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Funny thing - I know several families where this isn't true. Many families don't stick together. Many families aren't there for each other. I have several friends who have a chosen family of friends. One of dearest friends inspired a sign that hangs in our living room. It says "Friends are the family you make along the way". For us, him, and many others, our friends are our families.
Neither is right. Neither is wrong. They're just different ways of living life. We all don't have choices to make. Sometimes they're made for us.
Nice anecdotal evidence. In my 50-ish years of adulthood (note I said adulthood, not just 50 years of life), the number of people I know with no relationship to their families whatsoever is zero. Note I'm not saying there's no one who doesn't have such a relationship, it's just that I've never met the person. I've lived in seven states as an adult, had at least a dozen jobs with hundreds of fairly close co-workers. I've also had many neighbors who I knew well enough to know something about their private lives, friends from activities, clubs, church, ditto.
And we are talking about a fifteen year old and his twelve year old boyfriend! I think twelve is a bit young for such serious dating, period.
The mom has made her decision. Presumably everyone will be fine with it.
You think that at 18 or 19 you will have a voice in where your child chooses to spend holidays? That's cute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Catgirl64
How on earth do you intend to stop them after 18?
Yes, I think parents have a "voice" in where their kids spend the holidays at 18 or 19.
What is it with parents who think they have (or will have) no input into what their kid (for lack of a better term) does after 18 just because the kid can legally vote? 18 isn't even the age of majority in every state; in some you still can't buy a pack of cigarettes and in none can you buy alcohol.
Having a "voice" does not mean the parents can tell the kid where to spend the holidays; it just means they can tell the kid what their own plans are and they can also tell the kids what they'd like, as in, "I'd really like it if you were here for Christmas Day when we're all having a big dinner", etc.
As far as "stopping them" after 18, everyone has the right to say who can be in their house and who can't; if you absolutely don't want someone, you can forbid your kid from bringing them. Not a decision I would choose to make unless there were some extraordinary circumstances, but it can be done.
In any event, these "whatifs" have nothing to do with the situation at hand, and the mom has made her decision. I wish them the best.
Yes, I think parents have a "voice" in where their kids spend the holidays at 18 or 19.
What is it with parents who think they have (or will have) no input into what their kid (for lack of a better term) does after 18 just because the kid can legally vote? 18 isn't even the age of majority in every state; in some you still can't buy a pack of cigarettes and in none can you buy alcohol.
Having a "voice" does not mean the parents can tell the kid where to spend the holidays; it just means they can tell the kid what their own plans are and they can also tell the kids what they'd like, as in, "I'd really like it if you were here for Christmas Day when we're all having a big dinner", etc.
As far as "stopping them" after 18, everyone has the right to say who can be in their house and who can't; if you absolutely don't want someone, you can forbid your kid from bringing them. Not a decision I would choose to make unless there were some extraordinary circumstances, but it can be done.
In any event, these "whatifs" have nothing to do with the situation at hand, and the mom has made her decision. I wish them the best.
The comment I was referring to made in post #127, where someone (not the OP) said he or she didn't intend to allow his or her children to even DATE until they were at least 18 or 19. I think that would be a bit difficult to enforce.
The comment I was referring to made in post #127, where someone (not the OP) said he or she didn't intend to allow his or her children to even DATE until they were at least 18 or 19. I think that would be a bit difficult to enforce.
I feel Christmas is a family affair so I want my family/closest friends around. I wouldn’t want some child my sons been “dating” for under 3 months around. I can’t understand why anyone would.
Well...how about because you love your kids, and you realize someday they're going to leave the nest, and wouldn't it be nice if your kids and their future spouses felt welcome at your home?
The girlfriend is important to HIM. Is that not a good enough reason to try and accommodate HIS close friend? If it can't be done, than so be it, but as the mom, I would at least try.
People grow up. You can't (even when you really want to) dictate all aspects. If it were me, I'd try to accommodate. Maybe he can go THERE for a little while, and then she can come to your house for a little while.
^^ That poster also said they'd like to arrange a marriage... could be a different culture from the one that is prevalent here in the United States. Or could be someone with a toddler (or with no children at all) who has odd ideas about what life is like with teens/young adults.
Well...how about because you love your kids, and you realize someday they're going to leave the nest, and wouldn't it be nice if your kids and their future spouses felt welcome at your home?
The girlfriend is important to HIM. Is that not a good enough reason to try and accommodate HIS close friend? If it can't be done, than so be it, but as the mom, I would at least try.
People grow up. You can't (even when you really want to) dictate all aspects. If it were me, I'd try to accommodate. Maybe he can go THERE for a little while, and then she can come to your house for a little while.
Read the thread. It's not a girlfriend, the SO is twelve years old, and the decision has been made.
Talk to the boyfriend/girlfriend's parents. Overnight sleep probably not, but during the day yes. I wouldn't mind if the respective boyfriend or girlfriend comes over too.
You think that at 18 or 19 you will have a voice in where your child chooses to spend holidays? That's cute.
uh yeah?
My sons are in their twenties and yes they have family responsibilities. Where are all these 18 year old that get to do what they want, when they want.
Or maybe I'll put it this way. yes they can choose to do what they want but they should also understand the consequences of their actions.
Yes at 18 I was a college student and yes my parents definitely had a voice in what I did.
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