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Apparently that "child" is one of your son's closest friends.
It's not all about you.
Your son should spend time with you, of course, but if he chooses to spend some time with the girlfriend or boyfriend, as well, I see nothing strange about that at all.
I know it’s not all about me but I think it is okay to feel some apprehension. For me Christmas is about having a relaxing time with those I love and our family which we don’t see too often will be visiting.
I know his boyfriend and we didn’t get on so well last time. If he behaved the same way it would not be a great atmosphere for him or the rest of my family. Even if my son visits his family I’d be worried about him if the child still acts the same way.
Right.... it's not all about the boyfriend or your daughter either. And since it's your kids that YOU are responsible for, you get some say too. Especially if they're hosting your minor daughter.
Right.... it's not all about the boyfriend or your daughter either. And since it's your kids that YOU are responsible for, you get some say too. Especially if they're hosting your minor daughter.
It's a little more complicated than that. The OP's child is a boy and the boyfriend is a 12 year old boy with behavioral problems.
That changes a bit what I would normally be OK with which is an hour or two at the end of the main festivities. I know many people that do that...movies on Christmas night etc. The OP's case, IMHO, is a bit more complicated.
Have you laid down the ground rules to your daughter, and made sure her parents understand the rules too for your daughter? Better do it before you even consider the offer. Otherwise, you might get a late Christmas present in October 2018.
Wow, I had no idea that spending a few hours together on Christmas Day in particular is what causes babies! (Never mind that this is a couple of two boys... wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle?!)
Wow, I had no idea that spending a few hours together on Christmas Day in particular is what causes babies! (Never mind that this is a couple of two boys... wouldn't that be a Christmas miracle?!)
It would be more of a miracle of people actually read before posting.
I know that in this particular case, there's some issue with the other half of the couple being a 12-year-old. In general, though, I think it is probably helpful to keep in mind that when you're dealing with teenagers, you're no longer raising a child but encouraging a child to become an adult. You can't make all of their decisions for them and then suddenly hand over the reigns at 18 years of age. They need to be allowed to make choices, even if they're not the ones that you, as a parent, would make.
Think ahead a little bit. When your child is 18 and can do what they want, will they willingly spend holidays with you after being treated as though they were not allowed to welcome guests in their own home just a few short years prior? I know that parenting in general is balancing the tasks of today with the goals of the future, but with teens, I think it needs to be skewed more toward the future and less toward your personal inconvenience over trivial matters.
And yes, I have two teenagers; my son is turning 17 in a few weeks and my daughter is 14. Do they make some choices I don't love? Absolutely. Unless their safety or future liberty is at stake, I try not to prohibit anything outright. They can lose privileges (for example, my son does not have a bedtime, but if he's making enough noise in his room across the house that it disturbs me after 11 pm, then he is done on the computer/phone/whatever he's doing), but I don't say, "you're not allowed to yada yada," again, unless it's a matter of them putting themselves at serious risk. Inviting a friend or boy/girlfriend over for a few hours on Christmas is not risky or harmful.
A couple of years ago, my son wanted to travel with a friend's family from December 25 (in the evening, after we had celebrated as a family) to January 4ish. Did I love the idea? No. Did I want him to spend that whole week and a half traveling? Not really. But you know what? He had an amazing time. He got to make choices (which included missing out on our family tradition of fondue on New Year's Eve) and he learned how to be away from us and traveling in different states with different people. We didn't insist that he sit home with us because that's what we preferred; he got to make the decision.
OP, you have three Christmases left before your son can simply decide to go elsewhere and not spend the day with you at all... try to balance that realization with your desire to have everything your way every minute of that day.
Nothing can ruin a holiday faster than a pouting teen. Find a way to work it out OP. Not all day, but certainly a few hours is reasonable. And tell him/her that the object of their affections is welcome to come by your home too.
Exactly!!! My daughter lives in NJ and has given her 17 year old son permission to spend Christmas with his girlfriend and they are going to Kentucky to visit her granny.
Coordinating the dinner schedules of 2 separate parties is going to be basically impossible.
No it isn't. We did it for my entire step kid's childhoods. Every major holiday. And it wasn't because we liked eachother...it was because it wasn't too hard.
I think you take Christmas too seriously and expect others will too. Not everyone has a big extended family flying in. Not everyone thinks the day is the end-all and be-all of family togetherness. And not everyone reserves Christmas just for time with family...some include friends. Some don't even celebrate it.
He needs to know that's a mental disorder and get it fixed.
Stop accepting everything a kid says.
Guys like girls and girls like guys. Anything different is fantasy talk.
Wow I thought you were out of touch before I read this...now I think anything you say is a big joke/
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