Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hate to sound like an old f*** but I was always forced to stay home Christmas Day. My grandmother lived next door and the rest of her children and grandchildren (my aunts/uncles/cousins) came over...most for dinner (at 1PM) and then later more relatives who ate elsewhere, stopped by throughout the evening.
As a teen, I was bored. Now both my parents are gone, and all my aunts and uncles, too. My cousins are far-flung around the world. Yet I have fond memories of those Christmases. Being teased by my older cousins, listening to Uncle Wally and my Dad argue politics and sports. Hearing my mother and her sisters talk about new Christmas cookie recipes that they tried that year.
It's sometimes not a bad thing to make a young teenager sit around with relatives....they may even appreciate it someday.
Interesting reading. I'm glad mine are grown. My thoughts:
Now that we have all the details, a 15 yo with a 12 yo bf, I'm even less inclined than I was before to say yes. I didn't follow that other thread, don't know what the 12 yo's family situation is, sounds like "not good". The 12 yo is certainly young to be spending his Christmas with another family. Will the kids see each other in church, either Christmas Eve and/or Christmas Day?
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74
Depends on the details. If it's to go away somewhere, no. If it's to spend part of the day there, then yes, as long as the scheduling works with your own family's plans. For instance, your family opens gifts in the morning and then has a big meal together around 1 pm. Your teen's bf/gf has their family dinner a 6 pm. I would have no problem letting my kid leave to attend that (or vice versa if the scheduling was flipped). As adults, we all know that it's highly unlikely that a bf or gf at age 15 is going to be around for all that long, but that doesn't change the way it feels for your teen right now and their desire to be with their bf/gf on a special day. You might want to try inviting the bf/gf to join your own family for your celebration as well.
That's nice if it works out that way. What if both families wanted the kid(s) around at the same time?
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626
I somewhat disagree. My immediate family rarely spent Christmas at home, generally we were traveling out of town or out of state to visit the grandparents or other relatives so it was not very easy for our children to spend "a couple of hours" with their friends on Christmas. Or else we would attend Church on Christmas Eve, open presents as a family on Christmas morning and have Christmas dinner and spend all afternoon/evening Christmas Day with aunts and uncles, again, not very conducive for a teen to spend "a couple of hours" with their friends on Christmas.
Perhaps, my children were different but they never spent a holiday (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter) with a BF or GF's family or had a BF or GF spend a holiday with us, nor did they ever ask. Both of our children had one or more BF/GF that they dated for a while (nine months to 18 months ) and other shorter term BF/GF, but it never even came up.
Our children's friends were always welcome at our house, and were there often but our teens never asked to see their friends/BF/GF on holidays nor did their parents invite our teen to their house on holidays. Maybe this is more common in other parts of the country or in other ethnic groups or other socio-economic groups or for some other reasons because I certainly did not see that happening among the teens of my friends or relatives, either.
I'm more with you. My kids didn't date in HS, so there were no boyfriends then. My older DD had a boyfriend the first two years she was in college who lived locally. I do not recall them doing anything together either Christmas Day, and by the second year they were 19 and 20. Then again, I don't recall that they didn't either!
We live(d) far from both families and didn't usually go to visit; we were usually here by ourselves. (All parents gone now, mine were both gone by the time the oldest was a freshman in HS.) Sometimes someone was visiting us. I can remember the neighbor kids coming over late in the afternoon on Christmas Day. I don't know how I would have liked one or both being gone on Christmas Day. Just sayin'.
The younger DD started seeing someone right before Christmas of her senior year in college. I do recall that; he went home to MN for Christmas. It was a long time until he spent a Christmas with us, and she never went there for Christmas as long as she lived here in Colorado.
Re: the bold, I agree with germaine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redguitar77111
What's the worst that could happen?
You would not have the company of your child on what many people consider a very important day.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 12-16-2017 at 04:19 PM..
Reason: typo
When I was a kid I lived in apartments and we spent the bulk of the day still playing outside. After morning traditions and pre Christmas dinner, there was a lot of "down time". I didn't marry any of the neighborhood kids. Nor did I feel like I was going to at the time.
As a teen I spent a lot of holiday time going around and visiting friends and boyfriends and family. Didn't marry any of them.
PS........going on vacation with the opposite sex for the OP's kids would be the least of her worries.
Why would it be "the least of her worries"?
I do not care weather the children involved are heterosexual, homosexual, gender fluid, bisexual or what have you.
Christmas is a family holiday, and children who are fortunate enough to have families, should spend significant holidays with them, not with "boyfriends" or "girlfriends" - what ever their orientation may be.
To do otherwise, is to promote early romantic relationships, discarded dreams and educations, and babies born not "on purpose".
These are not college sweet hearts. They are 15 and 12 year olds. Each should spend the day with their respective families.
Even in the case of college age romances, when one of my kids drove to Ohio from his college in New England with his then girlfriend, they both took her car. She dropped him at our house. I ordered a pizza and made a salad, after which she went home.
She spent Christmas Eve and day at her house, as my son did at his.
Yes, they dated during winter break. She had dinner with our family one night. He had dinner with hers another night.
Her parents did not invite us over to visit. And we did not invite them. Why would we? They were 19 and not close to being engaged.
They have since broken up.
When you involve families, or permit significant others to become deeply involved with their SOs family, you are promoting the relationship and making any eventual breakup more dramatic than needed.
There are some parents who do promote early relationships. They are seeking a different outcome.
We were seeking college graduation followed by grad school. Not a wedding.
I don't think that a parent welcoming a teenage boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be making one speck of difference when it comes to their adult kids getting married early or late. I'm sorry, but you're giving yourself way too much credit -- inviting a boyfriend to your house is not going to make your daughter drop out of school and marry him. I like to get to know my kids' friends, and that will include romantic partners, if they permit it. Just as they can freely have friends over, they'll be allowed to freely have boyfriends and girlfriends over. I also tend to know the parents of my kids' friends (they are 14 and almost 17). Maybe not exactly the norm in this culture, but none of their friends have ever had a problem with it.
My son now has one friend whose parents we don't really know; my husband met the dad once. But all of the other friends? We've met the parents a few times in all cases and are casual or close friends with them in some cases. I don't expect my kids to marry any of their current male or female friends or even to stay besties for life... I just think it's good to be involved in what minor teenagers are doing and who they're hanging out with. College students are young adults and that's a different story. If the kids continue to bring friends around, though, which I hope they do, then we'll meet those friends/partners, too.
AnotherTouchOfWhimsey and HighFlyingBird - my opinion about early dating, and it's negative influences on achievement, is informed by studies such as the one I am about to link here.
The findings of this study assert that moderate daters have the best academic outcomes, followed closely by non-daters. One of my children was a "non-dater", the other a "moderate dater" as defined by this study.
I don't disagree that focusing too much on dating can cause issues in school and even depression. I just don't think that a parent welcoming or not welcoming a high-school or college-age child's partner to their home on Christmas Day is going to make any difference.
I don't disagree that focusing too much on dating can cause issues in school and even depression. I just don't think that a parent welcoming or not welcoming a high-school or college-age child's partner to their home on Christmas Day is going to make any difference.
Nor do I. The friends of my children were always welcome in my home, because it was also the home of my children.
I realize there is much more to the OP's situation, but even so, I see no reason to refuse the request of her son.
I don't think that a parent welcoming a teenage boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be making one speck of difference when it comes to their adult kids getting married early or late. I'm sorry, but you're giving yourself way too much credit -- inviting a boyfriend to your house is not going to make your daughter drop out of school and marry him. I like to get to know my kids' friends, and that will include romantic partners, if they permit it. Just as they can freely have friends over, they'll be allowed to freely have boyfriends and girlfriends over. I also tend to know the parents of my kids' friends (they are 14 and almost 17). Maybe not exactly the norm in this culture, but none of their friends have ever had a problem with it.
My son now has one friend whose parents we don't really know; my husband met the dad once. But all of the other friends? We've met the parents a few times in all cases and are casual or close friends with them in some cases. I don't expect my kids to marry any of their current male or female friends or even to stay besties for life... I just think it's good to be involved in what minor teenagers are doing and who they're hanging out with. College students are young adults and that's a different story. If the kids continue to bring friends around, though, which I hope they do, then we'll meet those friends/partners, too.
Is this really that rare today? Why is your post the first that really examines the broader subject? That's how I was brought up and that's how my kids were brought up and I could not be happier with the experiences or the outcomes. I still keep in touch and see some of the people who were in my life at the age of the kids in the OP as do my kids; I still see some of their friends too. Whether they were classmates, teammates or potential romantic interests really was unimportant; having homes where all were welcome made for well-rounded experiences. This would never be more true than on holidays.
I feel Christmas is a family affair so I want my family/closest friends around. I wouldn’t want some child my sons been “dating” for under 3 months around. I can’t understand why anyone would.
I totally agree, but unfortunately thhe majority of this forum wants mandatory sex ed in preschools, so they are not really a representative sample of the general population.
If you mentioned that to a preK teacher, they'd burst out laughing.
The only way I would agree is if the other person has parents that are either not alive or stupidly think that staying away on business for a holiday is a good idea.
And your son wants the people HE feels closest to. at 15, dating for only 3 months isn't relevant, he feels close enough to his girlfriend to want to spend time with her. Be respectful of his feelings, this is the start of transitioning to relating to each other as adults and not adult to child.
Why don't you go let them get an apartment together if the kid's feelings are all that matter?
Screw what the kid thinks.
If he can't spend a day away from his girlfriend, she's going to dump him anyway because he's clearly a huge pushover and girls hate that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Nor do I. The friends of my children were always welcome in my home, because it was also the home of my children. 