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Seriously!? Is this being sarcastic? No way do children get to dictate. I am an educator and, no, this child is not entitled to her way in these issues. Why does any child need to have their choice of every little thing? What's wrong with, here is a bowl of 'whatever' cereal? Why shouldn't she do homework first? No, every child shouldn't think the world revolves around them as it surely doesn't. They are not ENTITLED.
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However...I don't agree that a child should not be allowed to pick out what they want to, or not want, to eat, or not be allowed to be express wants. It doesn't mean that they will get it....but it does not make for a narcissistic brat if a parent knows they don't like corn flakes but like granola.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-10-2015 at 11:09 PM..
Reason: report if you suspect a troll. Don't call them out
I haven't read all of the replies,but here's my thought.
If you give your kids definite boundaries, and then enforce those boundaries, they will grow up correctly learning that Hey, there are boundaries in life. And there are consequences for going outside of the boundaries.
That isn't growing up correctly.
There are arbitrary boundaries and we should never be restricted by random boundaries.
IF children grow up getting EVERTHING they want..THEY grow up to be Tea Party mentality folks who refuse to do anything with out getting 100% of their wishes..
LOL Joking aside..Kids basically have to brought up with that nuance..THEY are good ..HOWEVER..A BIG HOWEVER....They also need to learn their are consequences ( not beatings or depredations either)..but accountable for their actions..(Important to articulate in their language level..It's the BEHAVIOUR or DECISION that Wrong)...and encourage dialogue....Then of course praise when good behaviours surfaces...Balance is..both sides of equations should never be "Over the Top"...
As children grow up..they do learn social morales and right from wrong..Truth and Lies and consequences are far less IF honest..
Then..finally "Consistency" is the key!! You can't allow BAD stuff sometimes..then come down on them at other times...Teach them the difference between right from wrong starting basic..and evolve as they grow, learn and interact with others outside your home ( School/playing in schoolyard/Participating in Sports)....You will do just fine OP
What's wrong with refusing to do anything without getting 100% of what you want?
To the OP. Your question and concerns are very important, especially in our current society. I applaud you for recognizing your role as a parent in shaping your children's social / emotional well-being. You should be concerned. I am currently working in a middle school and the need is great. We have got to do something. I was reading recently where someone said, 'What are you going to do this year to make the world a better place?" There are things we can do. I decided I would incorporate the teaching of these vital skills through literature.
I have for years as an educator with preschoolers used an approach: "For Now and Forever: A Family Guide for Promoting the Social and Emotional Development of Infants and Toddlers", which "supports families in understanding what social and emotional health of infants and toddlers is, how to recognize key behaviors, and how to support children's social/ emotional health in the home setting in simple ways everyday." It is literature based, using children's books, many of them classics, to teach such skills.
Now in a middle school setting, my student population is naturally different in regard to literary needs. So, just last week I ordered/received my copy of "Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs". These seven skills are:
focus and self control
perspective taking
communicating
making connections
critical thinking
taking on challenges
self-directed, engaged learning
"This book describes strategies for teachers in their classrooms--and for families at home--to foster these critical cognitive and social-emotional skills." I'm collecting the associated books now. I'm really excited about using the techniques and sharing them with other teachers and parents.
I want to do something to help. Everyday I am surrounded by students who lack these crucial skills and if I can do something to help them, I will.
OP, your children are very fortunate that you have recognized their need and are willing to accept and act on your responsibility to help shape them into the best people they can be. Bravo.
I agree that most of those 7 skills are important, but kids can learn all of those and still get everything they want. And they don't need all of those skills to be fully developed by 6th grade.
I don't think "self-directed learning" is important though. That just sounds like an excuse for an educator to be lazy.
A lot of enabling parents here and also some narcissistic ones!?
In many respects, the opposite of narcissism is tolerance and empathy. I used to work at a school for severely disabled kids. It was clear that the siblings of the students who lived at home (many did not but usually because they were assaultive to self or others) were very well adjusted, compassionate and precocious.
Maybe together you could volunteer at such a place? If you do chose to volunteer, i would make sure it is helping other *kids* like those with special needs, foster kids, sick kids, etc.
You should never need to use guilt like "see how good you have it," because they actually WILL SEE IT! Over time- like a few years- it will be nearly impossible for her not to appreciate their differences and wants/needs in comparison to her own. Even if she doesn't make a *concious* connection about it.
At 7, you would need to volunteer with her. As she gets older, there are programs that might also combine and help foster her growing interests such as horseback riding, swimming, climbing, camp, etc., for special needs kids.
Helping disadvantaged adults probably won't have the same effect. Except if there is a special needs family member she can share time with like a schizophrenic aunt, blind cousin, etc.
( As I write this, I'm thinking that a program like "poor sister org" as opposed to "big sister org" might be beneficial for kids who might be on the "narcissistic route." Of couse if the kid ever knew this, they would reject it as "learning!" )
Just raise them the way kids were raised BEFORE the stupid "self-esteem movement" (that is, before the last two generations). It worked for centuries!!!
Just raise them the way kids were raised BEFORE the stupid "self-esteem movement" (that is, before the last two generations). It worked for centuries!!!
Have to agree with this, after seeing all too personally the end results of the "self-esteem movement". However, do NOT bring back corporal punishment...no place for that, ever.
What's wrong with refusing to do anything without getting 100% of what you want?
If you want to live in a community, you need to consider both what you want and what others want. Otherwise people will not want to be around you and you will probably end up lonely and unhappy. When two or more individuals interact, the system needs to be balanced. When you are very focused on getting your own way, you lose sight of what is really important, the relationship between you and the other people in your life.
Just raise them the way kids were raised BEFORE the stupid "self-esteem movement" (that is, before the last two generations). It worked for centuries!!!
Yeah they also put kids to work in factories a century ago.....that worked to if you don't count missing limbs and dead kids.
There is nothing wrong or 'entittling' about treating kids with some respect as humans while teaching them right ftom wrong and stopping bullies from harassing others.
You are just the other side of the coin from the Energy Poe that us running around.
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