Breastfeeding Older Children (ideas, legal, milk, baby)
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I'm not offended of what people think I do as a parent. I learned that following my heart and my gut is the best path for me and I'm comfortable and confident in that. I will discuss the issues here since this is a message board and try to dispel myths in hopes that people may come away with a better understanding of something that is greatly misunderstood but I'm not offended nor do I take the comments personally.
One of the most surprising things to me that came from the Time magazine article is that people feel like they are being judged by AP parents. AP parents are in the minority and are often ridiculed for the things they do. I was surprised that people felt like they were being judged for not doing AP. I don't care how anyone else parents their child, short of abuse. If they are doing what they feel is best for their children and family and are loving parents then they certainly have my respect.
I think it really depends on the parent. I have met some AP parents who are very open-minded in a "we all do what is best for our own families, live and let live" kind of way, and I have met some AP parents who are very condescending, "if you don't 'do' AP then you are not a good parent." There was an attachment theory research lab at my grad school that we referred to as the "Attachment Mafia" because they acted as if the theory explained every phenomenon under the sun; that attitude I find distasteful. Conversely, I find people judging AP parents distasteful, as well.
I think in reality, as many people have expressed on this thread, we all do some trial and error to some extent, taking pieces from our own experience, our instincts, and from different theories and cobbling them together to form a more eclectic approach to parenting. I don't consider myself an "attachment parent," but there are definitely things I do with my kids that could be considered part of AP. At the end of the day, I truly believe that we all seek what is going to be most effective for our own specific situation, regardless of what umbrella term may fit the strategies, if that makes sense. And, IMO, we are all mom enough.
that it disgusts me when I see something like that...however, that doesn't say I'm right...it's strickly my opinion...
I know you are trying to be appeasing. Let's all just get along. I am not sure what kind of pass saying "it's just my opinion" gets you. Most people actually evaluate their opinions with reason and change them when they are wrong. But whatever, you cling to whatever opinions you want. But
When you say the above, you are using the word DISGUST. Synonyms for disgust are:
I think it is normal to feel judged when someone else does something totally different than you. It is easy to assume that they think their way is best, I am not doing it that way, therefore my way is not as good. I think this is especially true for parenting decisions. There is pressure to breastfeed even for 6-12 months. When you don't even make it that long, and you come across a group of people who do it for 4 years, and a headline asking if you are "mom enough" it is implied that no, you are not.
I would assume that a parent who does things different then myself is doing what they feel is best... for their kids and family, just as I am doing what I feel is best... for my kids and family.
There is pressure to breastfeed. There is also pressure on breastfeeding mothers. Some of the messages I got were, "Don't do it in front of me, I don't want to see it" and, "You're still breastfeeding?" (this began before my first dd was even a year old. I guess I'm stubborn though because these types of comments/judgements just made my resolve stronger to follow my heart and gut and do what I felt was right for me despite the haters. No matter what choices we make as parents there will always be judgement. The best thing we can do is do what works for us, be confident in our choices, ignore the haters and try to understand that everyone has their own path and resist temptation to judge others.
The Time article headline is obnoxious. They were deliberately playing on mothers' insecurities, pitting mother against mother with the goal of stirring up controversy in order to make lots of money. They succeeded and the mommy wars continue. I doubt I'll ever have a chance to read the article because I refuse to buy the magazine.
I'm from the old school...heck, I'm soon to be 63 years old. You young ladies, have to do what is best for you. I've noted that because I disagree with extended breast feeding, and have voiced my opinion, some of you have taken it very personal....I'll say this again...that it disgusts me when I see something like that...however, that doesn't say I'm right...it's strickly my opinion...so we agree to disagree....but that doesn't mean I don't like or I hate the mother who is doing so...(not true) I just disagree with it...
You have to do, what your inner self tells you to do...and move on, be it, people disagree or not...it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks...
I believe as you grow older your priorites change, and we hold on to our own personal cultures, and become set in our ways...to some degree, through life's challenges and all the experiences...it makes us who we are...time is running short for me, and I no longer care who likes me and who doesn't...seriously...I've never been a follower...so, regardless of my feelings on the subject, please do what your heart tells you to do...and don't worry about what others think...you have to live your life to the fullest. What makes you happy, doesn't make others happy...
Sorry, but I have heard this excuse one too many times. The "I'm just older and set in my ways", or "That's the way it was always done", or "That's the way it was done when I was a child". Sorry, but there are ways to educate oneself. If one has done so and still retains those opinions, then so be it, but own it, and don't try to appease by stating that you don't mean to be disparaging when you clearly are. You have no idea how old other posters are on this forum, so the age card just doesn't fly.
I would assume that a parent who does things different then myself is doing what they feel is best... for their kids and family, just as I am doing what I feel is best... for my kids and family.
There is pressure to breastfeed. There is also pressure on breastfeeding mothers. Some of the messages I got were, "Don't do it in front of me, I don't want to see it" and, "You're still breastfeeding?" (this began before my first dd was even a year old. I guess I'm stubborn though because these types of comments/judgements just made my resolve stronger to follow my heart and gut and do what I felt was right for me despite the haters. No matter what choices we make as parents there will always be judgement. The best thing we can do is do what works for us, be confident in our choices, ignore the haters and try to understand that everyone has their own path and resist temptation to judge others.
The Time article headline is obnoxious. They were deliberately playing on mothers' insecurities, pitting mother against mother with the goal of stirring up controversy in order to make lots of money. They succeeded and the mommy wars continue. I doubt I'll ever have a chance to read the article because I refuse to buy the magazine.
It is good to know that some people feel that way. I wonder how much perceived judgement is real and how much is just our perception.
ETA, I don't think this is what you mean, but one could read what you wrote in a condescending tone. You could think that the other mom is doing what she feels (or thinks) is best, but still think (or feel) that it is lesser than what you are doing. I hope that makes sense.
Last edited by Kibbiekat; 05-16-2012 at 07:36 AM..
I would assume that a parent who does things different then myself is doing what they feel is best... for their kids and family, just as I am doing what I feel is best... for my kids and family.
I know this is not to the point you are making. But I wish more people would do what they THINK is best. The stupid things we do are not challenged by our feelings. Our feelings come from a place that is other than reason. A lot of times they come from the stupid feelings of someone else. Like breastfeeding being disgusting. That comes from feelings. Not thinking.
Quote:
There is pressure to breastfeed. There is also pressure on breastfeeding mothers. Some of the messages I got were, "Don't do it in front of me, I don't want to see it"
In my mothers home, I got you are breastfeeding in PUBLIC?!? From my own brother. You could tell from his face he was appalled.
Quote:
and, "You're still breastfeeding?" (this began before my first dd was even a year old. I guess I'm stubborn though because these types of comments/judgements just made my resolve stronger to follow my heart and gut and do what I felt was right for me despite the haters. No matter what choices we make as parents there will always be judgement. The best thing we can do is do what works for us, be confident in our choices, ignore the haters and try to understand that everyone has their own path and resist temptation to judge others.
It depends what it means to judge. I think you are a horrible person for not liking breastfeeding? No. I think your finding breastfeeding to be unnatural and disgusting to be baseless. Yah.
Sorry, but I have heard this excuse one too many times. The "I'm just older and set in my ways", or "That's the way it was always done", or "That's the way it was done when I was a child". Sorry, but there are ways to educate oneself. If one has done so and still retains those opinions, then so be it, but own it, and don't try to appease by stating that you don't mean to be disparaging when you clearly are. You have no idea how old other posters are on this forum, so the age card just doesn't fly.
I know you are trying to be appeasing. Let's all just get along. I am not sure what kind of pass saying "it's just my opinion" gets you. Most people actually evaluate their opinions with reason and change them when they are wrong. But whatever, you cling to whatever opinions you want. But
When you say the above, you are using the word DISGUST. Synonyms for disgust are:
That is a really strong word to use in your golly gee willekers it's just my opinion. Shucks. And I can see why people would take umbrage.
It does disgust me...and I'm not being appeasing, I'm being honest...
liver disgusts me..., and I know the meaning of disgust....and yes, that is the way I feel...
I don't need to get along with any of you here, I don't care what you think of me, or my opinions...however, I do know that I can be quit frank in my opinion, and I remember how I felt when I was young and someone didn't agree with me, so I wanted to let others know here on this thread, it's totally up to you, but that still doesn't change "my" feelings, I can't help it, it disgusts me...nothing against you or anyone else here...so, why keep it up and why do I have to keep explaining myself? Lets just move on, ok? And yes, it is a really strong word, but that is the way I feel about it...it literally makes me want to vomit...however, your kids are not mine, and I'm not telling you what to do or what is wrong or right...it's simply the way I feel...nothing against any of you....honestly...
It does disgust me...and I'm not being appeasing, I'm being honest...
liver disgusts me..., and I know the meaning of disgust....and yes, that is the way I feel...
I don't need to get along with any of you here, I don't care what you think of me, or my opinions...however, I do know that I can be quit frank in my opinion, and I remember how I felt when I was young and someone didn't agree with me, so I wanted to let others know here on this thread, it's totally up to you, but that still doesn't change "my" feelings, I can't help it, it disgusts me...nothing against you or anyone else here...so, why keep it up and why do I have to keep explaining myself? Lets just move on, ok?
Why let it bother you? I mean how often are you faced with a mom nursing a toddler, in a situation where you are forced to sit and watch? Just keep walking. I've seen all kinds of things I don't want to look at for an extended period of time, so I don't.
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(this began before my first dd was even a year old. 
I guess I'm stubborn though because these types of comments/judgements just made my resolve stronger to follow my heart and gut and do what I felt was right for me despite the haters. No matter what choices we make as parents there will always be judgement. The best thing we can do is do what works for us, be confident in our choices, ignore the haters and try to understand that everyone has their own path and resist temptation to judge others. 