Theories on why some people tend to not want babies? (breastfeeding, teenagers)
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I'm pleasantly surprised that it took 6 pages for someone to say something negative about the childfree by choice people.
For a couple of decades I was asked why I didn't want kids a lot, and inevitably would have to debate my choice with family, friends, and strangers. Typically, women who thought it was some kind of judgement on the choices they made and that if I didn't feel the same, I must be wrong. Or just overall smugness.
I once said to my mother "I just never dreamed of having my own children, never really wanted them." to which she said "Don't wait for that feeling, because I never had it either" LOL I have 3 siblings, that all have their own children, and we did not have a terrible home life growing up.
I babysat, I am the cool aunt to my nieces and nephews, I just never thought the responsibility and effort was worth it for me. Luckily, my husband feels the same.
Personally, I see a LOT of overwhelmed, stressed-out, miserable parents everywhere I look. How many have children because they just had a burning desire to be parents, and how many didn't realize it was optional? I've always thought for myself and, in this case, am glad I did.
Kids are stressful, no doubt about it, and a lot of hard work. They also put a strain on a marriage, so unless you're in a good place with your spouse, your finances, your job situation... I don't recommend anyone have children if they aren't happy with those three things.
For me, I always knew I wanted kids, it was my wife that was unsure, but she came around as she got older. I work and make a good salary, am successful, but any monetary compensation or job accolades really don't compare in the slightest to watching my children accomplish something themselves.
I chose not to have children because I knew myself well enough to realize I would not -- could not -- be a good mother.
DH didn't want children, either, which was good because I was 37 when I met him.
Every five years or so we talk about that decision -- we could have adopted, I suppose -- and reflect that we made the correct one. Our marriage would not have lasted with the added stress of kids.
As DH says, "About all we've missed is doing the things that parents typically do with their kids." My sister's kids all had horse-related activities and of course many families plan their vacations around their kids.
We vacation in September so we can avoid those families.
Don't parents ever get sick of the child-related culture, of the vast children's product industries keyed to movies, cartoons and the like? I think they must. I think they long for adult pursuits. If you give up your essential self to descend into the netherworld of disposable diapers and baby wipes, who are you 18 years later? I had no interest in finding out.
I had wonderful parents who were very nurturing, but that didn't make me want to have kids. I was the youngest, and my siblings were quite a bit older, so our household was very calm and orderly. I liked it that way. When I visited friends who had younger siblings, I found the atmosphere to be loud, messy, and chaotic.
This^^^. Not all people who don't want kids had bad parents - my parents are great and I couldn't have asked for better.
I do think watching them raise my developmentally disabled brother had a significant impact on me not wanting kids because I saw how much work is involved when the child isn't "normal". My brother turned out far more self-sufficient than anyone ever expected him to thanks to all the hard work put into raising him, but watching it made me realize that I had zero desire to have to ever go thru raising a kid with issues. The typical rewards parents get when raising kids are greatly diminished when you have a disabled or sick child and the downsides increase significantly - to me if the typical rewards wouldn't be there to offset the huge burdens of raising the child what would be the point?
If genetic engineering existed that would guarantee me a smart kid with no physical or mental disabilities, there's a decent chance I would have had a kid, but since it doesn't - I didn't and never will.
I chose not to have children because I knew myself well enough to realize I would not -- could not -- be a good mother.
DH didn't want children, either, which was good because I was 37 when I met him.
Every five years or so we talk about that decision -- we could have adopted, I suppose -- and reflect that we made the correct one. Our marriage would not have lasted with the added stress of kids.
As DH says, "About all we've missed is doing the things that parents typically do with their kids." My sister's kids all had horse-related activities and of course many families plan their vacations around their kids.
We vacation in September so we can avoid those families.
Don't parents ever get sick of the child-related culture, of the vast children's product industries keyed to movies, cartoons and the like? I think they must. I think they long for adult pursuits. If you give up your essential self to descend into the netherworld of disposable diapers and baby wipes, who are you 18 years later? I had no interest in finding out.
I'll try to answer your questions, some people do choose to give up their adult pursuits when they have kids but it doesn't have to be that way. My oldest child is 21 and somehow I managed to do a lot of adult activities while I was raising her. I worked, I finished college, I went dancing, went to to bars, restaurants, movies, I went on several childless vacations, I went to museums, I went skydiving, whitewater rafting, bungee jumping (I think you get the idea.) My point is, your adult life doesn't have to stop because you have children, you can still have adult fun it just takes a little more planning.
Anyway, I don't really understand this netherworld of diapers and wipes, you do realize that the diaper stage of parenting is very short and for a decent part of the 18 years kids are pretty self-sufficient? A had a teenager once and while she could get on my nerves from time to time she wasn't that difficult to take care of. Yes, cartoons and kids movies can get annoying but it's not really a big deal. It's only a few years anyway and eventually little kids grow out of that stage (plus your not forced to watch at gunpoint.)
Everyone is different but I never felt like I lost myself in patenting. Being a mom is part of who I am but it isn't all of me. I love my kids but I also love other parts of my life outside of my kids.
Hi all. I'm a male in my 40's and happily married for 13 years. And I have never wanted a baby. The thought has always scared me to death. I see it as a huge responsibility that I don't want, almost like having a 2nd job. I thought in my 20's "well I'll feel differently in my 30's". But that never happened.
In my early 30's I did research at my work and asked seriously about 20 different married guys who were older and had kids, if they knew for sure they wanted kids, or did they just go with the flow and have them even though they had doubts? Not one of them said they had any doubts about it. They all were 100% sure they wanted kids before they had them. So basically I was totally the opposite of them.
Anyone have theories on why some people like me don't want babies? I have another friend who loves kids, plays with his little cousins all the time but like me is adamant on not ever having any babies (he is married too). I noticed we both have something similar, our fathers were very stern / serious, and not the best fathers in the world. Was thinking that was the reason why? My brother also does not want kids. Your thoughts?
Well, in my case, my Father took his life when I was 4. I then started suffering from depression when I was 26 so I saw the signs that I didn't want to pass this along, so I vowed to that if I ever married, I'd get snipped and till then, wear a raincoat.
Now? I never married, wore the raincoat often and have NO REGRETS of leaving a child alone with a "Unresponsive" Mother (She had issues with her Father not being able to express his love either...Down south people play it so close to the vest it seems) and so I continue to my end with no tears for what could have been a disaster.
This should not even be up to debate in the 21st Century. Get a vasectomy. Get your tubes tied, or BOTH for a couple who don't want children. People who truly do not want to be parents, period, will make very bad parents and do their offspring no favors simply by complying to what is expected of them.
Get over this subject. Have as many children, or NONE, as you yourself so choose. Take this from a Granny whose own mother many decades ago said it was MY choice, not her's.
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