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Apparently there is according to this thread. I can understand the OP not wanting her son to communicate with an adult woman (would it have been ok if she were 25?), but I'm not going to assume the woman was a "predator" just for talking to him. Even if she had a crush on him, that doesn't make her a predator, in my opinion.
Why would the original poster not want her son to communicate with an adult?
Should a parent try to filter every single message their child hears? The boy is 16, not 10.
I think you handled it very well. And the fact that your son didn't fight you over it and sent her the text indicates that although he enjoyed the conversations, he was not altogether comfortable with what was going on.
Keep the lines of communication open with your son and let him know how happy you are that he listened to you and was truthful with you. Also, be willing to listen to him talk about what transpired between them. It's tough being a teenager and if he feels like he just lost his "best friend," be sympathetic to that. She is the one who stepped way over the line here.
It would not be surprising at all if she continued to try to contact him, or urge him to let you know if it happens. There was a situation in our city where a teacher was fired for having a relationship with a student and also arrested for something--statutory rape, I assume. The judge specifically ordered him to stay away from her but he kept contacting her, even though his freedom was on the line. Be vigilant but try not to alienate your son.
Good luck.
I don't understand how you can have a 5 hour conversation with someone who is not physically there and not enjoy it.
My guess is he either didn't mean to tell the mom and just agreed to go along with that so she'll stop paying attention to her or the two had a fight and he wasn't mature enough to handle it on is own so he got his mom involved. Neither of those scenarios are positive.
Also, don't equate an actual rape with a phone conversation.
I'll risk being wrong and erring on the side of caution to protect my son. I don't need to extend the benefit of the doubt to a weirdo stranger who wants to chat with my teenage son all night long. What I'd want to do is go to her house and smackaho.
Let's look at it this way:
Assuming the 40yo has noble intentions, what will be gained?
1) The 16yo has a friend 400 miles away
Shoot, tell him to go outside and make friends among his peers
Assuming the 40yo has less than noble intentions, what could happen?
1) Husband shows up less than pleased and armed
2) Crazy lady seduces horny 16yo and gets knocked up. Surprise OP! You're a grandparent now!
3) 16 yo disappears
Just looking at this scenario for 2 minutes and the cons already seriously outweigh the pros.
You're not looking at the situation objectively.
Any peer's dad could be mad that their kid is associating with the poster's kid and could show up armed too.
The 16-year old could also run away after being cut off from her best friend.
The 16-year old might not run away, but go to a local bar and knock up a 40-year old woman whom they have no history with and while he is intoxicated. The first poster could still be a grandparent.
She may be preying other young boys just like your son. Therefore, I would make a fake page, portraying myself as a 15-17 year old boy, and try to talk to her, and see her reaction. She is old, she must stay in her zone and get with an older man (if she is really going through a divorce0.
That's sick!!!
What evidence do you have that she was preying on him?
That there's a big age gap. That's not enough evidence.
I'm 50. I have a 17 year old friend with whom I share an interest in the Titanic disaster. I have a 23 year old friend with whom I share an interest in politics. And I have a 21 year old friend with whom I share a general interest in a variety of topics. So yes, it is entirely possible for people of wildly divergent ages to share common interests.
I'm not saying that the situation discussed in this thread is as pure as the driven snow, especially in light of the OP's follow up. I'm just objecting to the blanket statement that people of different ages can't possibly have anything in common.
You also don't really have to have anything in common.
When I think about what I have in common with my friends who are 15-20 years younger than me, I can't think of much, other than to know they are really hilarious to interact with.
When you do the same thing for 40-80 hours a week, having a change of interaction is refreshing and helps gear you up for the next week ahead.
It sounds like you handled it perfectly OP, treating everyone with respect. I'm sorry it turned out that she did seem to be interested in more than just a friendship ultimately. Hopefully your son will be able to fill the void with people closer to his age, rather than an object of infatuation. It sounds like you have a great relationship with him & I would encourage him to talk to you or your husband about his loss, as much as he's willing to open up. You already have a pretty amazing relationship with him, in order for him to share this much with you.
Time will tell whether this was an infatuation over someone he felt he had a connection with or something more real on his part. He will be 18 in no time & can do whatever he wishes. Your son sounds very mature to understand & respect where you're coming from. Of course if he wants to continue talking to her, he will find a way, he's almost an adult. So, it's great that you found a way to nip this in the bud without alienating him. I hope that come 1 1/2 years, he'll have moved on with his life & more age-appropriate friends.
How is telling someone they are not allowed to talk to someone treating them with respect.
Saying "Oh she wanted him to wait until 18" means it was sexual is misguided. With the paranoid nature of some of these posters, maybe she just wanted to avoid the controversy. Or maybe she even agreed with those posters that meeting in person would be inappropriate, but she considers a phone call OK.
If your hope is to avoid being an object of infatuation, I'm not sure teenage girls are what your goal should be.
Why do you feel a need to limit his friends to "age appropriate"?
If he becomes friends with 16-year olds who do drugs, will you be relieved that they are the same age? That is totally asinine.
OP, I'm certainly glad that you have updated this thread.
I agree with those that say that you have an amazing relationship with your son. If you didn't, you would never have heard about any of this. You are doing something right
Keep the lines of communication open. He has to know there are consequences for continuing talking to her when he was told not to. At the same time, he should get a break for at least owning up to the fact and he needs to know what would have happened had he not come clean. Above all else, love him.
I have punished my kids for doing wrong but they knew that if they had lied to me, the punishment would have been far, far worse. And yes, I always knew when they lied. They each had their own 'tell' in how their body language was. Bwahahahahaha! I never let them know how I knew
They knew they could come to me about anything. They knew there would be consequences but that the punishment was pretty much in line with what the 'crime' was. It's funny thinking back... My daughter always talked when it was dark. Either when I was driving and it was just the two of us or when I was tucking her into bed. It was a nightly routine we had even up through teen years. I think they liked that one on one time. Towards the last, it was more of a poking my head in the door and just letting them know that I was available and to say good night.
Yes, teen time is tough. Hell, parenting is tough. There are times I do miss it though <sigh>
My grandkids are finding out that I am a good listener and sounding board, so there is that
So the parent told him not to? He's old enough to make his own decisions. If the possibility that he just pretended to not want to talk to her anymore because they had a fight and he couldn't handle it on his own, the mom could say she won't handle it next time if he starts talking to her again, but she has no power or right to control who he talks to.
Teen time isn't tough if the parent doesn't act like a dictator.
Good luck to you and your son. I am very relieved that you stepped in and hope the 40 year old will respect the appropriate boundaries you have stated. But I am also relieved that you recognize that this is a genuine loss for your son, and he will need support as he grieves. Perhaps it would be a good idea to find a counselor he can talk to - even just a few sessions, but clearly he's got some things he feels the need to talk about with someone besides his parents. That's age appropriate but I think it can be tough for boys because they are so socialized to not talk about feelings. I find that mature men get past that, and realize that good friends can talk about these things, but that's not likely for 16 year olds.
What boundaries exactly are implemented?
I doubt an 18-month ban is going to dissuade her.
Even if we assume a hypothetical where she continues to contact him anyway, provided she doesn't do anything sexual, the case won't even be heard before the kid turns 18.
So what's the punishment going to be from the courts?
I feel for him, really. I was a teenage boy once and your emotions go crazy. Some day he will thank you for saving him from someone sick enough to even consider such a relationship, and for giving him the opportunity to chase girls his own age.
We don't know the woman wanted a physical relationship. We don't have anything to suggest that.
If the first poster does have info about that, then they should say so.
And I really hate the "some day he will thank you line." That almost never happens. What if he really liked her and it's hard to repair the friendship after a 2-year separation? He might never forgive the parent then and they might never talk again. Was that really worth it? No.
The first poster could easily have just met the woman. You can tell pretty fast if someone is a good fit for your kid and if she did seem unhinged, then she could have enacted the ban with a clear conscience.
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