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If you'll notice, I suggested that the aunt "have this conversation with her." These things often are more well-received coming from an aunt or other relative, and there is no guarantee that the parents would have the conversation anyway.
Having a conversation with your niece about this is all well and good....as long as her parents are part of it.
In this situation, the OP has said that she and this teens father are not communicating.....It seems as though this niece imo is being used as a pawn by the OP because she dislikes her BIL, ....the niece's only participating parent.
I see the phone calls and presents and attempts to insert herself into the niece's life as more triangulation them "helpful, concerned" caring about the niece.
No one with a child's/teens well being in mind would keep such a secret from this girl's parent.
OP....You say that your side of the family has long been concerned, don't like the father etc.....Have you told your other siblings the secret about this 20 year old (dating?) and your niece?
Are you asking if 16 year olds are minors? The answer is yes, in the US and most of the developed world.
this is the sequence i was quoting from:
Quote:
Originally Posted by vision33r
When I was 25, I was dating 16-17 yr old girls. Because girls 18-21 are dating guys that are 30+ Now I noticed some 27 yr old ladies dating guys in their mid 40s and 16-17 yr old are dating guys that are 20-27 yr olds.
followed by a few posts about how high school aged children are grossed out by anyone above 25.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stanley-88888888
^ i can see the allure of minors wanting to date someone older because they can brag about how they are so intellectual and no one in their grade level can understand them ...
but what vision33r was insinuating sounds false. that most minors (particularly girls) date men more than a decade older (i would say 1 - 2 % tops are that lucky) ?
Quote:
Originally Posted by l1995
18-21 year olds aren't minors
and then my rhetorical question about 16 year olds.
Nah. Twenty-five year old men who date high school girls are either extremely immature themselves, or like an imbalance of power in their romantic relationships. Women their age own can sniff that out a mile away.
Yeah, I knew a 25 year old guy who started dating a 16 year old girl. They were together for several years and she was the boss of that relationship.
I think 16 and 20 can be ok in some instances, but obviously it's not my daughter so I can't see it from a parent's perspective.
Many 16 year old girls today are as physically matured as many 20-25 year olds. They might not be mentally matured but that's a different story, it is quite common for many cultures to have a male 30+ marry a 16 yr old. My problem was most women my age are looking for wealthy older men or delaying their marriage because of career or college. Which makes HS girls easier to meet because some are not in college yet or delaying going and working at jobs instead.
My niece who is only a sophomore in high school and is only 16 is dating a guy who is 20. She told me this in confidence after she called me crying. They've been dating for a few months she told me. I think it's wrong. Her parents, my brother, and sister-in-law don't know. I was wondering if you all as parents would want to know if your child was dating someone that old? And if it's normal for someone her age to be dating someone that old? She only just turned 16.
No it's not normal. 26 and 30 is fine, but not 16 and 20. A high schooler and college aged person have nothing in common. She's a minor yet, and it may even be against the law.
She came to you in confidence, but inherently she did so looking for feedback. That feedback is that she should break it off, and that she's not ready for a serious relationship yet.
Basically, it boils down to this. Not every guy that dated someone so young is a loser, but a lot of losers try to get someone young before they know better because they can't date in their own age. And being just a loser is only half of it. A gal a few years younger had a baby and got married at 16 to a guy that was 22. He to was secretive about the whole thing until the mom got word that she was missing first period a lot and followed her. With baby on the way they consented to a marriage. They had a beautiful daughter. Dude was weird, but everyone thought harmless.
Guess what happened when daughter turned 15?
Don't let that possibly play on your conscious. Try to talk her out of it on your own. Do tell the parents as these types can be difficult to get rid of. She'll hate you now, but she'll understand later.
My niece who is only a sophomore in high school and is only 16 is dating a guy who is 20. She told me this in confidence after she called me crying. They've been dating for a few months she told me. I think it's wrong. Her parents, my brother, and sister-in-law don't know. I was wondering if you all as parents would want to know if your child was dating someone that old? And if it's normal for someone her age to be dating someone that old? She only just turned 16.
If you think 20 is old, are parents aware how OLD they are?
I can just imagine a parent thinking 20 is old and, at the same time, thinking their own 42 is young.
As a family member it is your obligation to protect your 16 niece from possible harm. Dating a 20 yr old definitely qualifies as a threat to your niece.
TELL HER PARENTS WHAT SHE IS DOING AND LET THEM DEAL WITH IT!!
With just the info given, how is that exactly a threat?
That falls under the "What could a black guy possibly be doing in a white neighborhood? Call the cops."
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