Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We host exchange students and I'm also an active volunteer in the organization, so I have had a lot of contact with a lot of students, as well as parents and volunteers, from a lot of countries. The Japanese teens are independent in some ways but very dependent in others. The girls, in particular, do not make many of their own decisions, so they are a bit mind-boggled when they come here and can choose what classes they want to take, what extracurricular activities to try, what to do on a Saturday afternoon. They are also not used to talking about their feelings, so they do a lot of smiling and nodding even when they are miserable. They can be tough nuts to crack! I loved my Japanese "daughter" to pieces, but it was so hard to drag any type of opinion out of her until she had been here a good six months.
I have observed this type of behavior in some anime. Of course, anime is often a fictional representation of Japanese culture.
somebodynew
I am not sure what you are suggesting? If you were able to hit her, somehow she would be more responsible and remember her stuff? That makes no sense.
I've watched her do this throughout her life, her mother or father, tells her to go do something, and she goes and gets distracted, instead of doing it...so they have to remind her again, and again...and allowed her to get away with this....
I'm actually saying, I don't believe she is responsible enough to drive...honestly and I'm glad she is not...she's 16 in lots of ways, but in other ways, she is not....but then I think maybe, she is that way, b/c they allow her to be? What do you think?
I think she'll be a fine adult....and of course, she isn't perfect, but I do worry some about her. My son says, she's acting like any other teenager her age? And I ponder, b/c she is not responsible....but surely very independent. LOL
I've watched her do this throughout her life, her mother or father, tells her to go do something, and she goes and gets distracted, instead of doing it...so they have to remind her again, and again...and allowed her to get away with this....
I would not agree that they "have to" remind her. But that is another topic....
Quote:
I'm actually saying, I don't believe she is responsible enough to drive...honestly and I'm glad she is not...she's 16 in lots of ways, but in other ways, she is not....but then I think maybe, she is that way, b/c they allow her to be? What do you think?
I think she'll be a fine adult....and of course, she isn't perfect, but I do worry some about her. My son says, she's acting like any other teenager her age? And I ponder, b/c she is not responsible....but surely very independent. LOL
In fact, you have lost me as to how this reply has anything to do with the topic at hand? This kid is not responsible enough to drive because she forgets her stuff?
Not to be mean, but the Japanese have the smallest families in the world. We don't really want to emulate their child rearing if it results in that. I would look at how Japanese raise children successfully if I only had one kid.
That's the Chinese who have only one child. The Japanese teens I know all have one or two siblings. I'm sure there are some only children as well, but that's not the general rule.
I have observed this type of behavior in some anime. Of course, anime is often a fictional representation of Japanese culture.
If the anime is written and illustrated by Japanese authors/illustrators/animators, then it would stand to reason that that aspect of their culture would come through.
I love Japan. Spent many months there (iwakuni). The culture is much more refined and I prefer it over the rudeness of so many in US public. This article seems more about culture than parenting.
I've watched her do this throughout her life, her mother or father, tells her to go do something, and she goes and gets distracted, instead of doing it...so they have to remind her again, and again...and allowed her to get away with this....
I'm actually saying, I don't believe she is responsible enough to drive...honestly and I'm glad she is not...she's 16 in lots of ways, but in other ways, she is not....but then I think maybe, she is that way, b/c they allow her to be? What do you think?
I think she'll be a fine adult....and of course, she isn't perfect, but I do worry some about her. My son says, she's acting like any other teenager her age? And I ponder, b/c she is not responsible....but surely very independent. LOL
Not, not hit her at all, not in the least....what I'm saying is, she has learned to manipulate and post pone anything they ask her to do...by ignoring it, and getting distracted by doing something else....so she doesn't have to pitch in and help.
They were home, (and I've seen her mother do this so much) and we went to the building supply place to get stuff to make something.
We get home, I start preparing the site, for the work we had to do...she disappears, I go in the house, she's sitting at the kitchen counter playing on her phone, (instead of staying outside and pitching in) and says while she is texting, "do you need any help". which she thinks I'll say "no", and I said, "yes, indeed, get your butt out there!"
As I said, her mother did this all the time, she pretends she is there to help, and then disappears...and won't help, and my son was always left with the work.
In other words, she was far from being a Japanese mother, this is how she learned to get out of doing anything, and that particular manipulative part was passed down to her daughter.
When I mentioned it to my son, his answer was, "oh, she's like any normal teenager today, and I work with kids, they're mostly all like that".
I love Japan. Spent many months there (iwakuni). The culture is much more refined and I prefer it over the rudeness of so many in US public. This article seems more about culture than parenting.
Yes, there is always a trade off no matter where you live, but I to would prefer that culture. I think we could learn from them as far as parenting, and turning out a quality human into society, regarding intellectual skills.
somebodynew I would not agree that they "have to" remind her. But that is another topic....
no, I don't believe so, it falls in under the topic of raising your children, more like the Japanese culture does....and I'm pointing out the flaws in the way we raise our kids....we're too easy on them, we don't teach them from little on up, that they need to focus and when asked to do something, they go do it....like teaching them, if the parents come in from shopping, the kid pitches in and helps bring in the groceries and puts them away. We need to teach kids that all chores are a family effort, so that everyone pitches in, gets the work done and then is able to have their quality time...
Quote:
In fact, you have lost me as to how this reply has anything to do with the topic at hand? This kid is not responsible enough to drive because she forgets her stuff?
Yes, her focus and responsibility skills aren't there...attention to detail, attention to learning...I personally do not think she is responsible enough to drive.
If you allow kids to do jobs around the house, instead of you doing everything for them, they grow up more responsible.
If you let them get a job where they can earn some money, they will learn a great deal of things...
1. Different rules in different homes
2. how to manage money
3. how to socialize with others
4. get them on a routine of getting up early for work
The Japanese have it right regarding teaching their kids responsibilities early...
1. "Don't talk about your kids." Of course, not. It's rude to talk about other people when they are not present. The idea in the article is not to boast about your child. That is also rude because you are bringing competition into a private conversation with friends or even strangers.
2. "Practice extreme attachment parenting." We have a bunk bed in my daughter's room for those times she wants somebody close by. And we absolutely hug and kiss. Life is way too short to not hug and kiss that sweet little face.
3. "Keep the lid on their self expression." Because we raise our daughter in the US, we teach her that she cannot control public behavior, to always be aware of her surroundings and to learn from them in order to fit in. She has been to Europe, especially northern Europe, where the public is generally quiet and she adapted just fine after reminding her about our general rule.
4. "Lift your packed lunch game." Nope. The teacher can stuff it. At our home, as long as the cook puts out a healthy meal, we sit, eat and be thankful. We don't judge.
5. "Don't fret about what's appropriate kid entertainment." I agree somewhat. It has more to do with my outlook. We cannot control what the public offers us so you need to be prepared to keep it cool or find out enough to avoid.
6. "Take flowers seriously." Never. Share their purpose on this earth? Absolutely.
7. "Take fairytales even more seriously." Eh. Other genres can be more instructive as children grow older.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
