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Why does my spouse keep telling everyone that my stepson moved to the Florida to go to college, when he told me flat out that he just didn't like where we lived in the midwest and wanted to live in Florida. Also said flat out that only reason he was gonna start college was because his family was pressuring him to do so, not because he really had any desire for it.
But if I bring that up to my spouse, they get all bent out of shape about it and say "That's not true", so I've learned to just suck it up and let them live in their fantasy world and believe their own lie.
The boy has since passed away from a car accident and never had the chance to go. He was 20. Thats another reason I don't really say anything anymore, but I do so hate when they tell people "Oh he went to the Florida to go to College" when I so know that isn't true at all. Guess it isn't important, but I get sick of hearing it.
Do they really believe it? Or is it more admirable than saying "he just sat around doing nothing all day mooching off his relatives". I know the kid used to just tell people what they wanted to hear to get things he wanted or get his way. My spouse knows that too, but in this instance isn't feeling thats the case. I suppose he may have lied to me, too, but as he had nothing to gain from it, I doubt it. Lying to his relatives, however, kept him in Florida and gets him free lodging and food. Where at our house we made him get a job and earn his keep.
Last edited by Jackyfrost01; 05-21-2009 at 05:39 AM..
Why does my spouse keep telling everyone that my stepson moved to the Florida to go to college, when he told me flat out that he just didn't like where we lived in the midwest and wanted to live in Florida. Also said flat out that only reason he was gonna start college was because his family was pressuring him to do so, not because he really had any desire for it.
But if I bring that up to my spouse, they get all bent out of shape about it and say "That's not true", so I've learned to just suck it up and let them live in their fantasy world and believe their own lie.
The boy has since passed away from a car accident and never had the chance to go. He was 20. Thats another reason I don't really say anything anymore, but I do so hate when they tell people "Oh he went to the Florida to go to College" when I so know that isn't true at all. Guess it isn't important, but I get sick of hearing it.
Do they really believe it? Or is it more admirable than saying "he just sat around doing nothing all day mooching off his relatives". I know the kid used to just tell people what they wanted to hear to get things he wanted or get his way. My spouse knows that too, but in this instance isn't feeling thats the case. I suppose he may have lied to me, too, but as he had nothing to gain from it, I doubt it. Lying to his relatives, however, kept him in Florida and gets him free lodging and food. Where at our house we made him get a job and earn his keep.
Maybe because "others" don't need to know the kids whole history.
No reason to speak ill of the dead.
Very sorry to hear your story, sometimes there's no happy ending. I think you're onto to something about the lie regarding college in FL. Even if someone who often lies has nothing to gain, they'll do it anyway. It's how they function, it's what they know.
I think telling everyone he went away to FL to attend school is making it sound sort of like a romantic adventure, like he's a go-getter and out there to make a name for himself, grabbing life by the horns when indeed it was just the opposite. Some people will actually convince themselves the lie is true to avoid reality and the frustrations/heartaches attatched. This is especially true now that he's gone, now your spouse can think he was finally doing the right thing and be comforted a little by that. Just my take.
You're doing the right, albeit difficult, thing by letting this subject fade away. Again, sorry.
Exactly what Granny Sue said. No need to go into a whole history of a person's mistakes or whatever when it's no one's business. It's a short answer. And it sounds like it is basically true - regardless of his reasons, that is what he did. The bigger question to me is why this subject bothers you so much. It is obviously a horrible and painful topic for your spouse and yet all you can see is wanting to "correct" her memories?
Very sorry to hear your story, sometimes there's no happy ending. I think you're onto to something about the lie regarding college in FL. Even if someone who often lies has nothing to gain, they'll do it anyway. It's how they function, it's what they know.
I think telling everyone he went away to FL to attend school is making it sound sort of like a romantic adventure, like he's a go-getter and out there to make a name for himself, grabbing life by the horns when indeed it was just the opposite. Some people will actually convince themselves the lie is true to avoid reality and the frustrations/heartaches attatched. This is especially true now that he's gone, now your spouse can think he was finally doing the right thing and be comforted a little by that. Just my take.
You're doing the right, albeit difficult, thing by letting this subject fade away. Again, sorry.
Thank you. That's a pretty accurate take on it. We'll never know what he may have accomplished. One therapist once told them that surviving friends and relatives will often diefy the dead person, making them greater than life than they really were.
I mean every single topic we talk about, this lazy video game player always seemed to have a hand in it, like he was Indiana Jones, he did EVERYthing. Not trying to talk bad, just being real. This kid did nothing and wouldn't do anything without a someone making him do it (like getting a job or even picking up clothes off the floor).
Anyways it hard on all of us. I'd just like to be able to get a single conversation without the kid somehow coming up in it. He was just some lazy, bad attutude kid that sat around. You may be right, perhaps my spouse is making an assumption that he was making things better for himself and has created this whole scenerio in their minds about where he may have been going in his life. Plus that does sound better to tell people than the truth. Garners more sympathy and interest in your plight.
Exactly what Granny Sue said. No need to go into a whole history of a person's mistakes or whatever when it's no one's business. It's a short answer. And it sounds like it is basically true - regardless of his reasons, that is what he did. The bigger question to me is why this subject bothers you so much. It is obviously a horrible and painful topic for your spouse and yet all you can see is wanting to "correct" her memories?
nope, as i said, they aren't telling the truth. Thats what bothers me.
He only wanted to get away from home, and go live on his own and be in Florida with his relatives and still live as he always had with us, minus our house rules and making him get a job.
He wanted a free ride, okay? He didn't care about college. Thats work.
He wanted to sit around all day and play video games and eat free food. Thats what he wanted.
He told me he was only going to do the college thing to shut his relatives up about it and because they told him if he wanted to continue living there that he needed to get a job and start school, otherwise he'd give no thought to it. I see nothing to gain for him in lying to me about that and he probably knew his family wouldn't beleive me if I told them.
So in essense, what my spouse is saying is not totally true. That may have been THEIR intention of his leaving home, but it wasn't HIS. He just didn't wanna work and he got a suprise when he found out there were rules there too.
Why does my spouse keep telling everyone that my stepson moved to the Florida to go to college, when he told me flat out that he just didn't like where we lived in the midwest and wanted to live in Florida. Also said flat out that only reason he was gonna start college was because his family was pressuring him to do so, not because he really had any desire for it.
You say right here that he was going to start college! Maybe not because he had a great desire to do it or whatever but the plan was for him to go. He agreed to it -even if he was coerced, that was the plan. He left to go to college. So what she is saying was truthful. I find this a pretty interesting perspective from someone who, on other posts, goes on about how to deceive one's parents in order to be rebellious.....?
You keep saying that he told YOU this and YOU that. No where have you stated that he told THEM that.
Maybe that's the truth as they know it. What do you have to gain from telling them different?
What will it change?
What good will it do?
Anything?
Let it be.
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They aren't telling people what they want them to hear, they firmly have convinced themself that he went there to go to college, which isn't true.
