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there is a lot of area in between being involved and attending conferences, and going to college to do your kids laundry.
Totally agree with you on this one.
I've been reading about helicopter parents for years, and the following example of "overinvolvement" came as quite a shock to me. Read on:
"In some human resources circles, these over-involved moms and dads are known as helicopter parents. They've hovered around their children (the Millennial generation) their whole lives, over-scheduling their childhood and pushing them throughout college. With graduation comes the next step: the job search. Now, more than ever, career counselors and recruiters say parents attend job fairs, accompany their adult children to job interviews and even make their interview appointments."
I think helicopter moms are one thing, some of the examples given are good ones. I don't think you're a helicopter mom if you walk your 11yr old to the bus stop. Are you over-protective, yes, if its a safe neighborhood, are you preventing your child from learning independence, yes, I think so. But, helicopter parents are the extreme end of over-protective imo.
I have never inserted myself into my kids lives and left them to deal with people, teachers, administrators, councilors, etc. I was involved when they were young but once they were out of elementary school I don't remember ever even talking to anyone from their school or even their friends parents, except on social occasions. Some considered me too "hands off" because I never went to open houses or back to school nights at the high school! On the other hand....
I was the one to go online and apply my daughter to college. She was smack in the middle of her flakiest stage ever, and hanging out with slackers, etc. when the time came and she was not even considering college or willing to discuss it (I believe she was thinking she would run off and marry her then-bf or something). It was just a matter of filling out the common application and routing it to various campuses of our state school system and she didn't even know I was doing it. Truth be told I felt she needed to move away. The following year, when the acceptance letters came, she had outgrown that phase, dumped the bf, and was receptive to college and glad to have the opportunity, and some options! She went to visit the three she was accepted to and picked the one she liked the best, then moved there a week after graduation and has been on her own ever since. She graduates in May.
My son is still living at home and has some issues around driving. I've been driving him to work and school and now to the community college and will continue to do so until he can safely drive himself. Believe me, this is HIS choice, not mine, and he has no problem with it. I think if it was up to him he would probably never drive and just let me and his friends take him places.
Helicopter? I don't know. I just know my kids and didn't want them missing the boat because of some temporary immaturity or rebellion on their part.
I don't consider myself a "helicopter mom" but some of you probably would. My DD is 11.
Yes, I take her to the bus stop every morning. Granted, I sit in my car while she's on the bus stop, but I wait until she's safely on the bus before I leave.
I check her homework every night to make sure it's done fully and correctly. I check her tests and make her re-do the ones she got wrong.
I communicate with her teachers on a regular basis -- no, not to ask them to change her grade or anything else, but to see if there's anything I can do to help her more with subjects she's having difficulty in.
If she's going to stay late at school for extra help or activities, I tell her to call me from school letting me know she's staying (even if she's told me before school that she'll be staying)
If I'm stuck at work and she doesn't see me waiting when she gets off the bus, she knows to call me.
I will be with her while trick-or-treating today.
I don't let her wander the neighborhood on her own.
When she goes to friends' homes, I drop her off, meet the family, pick her up.
I "check" her room and her computer on a regular basis.
On the other hand......
She gets herself up, washed, dressed in the mornings.
Does her chores without being asked.
Is polite/respectful of her others.
Helps with laundry.
Helps with meals.
Keeps her bedroom clean, neat, organized.
Keeps track on her calendar of what needs to be done, what activities she has planned, etc.
She already knows what career she wants in life and is taking steps to achieve that already and even has her college chosen.
I can list a lot more, but why?
Soooo, the verdict? Am I a "helicopter mom"?????
No. You are parenting an 11 year old. If you were dressing her, doing her projects, harassing her teachers with daily calls, ensuring that she made no mistakes or had any consequences for any mistakes - then perhaps. I think it would be negligent no to do anything on your list (prior to the "on the other hand section) for an 11 year old.
I don't consider myself a "helicopter mom" but some of you probably would. My DD is 11.
Yes, I take her to the bus stop every morning. Granted, I sit in my car while she's on the bus stop, but I wait until she's safely on the bus before I leave.
I check her homework every night to make sure it's done fully and correctly. I check her tests and make her re-do the ones she got wrong.
I communicate with her teachers on a regular basis -- no, not to ask them to change her grade or anything else, but to see if there's anything I can do to help her more with subjects she's having difficulty in.
If she's going to stay late at school for extra help or activities, I tell her to call me from school letting me know she's staying (even if she's told me before school that she'll be staying)
If I'm stuck at work and she doesn't see me waiting when she gets off the bus, she knows to call me.
I will be with her while trick-or-treating today.
I don't let her wander the neighborhood on her own.
When she goes to friends' homes, I drop her off, meet the family, pick her up.
I "check" her room and her computer on a regular basis.
On the other hand......
She gets herself up, washed, dressed in the mornings.
Does her chores without being asked.
Is polite/respectful of her others.
Helps with laundry.
Helps with meals.
Keeps her bedroom clean, neat, organized.
Keeps track on her calendar of what needs to be done, what activities she has planned, etc.
She already knows what career she wants in life and is taking steps to achieve that already and even has her college chosen.
I can list a lot more, but why?
Soooo, the verdict? Am I a "helicopter mom"?????
While I wouldn't go so far as to say "helicopter" I would agree that it's overprotective. 11 is plenty old enough to get to the bus stop by themselves, unless there is a lot of crime in your neighborhood or if she has to be at the stop while it is still dark and no other kids go to that stop. She should also be able to get off the bus and get home without your help.
She also should be able to get her homework done without being checked by you unless she has a lot of trouble with her grades and doesn't seem to understand the work that she is doing.
I guess we all probably have a little over and under protectiveness in us. Where were over and under is where we are different.
I heard this term from my cousin a few years ago and about fell over when she said it. I have the opposite problem, I have helicopter kids. They will call me from work. Heaven help me if I don't answer the phone. If I'm not home, they will then try to blow up my cell phone. I love that my children think enough of me to make sure everything is okay during the day, but for heaven sake I am a grown up! But when we were little you rarely left the house now you are gone all the time it seems. Now I know why they insisted I get a cell phone a couple years ago. Still have a 19 yr old at home, I can't even get a block away and he is calling, where you going. Then he always has a reason for calling. Don't forget I have class at such and such time, so I won't be home for dinner until this time. Thank you for letting me know that why weren't you like this in high school ?? If DH and I go to dinner we leave the cell phones in the car, never fails our grandson will call and want to know if he can spend the night. It's like he knows hey its Sat nite, maybe I can get a dinner out. Yes I love my kids and grandkids, but please, lead your own lives and give your dad and I much needed alone time. After 31 years of raising kids we'd like to just enjoy each other's company.
Considering that is seems like almost every other day a child disappears while walking to a neighbor's house or home from school, I don't think it is at all wrong to watch your child walking somewhere at any age. It is a scary world.
I check my child's homework because she asks me to. Her teachers grade on accuracy as well as completion, and she wants to do well. If she makes an error, I tell her and she corrects it. She is an excellent student with exceptional study habits. I also benefit because I get to see what she is learning. It has led to many nights of interesting dinner conversation and debates.
When I was going to grammar and high school I walked there as did every other kid in the area. Those that took buses to school walked to those stops and there were so many kids around that that probably made the streets safer. Today everyone is so paranoid to let their kid walk a couple of blocks alone. It's sad.
I know it is rare, but let's all remember that Jaycee Dugard was grabbed on her way to the bus stop when she was 11. Her step dad was watching and I think she was with some other kids. It happens.
I know it is rare, but let's all remember that Jaycee Dugard was grabbed on her way to the bus stop when she was 11. Her step dad was watching and I think she was with some other kids. It happens.
Let's not forget the little girl who was snatched about 2 weeks ago walking home from the bus stop -- and she was also walking along with other kids. They found her body a few days later.
I don't drive my DD11 to the bus stop, but I do drive up the block as she is walking so I can see her get on the bus and I can drive off to work. When she's coming home, I won't wait at the bus stop, but I will be outside "cleaning" my car or something so I can see her walking up the block coming home.
It's just too, too easy for some lunatic to grab a child and be gone before anyone can do anything to stop it. It also seems these sex offenders are getting much more bold in recent years and think nothing of snatching a child, raping the child, killing the child and tossing the body out like a piece of trash.
Yes, it may be a rare occurence, but I'd rather have my DD and not a statistic.
Last edited by omigawd; 10-31-2009 at 08:30 PM..
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