What age is it ok to spank your child? First time parent.. (out of control, babies)

[SuzyQ123]

I have an almost 2 yr old and I have just started smacking her had 1 time as I tell her No-No when she is getting in to something(toliet, electric sockets). It doesn't leave a mark on her or anything. She doesn't get smacked everyday, maybe once or twice a week.

I also have an 11 yr old and I think she was about 3 when I stopped smacking her hands. At that age I stared putting her in a time out or taking something(favorite toy) away from her. I have never went past a smack on the had though. That's just not who I am.

I never was spanked as a child. My older brother was only spanked 1 time for sneaking (because he knew he shouldn't) in the garage and playing with a can of gasoline.

[Stangdrivin]

Originally Posted by eighty1

9 months old?

You know,I can't help but think of my first and only child who was born stillborn,dead.

9 months old. wow,what I wouldn't give to have my daughter,and how beautiful she was.
When I do get to have my next baby,I will be sure to learn all of the great things I can do to prevent myself from ever hitting them.
To see this question regarding a 9 month old baby makes me want to vomit. And I couldn't care less the flak and yakking that will come from others about saying that.

To the op,there's a website called "A Place Of Our Own".
I think this would be the best place for you to ask a question on ideas to properly raise your baby.

I thank you for your response and am sorry for your personal loss. As I have said over and hopefully made myself clear about my question that started this forum, I DO NOT SPANK my 9 month old child but I think a light tap to get their attention from wrongdoing is nothing wrong. There is a HUGE difference in what you see on the news about other people and from what I do. As to your opinion about raising my child properly, I am proud everyday as to how well I care for my son. He knows that his father loves him and as a single parent I am damn PROUD of myself in how I have raised him.

[ADVentive]

We do not spank in our house because I don't believe in it. Not that I don't believe that it can be effective, just that I don't believe it's the right way to behave. I think there are always alternatives.

If you do choose to spank however, I think that 9 months old is WAY too young. That poor baby does not understand what is going on. It's important for a baby that age to learn to trust, not to fear. I think the earliest would be about age 3, when the child probably knows right and wrong and is making a conscious decision about which to do.

[jbar]

OMG...I think you could copy and paste these spanking debates over and over and no one would notice. Doesn't the redundancy ever get old? Nobody's changing anybody's mind either way, so if you don't believe in spanking at all....why even post in reply to the OP's age question?

OP.....there is nothing wrong with an occasional swat on the backside or hand as he gets older and is doing something he has been warned not to do (maybe warned a couple of times) or is doing something that can get him hurt. It shouldn't be a regular occurrance or it will not be effective...only in more serious moments of misbehavior when nothing else seems to be getting his attention...and of course, it should never be applied in anger.

For a 9-month-old though, I would think that he's a bit too young to understand why you are spanking and what it all means. I would probably say the scolding tone is going to be more effective at that age. As he gets a little older...18 mos + at a minimum...and he is more able to correlate your instructions and his actions with penalties, an occasional swat on the tush could be an option when absolutely needed.

And, BTW...the anti folks on here LOVE the word "hit"...they have nothing else to offer. In reality, a light spanking in protection or for the betterment of your child is no more "hitting" than a shot against disease is "stabbing".

[Marissy]

I think spanking is okay around 1 1/2 to 2. They are able to know the difference between right and wrong by then.

[BurtsBees]

Originally Posted by Mercury Cougar

Nice personal attack there, cupcake. It's not my business how others discipline their children unless they're injuring the child, so cool your accusatory jets and take a chill pill. However, the OP asked the question, and I answered it. He should have worded it differently though, in order to be clear about what he meant.

You're the type of parent that a child grows up to resent, and who will leave you to rot in a dingy nursing home when you start needing your diaper changed and drool wiped off your chin.

Good luck with that, let us know how it goes for you.

Hardly. I got my butt spanked when I screwed up and knew that my actions had consequences beyond "Son, please dont." Without the fear of punishment, what reasons did I have to stop misbehaving? Obviously there is more to it then that, but you get the gist of it. Im glad that my parent's spanked my toosh when I needed it, and definitely won't be like you to let them rot in some nursing home.

[BurtsBees]

Originally Posted by samstersmom

When I was growing up in the 70's, most parents spanked their kids. I don't know what has happened recently that parents can't spank their kids (I don't mean beating their kid). It seems that there are a bunch of entitled and bratty kids/teenagers nowadays.

Bingo. Parents can't discipline their kids = the teenagers and future adults we have today. There is a high lack of respect and acceptance of responsibility for one's actions today and the parenting is a huge cause of that.

[Hopes]

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

I thank you for your response and am sorry for your personal loss. As I have said over and hopefully made myself clear about my question that started this forum, I DO NOT SPANK my 9 month old child but I think a light tap to get their attention from wrongdoing is nothing wrong.

Here's the deal. At 9 months, there's no reason to even lightly 'tap' your baby if you baby proof your house and supervisor your baby.

At 9 months, they shouldn't even be getting anywhere dangerous enough to warrant a spank, smack, or even a 'tap.'

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

As to your opinion about raising my child properly, I am proud everyday as to how well I care for my son. He knows that his father loves him and as a single parent I am damn PROUD of myself in how I have raised him.

Why did you post this thread? You title it 'first time parent' like you're looking for advice, but you've been defending yourself throughout the entire thread.

That tells me that you already have all the answers, and you're not really looking for people's opinions. This isn't the debate forum. It's the parenting forum.

[suzie02]

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

My son is wonderful, very happy child, sees me and always greets me with a smile no matter what but lately it seems like he's trying to start his own personality and I don't want it going in the wrong direction.

The "wrong direction" sounds like you believe there is only one way to parent and it only works if you start in the infant stage. Wait till you have a second child, and everything that worked for the first doesn't work at all.

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

If I leave the room instead of him crying it sounds like he's just plain yelling until I come back in which it stops. I take him out and sit him with me while I get dressed in the morning and he's calm.

It is called separation anxiety and it is completely normal. Your baby is learning that he is a separate being from you. That scares him. Also some kids are more clingy that others. My dd as a toddler used to scream murder whenever I closed the bathroom door.

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

I try to get him dressed and now it seems like he fights me on that also so I dont know if this is the beginning of things to come or if I stand firm will he understand?

And as far as I know most babies squirm when they are being dressed. I would worry if he was too passive. You are stressing way too much just wait till the terrible twos hit.

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

I think he does because when I tell him "NO" he will notice it and start crying...

No he doesn't know, he just gets scared of your tone of voice.

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

I just remember as a child me being spanked lightly (old school) as a reminder or as a startle to notice that I'm doing wrong, but at what age is that ok?

If you remember the spankings then you were at least 3 yo.

Originally Posted by Stangdrivin

I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.

You sound like you want to control everything about you son. Let me just tell you that if you were successful at totally controlling him you would have failed as a parent. Different children have different needs and parents need to adapt. And no this does not mean you have to be a permissive parents.

[aidxen]

Well I am in the minority and I believe that spanking / corporal punishment is a good thing and I have written mor of my thoughts in my blog (to save subjecting those not interested in it from having it shoved in their faces)
http://www.city-data.com/blogs/536201-aidxen.html

I agree with the person who said that some kids respond to smacks and others don't. Parents need to be open minded about how they approach discipline and punishment.

In my view, unfortunately, the anti spankers take an extreme view that any physical punishment is abuse. They end up putting everything in one bucket from a light smack, a few hard smacks, through a painful stroke from a cane or belt and through to a total beating punching kicking and so on.

I believe that there is no minimum age nor maximum age. But I believe that you have to take the persons age into account. For a little baby or toddler a small smack on the back side or hand is all that is going to be required. For a teen more and harder smacks are what is needed in my view.

The OP mentioned...

I don't want him growing up as that child that no one wants to babysit or be around because he's now all of a sudden cranky all the time.

I sympathise with this desire. Our kids are nice kids. Obviously as their parent, I am biased but they get babysat, they get invited to other peoples houses and they get asked back. Our 13 y.o. has been invited to accompany a friend to travel by air to another city this christmas. They even offerred to pay for the air ticket. Our kids have been punished using smacking.

On the other hand we have some friends who have two kids. One 13 and one 8 or 9. Both kids are in trouble constantly at school. On one occasion (at least) the mother phoned us in tears because she had to work and no one would babysit her kids or have them stay over. We said sure send em over. The amazing thing is that when they are at our place they always behave. Maybe there is just the expectation of good behaviour at our house.

I believe that parents should expect good behaviour and respect from their kids but at the same time the parents must put time in with their kids. From reading to them and with them to kicking a football. If you don't put in the time then no amount of discipline whether it be corporal punishment or other will make any difference.

I hope your kids do end up as nice kids.