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Hate to sound like an old f*** but I was always forced to stay home Christmas Day. My grandmother lived next door and the rest of her children and grandchildren (my aunts/uncles/cousins) came over...most for dinner (at 1PM) and then later more relatives who ate elsewhere, stopped by throughout the evening.
Dinner at 1pm? Isn't that called LUNCH? Goyem, lol.
Sorry, nothing much to add to the thread otherwise - just can't understand the whole afternoon dinner thing, which us Jewish folks don't do. We also don't do "forced family time," generally speaking, but Christmas might be treated differently from our holidays.
Nice anecdotal evidence. In my 50-ish years of adulthood (note I said adulthood, not just 50 years of life), the number of people I know with no relationship to their families whatsoever is zero. Note I'm not saying there's no one who doesn't have such a relationship, it's just that I've never met the person. I've lived in seven states as an adult, had at least a dozen jobs with hundreds of fairly close co-workers. I've also had many neighbors who I knew well enough to know something about their private lives, friends from activities, clubs, church, ditto.
And we are talking about a fifteen year old and his twelve year old boyfriend! I think twelve is a bit young for such serious dating, period.
The mom has made her decision. Presumably everyone will be fine with it.
Well let me introduce myself. My name is Tracy. I'm 34. I learned the name of the uncle I've never met last year. His name is Jack. I think. He stopped speaking to my mother (his only sibling) before I was ever born. Oh yeah, both of my grandparents passed away before I was born also. I have no idea if he's married or if I have cousins. I don't know where he lives. I have come very, VERY close to cutting her out of my life as well. After months of not speaking with her I usually end up feeling guilty and letting her back in. We live our lives in an awkward state of forced tolerance. Really the only reason I speak to her now is for my kids.
I don't go inside her house. I haven't been in since she told me she wished she'd never had me, that she hated me, and that she never wanted to see me again. That was on Christmas morning 2002. My crime? Spending a few hours at my bf's Christmas celebration the night before and was snowing . I was 19 years old. Now it's really fun because that same boyfriend is now my husband. He goes out of town when she comes around.
Funny how this ended up tying back into Christmas visitors.
Dinner at 1pm? Isn't that called LUNCH? Goyem, lol.
Sorry, nothing much to add to the thread otherwise - just can't understand the whole afternoon dinner thing, which us Jewish folks don't do. We also don't do "forced family time," generally speaking, but Christmas might be treated differently from our holidays.
I'm sorry but the tribe has spoken and you just got kicked off the island for that whopper. No one guilt trips you into forced family time more than a Jewish (grand)mother!
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ****ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of *******s this side of the nuthouse."
"Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny ****ing Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of *******s this side of the nuthouse."
Edit: First of all, I don't think a 15 year old and a 12 year old should be in a relationship. I think a three year gap in age during those years is too big for most kids. I would not approve of my high schooler, of either sex, being in a relationship with a middle schooler, of either sex. That kind of got lost in this thread but it's a big deal.
I presume this is not a sexual relationship, however, if it were, it might be statutory rape (36 months older than a child between 12 and 14 is the maximum in my state).
Particularly for a boy in this situation, I would make it very clear that age matters when it comes to consent, and consent matters, not just in my opinion but legally. You could theoretically get up to life in prison for sex (including oral sex) if you are 15 1/2 and your partner is newly 12.
Generally speaking I would strongly encourage my children to understand why the law is the way it is, and to date people in their own school-age cohort at least until 18.
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Originally Posted by zesty2
Why don't you go let them get an apartment together if the kid's feelings are all that matter?
Screw what the kid thinks.
If he can't spend a day away from his girlfriend, she's going to dump him anyway because he's clearly a huge pushover and girls hate that.
This thinking is a little hysterical.
You can take into consideration your child's feelings without thinking that that is "all that matters".
You can also have a relationship in which two teens think the world is ending when they don't get their way, but they get over it. In fact I am pretty sure that happens like every single day, thousands of times, across the world.
Girls hate pushovers, too?
Really, do you take this approach to your entire life?
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Where are all these 18 year old that get to do what they want, when they want. Or maybe I'll put it this way. yes they can choose to do what they want but they should also understand the consequences of their actions.
My house, my rules--fair enough.
However, if someone is an independent adult child, I'm not going to try to take that away from them. In our family you get a job and you pay your way at 18.
You'll always be welcome at home (though obviously criminal activity isn't), and beyond that I aspire to be the sort of person someone wants to spend Christmas with.
The idea that I'd have to force someone, at 19, to come home for food, sounds incredibly sad to me. Other than split-custody (like, step-kids going to their mom's instead of dad's this year), how would that happen?
Exactly. Pouting, sulking, and other manipulative "techniques" are guaranteed to produce negative results with me every time.
My children learned this at an early age. There were no battles at Christmas or at any other time. We "wanted" to be together - and still do.
Their is nothing more disturbing than watching adults contort themselves into pretzels to please a pouty, controlling pre-teen. Children raised like that are never happy or secure.
For the record, my home was always THE hangout spot for teenagers. Many were refugees from parents who were too self involved - which translates into lenient, as far as the kid is concerned.
Children who are free-ranged and catered to - because the parents are just too damn (may I sy "damn" - I guess I'll find out) lazy to ever say "no".
The whole point is that if a 15 year old - a young teenager- can not spend one day away from peers, weather love interests or not - there is something wrong.
Kids do meet life partners in high school. I come from a small town, and I knew parents who actually PUSHED for it, so that their children would attend local colleges and stay in our town or one of the surrounding towns. The parents pushed it, ultimately, out of selfishness.
Of the twelve couples who I knew who married their high school sweethearts, all are divorced but one. Most never finished their educations - whether college or trades school and a many settled for lesser careers - one friend threw away a scholarship to Boston University School of nursing (now defunct) and settled for a local practical nursing program. Her husband gave up a slot at a few well regarded upstate NY ( RPI, Clarkson Institute of Technology, and RPI), instead attending NYIT and obtaining an associate degree in drafting. They are divorced also.
The fastest route to poverty is having a child when very young and single, and not finishing your education.
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. I was 19 years old. Now it's really fun because that same boyfriend is now my husband. He goes out of town when she comes around.
!
Other than split-custody (like, step-kids going to their mom's instead of dad's this year), how would that happen?
