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I didn’t think it was a common thing for parents to allow. Also, and more importantly, while I do want to give this boy another chance I don’t want to be let down on Christmas.
I know you're trolling in the middle of the night, at least the middle of my night in Colorado, so I've tried to ignore this stuff or get a few laughs out of it.
However, as a nurse, I've had to work many Christmases. So do many other professionals.
That user clearly wanted to offend as many people as possible. My sister is a nurse and she works so hard! Most sane people understand.
Wow, I had no idea that spending a few hours together on Christmas Day in particular is what causes babies! (Never mind that this is a couple of two boys... wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle?!)
This made me genuinely laugh.
At any rate, impossible male pregnancies not withstanding, I do not want them having a chance to get up to anything untoward.
This made me genuinely laugh.
At any rate, impossible male pregnancies not withstanding, I do not want them having a chance to get up to anything untoward.
Have you decided what to do? If I missed it, I am sorry...there was some distracting trolling in there.
I know you don't like the other kid but having him over helps control the situation some. Maybe just make a deal he can come over for a few hours when it is convenient for you.
I have 2 grown kids and some younger ones (one is 12 and I couldn't imagine him dating at all) but there were times where I didn't like the girlfriends or some of the friends. I found it easier to "suck it up" and play nice and have them over instead of the alternatives (fighting with my kid, causing drama, pushing my kid towards bad relationships just to spite me, not knowing what they were up to at the other person's house).
I know that in this particular case, there's some issue with the other half of the couple being a 12-year-old. In general, though, I think it is probably helpful to keep in mind that when you're dealing with teenagers, you're no longer raising a child but encouraging a child to become an adult. You can't make all of their decisions for them and then suddenly hand over the reigns at 18 years of age. They need to be allowed to make choices, even if they're not the ones that you, as a parent, would make.
Think ahead a little bit. When your child is 18 and can do what they want, will they willingly spend holidays with you after being treated as though they were not allowed to welcome guests in their own home just a few short years prior? I know that parenting in general is balancing the tasks of today with the goals of the future, but with teens, I think it needs to be skewed more toward the future and less toward your personal inconvenience over trivial matters.
And yes, I have two teenagers; my son is turning 17 in a few weeks and my daughter is 14. Do they make some choices I don't love? Absolutely. Unless their safety or future liberty is at stake, I try not to prohibit anything outright. They can lose privileges (for example, my son does not have a bedtime, but if he's making enough noise in his room across the house that it disturbs me after 11 pm, then he is done on the computer/phone/whatever he's doing), but I don't say, "you're not allowed to yada yada," again, unless it's a matter of them putting themselves at serious risk. Inviting a friend or boy/girlfriend over for a few hours on Christmas is not risky or harmful.
A couple of years ago, my son wanted to travel with a friend's family from December 25 (in the evening, after we had celebrated as a family) to January 4ish. Did I love the idea? No. Did I want him to spend that whole week and a half traveling? Not really. But you know what? He had an amazing time. He got to make choices (which included missing out on our family tradition of fondue on New Year's Eve) and he learned how to be away from us and traveling in different states with different people. We didn't insist that he sit home with us because that's what we preferred; he got to make the decision.
OP, you have three Christmases left before your son can simply decide to go elsewhere and not spend the day with you at all... try to balance that realization with your desire to have everything your way every minute of that day.
I think the bolds are a very poor reason for letting this kid do what he wants. That seems like blackmail as in, "Let me do this or I'll never spend a Christmas with you again". Significant others come and go. One thing I told my kids was that family will always be there for them, unlike friends and SOs.
That said, I probably would have said "yes" to the trip you posted above. I'd probably say "no" to the OP's kid's request.
Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird
No it isn't. We did it for my entire step kid's childhoods. Every major holiday. And it wasn't because we liked eachother...it was because it wasn't too hard.
I think you take Christmas too seriously and expect others will too. Not everyone has a big extended family flying in. Not everyone thinks the day is the end-all and be-all of family togetherness. And not everyone reserves Christmas just for time with family...some include friends. Some don't even celebrate it.
You were doing the finagling of schedule for family; this is rearranging a schedule for a 12 yo SO.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten
I didn’t think it was a common thing for parents to allow. Also, and more importantly, while I do want to give this boy another chance I don’t want to be let down on Christmas.
As you can see, opinion is pretty much divided. Do what you feel is right. You're there in the situation, not us.
Not really blackmail, more just the way life goes. I will say that when we lived in the same state as our parents, we spent substantially more time with one set than with the other. There was a reason for that. I think making the effort to foster a good relationship with your teens and respect their independence will help your relationship with them once they’re an adult. Insisting on having your own way all of the time will not.
Have you decided what to do? If I missed it, I am sorry...there was some distracting trolling in there.
I know you don't like the other kid but having him over helps control the situation some. Maybe just make a deal he can come over for a few hours when it is convenient for you.
I have 2 grown kids and some younger ones (one is 12 and I couldn't imagine him dating at all) but there were times where I didn't like the girlfriends or some of the friends. I found it easier to "suck it up" and play nice and have them over instead of the alternatives (fighting with my kid, causing drama, pushing my kid towards bad relationships just to spite me, not knowing what they were up to at the other person's house).
I've decided he can come over for a few hours.
I am clearly growing soft in my old age but on account of his recent normal behavior and my son's advocating for him I am willing to take the risk.
There will be plenty of adults around who I can trust to keep an eye on them and my MIL is partial to skinny blonde children so she'll be very happy to have one to fuss over!
As others have said, this girl is important to your son and you should respect that. He's a human being, separate from you. Its totally unfair of you to dismiss his feelings because of yours. You're setting your relationship with him as an adult now. You want him to stay emotionally close to you? Respect HIS emotions and ideas.
As others have said, this girl is important to your son and you should respect that. He's a human being, separate from you. Its totally unfair of you to dismiss his feelings because of yours. You're setting your relationship with him as an adult now. You want him to stay emotionally close to you? Respect HIS emotions and ideas.
please read the entire post. it's not entirely that simple.
I've decided he can come over for a few hours.
I am clearly growing soft in my old age but on account of his recent normal behavior and my son's advocating for him I am willing to take the risk.
There will be plenty of adults around who I can trust to keep an eye on them and my MIL is partial to skinny blonde children so she'll be very happy to have one to fuss over!
Sounds like a good compromise. I don't think you are getting soft. I think you are adapting to new and very challenging situations in your teen's life. Its a good thing. You aren't throwing up your hands and quitting parenting...just adapting, even though it isn't fun or easy. Its part of our kids growing up.
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