask this because its important we follow their same track).
"Oh nothing, we tried a few things and they didn't work so we ignore it/we just put him in front of the TV for the evening/theres nothing we can do"
^ and yes conversations like that and similar have really happened, at least where I work. And it wasn't one time conversations, this wasn't a "today was really tough and I have no answer for you explanation", this went on the whole year whenever an issue came up.
Now, I did not work with any severely handicapped kids. I don't know I how those parents handle those situations.
We worked with kids who would probably be mainstream, but either would have an aid, an IEP and maybe be pulled out some during the day. Nothing super severe, but definitely enough to warrant strategies. Not this "nothing we can do" we had parents pull out that was not fair to child.
Thing is, parents get tired. Burned out. They can dedicate their lives to trying to fix it, while still facing daily criticism. They have other kids too. Depression, higher divorce rates, financial strain. My sons therapies are $38,000 a year. I am still in it 100% but I have caring friends who are suicidal some days. It is killing her. Her daughter has profound ASD.
I'm a teacher too. Its much easier being a teacher of 20 than the FT parent of a child with disabilities, depending on the disability. My son has moderate autism. Not profound, but still with headphones/diapers. Teaching is my vacation. Teaching is not easy, but it is in comparison.
Agreed. Being a teacher is not the same thing as being a parent. It's really easy to judge when you haven't been there.
I'm only referring to the parents who never tried as the ones who shouldn't use it as an excuse.
And I think most will agree on that. The problem is, in a situation like the post office or the grocery store (as opposed to what a teacher who interacts with a family regularly on a longer term basis) - a random observer cannot know enough to judge what is really going on. You don't know why another person is there, why they are not leaving, or why they appear to not be "dealing with" a difficult or disobedient child. It could be that they don't really care, but it could also be a plethora of other explanations.
And I think most will agree on that. The problem is, in a situation like the post office or the grocery store (as opposed to what a teacher who interacts with a family regularly on a longer term basis) - a random observer cannot know enough to judge what is really going on. You don't know why another person is there, why they are not leaving, or why they appear to not be "dealing with" a difficult or disobedient child. It could be that they don't really care, but it could also be a plethora of other explanations.
For ME, as a parent, these experiences are not relevant to judging. I am about 500% more likely to offer a helping hand than a criticism. Who cares why that parent is having a hard time.? They are clearly having a hard time. My criticism is not going to help whether the issue is "bad parenting" or special needs. I used these as checkpoints to my expectations as a parent. What do I expect from my kids in the store? In a restaurant? What do I expect from myself to achieve these expectations from my kids? I decided that teaching them how to behave was more important than any one trip to the grocery store. And I was never, ever going to have my child interrupt the meal of someone paying for a meal in a restaurant. But I am clearly lucky in that I did not have to manage travelling with developmentally challenged children. I never HAD to get fed, on the road, with a special needs kid in tow. So that and a twenty will get you a Starbucks.
Honestly, I've had it. Because of my job I go to the post office twice a week or more. The things I need to do cannot be done in the lobby or via a computer, as so most postal chores today can be.
I am never in any post office at any time of day that there aren't children causing an uproar. I have even tried going to neighborhoods where a preponderance of residents are retired and still there are little kids screaming and running around while the people responsible for them are standing in line staring at the ceiling, acting as if they don't know the tiny hooligans.
Most post offices are in buildings that exacerbate noise, so children's screams and shrieks bouncing off marble floors or cement block walls seem twice as loud as they seem outdoors. I have seen running children knock over elderly people. I've seen them slam doors on customers. I saw one running boy ram right into a wheelchair and obviously scare the person in it. Their parents/grandparents act as if nothing is happening.
Most post offices today sell greeting cards and mailing supplies in the lobby, Many people purposefully position their children in these areas and allow them to "play" with the items on display. Little kids pull out cards from the display racks and throw them on the floor, bend them, replace them in the wrong holders, etc. Those displays are always a mess and it's not the post office employees' fault. Often the cards are dirty or sticky. I like to buy cards at the PO not only because it's convenient but because I like to support this organization that does a job that could never be done so effectively by the private sector. The post office is unfairly treated by Congress, which requires it to fund its retirement program unlike any in corporate America, so I like to do my bit to make sure they get my greeting card purchases, too. But these poorly behaved children are ruining the PO's inventory.
Seriously, parents, grandparents, and nannies: PLEASE! Is it too much to ask that you control your children so U.S. post offices are not so loud and chaotic and government property is not being destroyed on a daily basis? No one likes to stand in line but your unwillingness to make your charges behave makes the experience far more unpleasant than it needs to be.
Lazy "parenting"
"Parents" who think the world should tolerate their kid and that their kids are so special that they should not be corrected when displaying rude, inconsiderate, and rotten behavior.
"Parents" who are so engrossed in their latest "Candy Crush Saga" game that they cannot possibly put their phone down to watch and monitor their children's behavior.
Special needs can be an excuse or an explanation. I know lots of parents who have kids with very "severe" special needs who are also adopted from horrible places in other countries. These kids are very, very apt to have meltdowns. However, the parents usually know what the kid(s) can or cannot handle and plan their days accordingly. If one kid can't handle the grocery store (usually they have 5-21 kids in their families), that kid doesn't go to the grocery store. If a kid has a meltdown, the parent usually removes the child from the environment that is causing the meltdown. Is it always possible? No.
(The normal kid meltdowns aren't what bugs me. It's the obvious newborn who is screaming for over half an hour from either hunger or tiredness while grandma holds her and mom waits in line to buy something that is not really that important. ((Nothing at my store is that important.)) Also, it's not always the patrons that I feel sorry for but the kids. That baby was obviously very distressed, a very young newborn, and out when the measles "outbreak" was happening, and in the area with the most cases.)
Dear lord, have you ever had a newborn? Some scream all the time and sometimes you want to escape the house and buy a gallon of ice cream. It's hard to hear a newborn cry. But have some empathy. If the mother is zoned out she is exhausted and has been hearing that cry 18 hours a day for as long as that baby has been alive.
Special needs can be an excuse or an explanation. I know lots of parents who have kids with very "severe" special needs who are also adopted from horrible places in other countries. These kids are very, very apt to have meltdowns. However, the parents usually know what the kid(s) can or cannot handle and plan their days accordingly. If one kid can't handle the grocery store (usually they have 5-21 kids in their families), that kid doesn't go to the grocery store. If a kid has a meltdown, the parent usually removes the child from the environment that is causing the meltdown. Is it always possible? No.
(The normal kid meltdowns aren't what bugs me. It's the obvious newborn who is screaming for over half an hour from either hunger or tiredness while grandma holds her and mom waits in line to buy something that is not really that important. ((Nothing at my store is that important.)) Also, it's not always the patrons that I feel sorry for but the kids. That baby was obviously very distressed, a very young newborn, and out when the measles "outbreak" was happening, and in the area with the most cases.)
And some of us with children with special needs children and jobs and other children and other responsibilities don't have the luxury of always scheduling errands around the child. Its rarely possible.
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