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I'm not talking about what's going on between these two. I'm talking about a general statement that "Anything that a kid is saying to a friend better be something that can be said in front of the parents."The poster was not specifying in this case; s/he was saying ever.
Why do you need to know all the details of every conversation with a kid's adult friend? Lots of kids become friends with coaches, youth directors, etc and talk to them about personal stuff.
How many kids do you know spend hours at a time talking to a coach or teacher or some other adult friend? I can tell you it does not happen normally. If it is happening that should be a big red flag. The parents that started this thread spoke of catching her son spending hours on the phone with the woman. On top of that the boy had never met her in person but was only holding an online gaming relationship. That should tip any adult off to another big red flag.
I stand behind what I said. I am not saying that a kid has to say everything in front of a parent. I am saying that no kid has any reason to say something in private that can not be said in front of a parent.
Way too many kids out there saying and posting things that they would never say in front of a parent. Way too many kids out there getting into trouble and the parents are clueless. Plenty of social media sites that have adults that are looking for the right kid, the one that they can build trust to the point that the kid ends up doing something they will regret later on, or getting involved with something that they should not have been involved with.
Parents have a right to protect their kids from everything. Parents should be monitoring what happens on the computer, on the phone, and with every interaction between coaches and teachers. The good coaches and teachers will not care that a parent is watching. They will see that as a sign of support. The bad coaches and teachers will want to hide. I would say that the majority of coaches and teachers have the best interest for the kids. It is those few that make a parent need to be on the look out all the time.
I don't understand how you can have a 5 hour conversation with someone who is not physically there and not enjoy it.
My guess is he either didn't mean to tell the mom and just agreed to go along with that so she'll stop paying attention to her or the two had a fight and he wasn't mature enough to handle it on is own so he got his mom involved. Neither of those scenarios are positive.
Also, don't equate an actual rape with a phone conversation.
Your posts make me wonder if you have been the adult in a relationship with a minor.
I'm not trying to insult you, but you started posting on C-D in the last week and seem consumed with this thread.
And telling someone they have "no say in anything" is a GREAT way to create more problems. Even if you succeed in making him stop talking to that woman, it's a great way to have the kid start hanging around people who are addicted to drugs.
That's not a good trade off.
That was how my brothers and I were raised, and none of us got involved with drugs, or had kids when we were still in school, or got in trouble with the law. I was the only one who actually dated while still in HS, and that wasn't until the end of my senior year, and my bf was a classmate. First time we went on a date, my mother insisted on meeting his father (his parents were divorced and he lived with his dad) before she would allow it.
Our parents ran that household, they made the rules because they were the ones paying the bills AND because they were the adults in that scenario, and we could either accept it or not. When we turned 18 and were out of school we were free to leave if we so chose, just don't expect Mom and Dad to pay our bills if we did. If we wanted to live at home after HS, we had to either be working or in college, preferably both. My parents were very clear that they were only raising one generation, us, and that they would not carry any deadbeat adult kids.
If you translate those phrases into a work environment, they could say "And while he is profiting from making money at our company and paying for the phone he is using to make money, we have the right to make the rules for his entire life. We can allow you to talk to friends, but we will monitor every conversation and have someone dispatched to enforce a curfew every night. We will decide who you are allowed to talk to and if we don't like one of your family members, we will make you disown them. If you don't like that, we'll fire you and have you blacklisted, (good luck trying to support yourself when we blacklist you) and you can make your own rules."
What rational adult would work under that environment, so why should we expect a teenager to do so?
You are comparing apples to some unnamed fruit that doesn't exist.
Adults in a workplace agree to abide by reasonable rules (not the made up ones you posted). Kids are under the authority, BY LAW of a parent or guardian.
A few weeks ago our son casually mentioned that he has been chatting with a 40 year old woman online. I tried not to overreact. I asked him what they chat about. He said they both play the same online video game and initially, they just talked about that. Then it veered off into music, movies and books. Then she told him that she is in the midst of a difficult divorce. Sshe lives about 400 miles away.
We were really happy that he volunteered this information, which indicated he wasn't being secretive about it. We decided the best course was to keep the lines of communication open and just make sure he keeps us informed. We had a long talk about internet safety, cat fishing, etc.
We make him turn in his cellphone before bed every night, so he isn't up all hours of the night. My husband noticed that he does delete his text conversations with this woman.
So, yesterday we looked at the landline phone bill.
He has been talking to her on the phone in the middle of the night. Once, on a Monday night, he had a FIVE HOUR conversation with her. Twice, he had two hour conversations after midnight. This is all in the past two weeks.
We sat him down and confronted him with this. I did a search on Facebook of her phone number. She does have the name and age that she told him, but she still identifies as "married" on her FB profile. We have a difficult time believing that this "relationship" has not veered off into inappropriate territory. He swears up and down they are just friends. We are also concerned her husband is going to look at THEIR phone bill and try to find the person his wife has been chatting with in the middle of the night. I told my son that he needs to think hard about ending this. My husband said, "No thinking is required - END IT". I didn't want to be harsh, because usually that just causes teens to sneak around and do stuff behind your back.
My husband wants to call her just in case she isn't aware that he is only sixteen. I'm worried about losing our son's trust, but I see his point. I'm really not sure where to go from here.
Take away the phone? Make him pay for a prepaid, or get a contract, whatever. Doubt he would still be talking to her once he started to come out of his pockets for her.
You need diversion. Get him a gf his age that keeps him busy and preoccupied. He needs to be involved in other things that kids his age do so that he doesn't go after the phone or online thing.
btw there is no doubt that there is an american pie MILF moment going on between the two. What normal conversation would they be having after mid night. You as a parent need intervention but not a strict one. This is a vulnerable age as you know so be careful how you want to proceed with this.
Adults in a workplace agree to abide by reasonable rules (not the made up ones you posted). Kids are under the authority, BY LAW of a parent or guardian.
Actually in a lot of states the mere disobedience of a parent is not a crime. Even Ohio, which seems very strict, is a gray area. It would still have to go through proper legal process and be subject to interpretation by a judge as to what is an unreasonable refusal to obey parental requests.
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