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Polly Klaas' father is one of the people interviewed in the book Free Range Kids, along with the head of the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, who both agree that babysitting our childrens' every move can be detrimental.
You can't use Polly Klaas as an example in this thread. She was abducted by some lowlife piece of garbage while having a slumber party in her bedroom. She wasn't walking to a bus stop, walking through the mall, running around the street.
In Polly Klaas' case, it wouldn't have mattered if she had a "helicopter" mom, dad, grandma, grandpa or anything else.
Polly Klaas' father is one of the people interviewed in the book Free Range Kids, along with the head of the Center for Missing and Exploited Children, who both agree that babysitting our childrens' every move can be detrimental.
Exactly--by hovering over your children, even watching them from your driveway, doesn't allow them to develop the 6th sense they need to develop their instincts. For the mom that is "just watching from the driveway" your DD knows that and thus is LESS attentive to her surroundings because of that. She is not learning to be independent if she knows you are there for every step she takes. She doesn't need to be aware of what is going on around her because mom will take care of her.
It's just like you hear people in the store telling their kids to stay where they can see them, kids think parents can see through walls so they can be everywhere, the comment to the child should be "stay where you can see ME". This way the child knows not to stray where he can't see mom, also putting some of the responsibility on his shoulders to be in a safe spot.
For the mom that is "just watching from the driveway" your DD knows that and thus is LESS attentive to her surroundings because of that. She is not learning to be independent
There have been many days when I haven't been home (stuck at work) when my daughter got off the bus. From what a neighbor tells me, my daughter is "very determined" in her walk and looks "very confident" in where she's going. (this is a neighbor who watches her son from her window as he's coming home from the bus)
She knows if I'm not there to just go up to our apartment, let herself in, call me to let me know she got home OK.
I guess everyone has a different parenting style. Parents who allow their kids to run all over, do what they want, and wander around unsupervised think they're building "confidence" or teaching a kid to have a "6th sense"..... I don't agree. These are the same kids who have no problem talking to anyone, anywhere, any time because they're so "confident".
Like I said, I'd rather not take a chance on being one of those 50.
Kolari, founder of Connected Parenting, has been working with families for 20 years and says anxiety levels have jumped among parents and kids. She blames much of it on a protective, child-centred approach to family life that fails to instill in kids a sense of competence, self-confidence and independence.
That is the point Michael Ungar elaborates on in Too Safe for Their Own Good. A bubble-wrapped childhood is putting children at greater risk as they age, he says. As teens, they haven't learned how to appraise danger and make wise decisions. And some, robbed of the inherent need for risk-taking and testing the boundaries, seek it out in dangerous ways like delinquency, substance abuse or running away.
"Too much risk and we endanger a child," writes Ungar, a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax. "Too little risk and we fail to provide a child with healthy opportunities for growth and psychological development."
Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Parenting Books among others, attests to the peer pressure. Parents can be competitive, judgmental and defensive.
Douglas, who has four children and lives in Peterborough, recalls getting a phone call one day after she let her kids play outside together unattended. "A bunch of us are concerned...." said the voice at the other end. It's unmistakeable message: "You're not taking proper care of your children."
Kolari, founder of Connected Parenting, has been working with families for 20 years and says anxiety levels have jumped among parents and kids. She blames much of it on a protective, child-centred approach to family life that fails to instill in kids a sense of competence, self-confidence and independence.
That is the point Michael Ungar elaborates on in Too Safe for Their Own Good. A bubble-wrapped childhood is putting children at greater risk as they age, he says. As teens, they haven't learned how to appraise danger and make wise decisions. And some, robbed of the inherent need for risk-taking and testing the boundaries, seek it out in dangerous ways like delinquency, substance abuse or running away.
"Too much risk and we endanger a child," writes Ungar, a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax. "Too little risk and we fail to provide a child with healthy opportunities for growth and psychological development."
Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Parenting Books among others, attests to the peer pressure. Parents can be competitive, judgmental and defensive.
Douglas, who has four children and lives in Peterborough, recalls getting a phone call one day after she let her kids play outside together unattended. "A bunch of us are concerned...." said the voice at the other end. It's unmistakeable message: "You're not taking proper care of your children."
Well put Nuala. I agree completely, the judgement from other mother's can be intense but I won't allow my kids to grow up bubble wrapped, it doesn't result in a competent adult and besides its no fun either
Kolari, founder of Connected Parenting, has been working with families for 20 years and says anxiety levels have jumped among parents and kids. She blames much of it on a protective, child-centred approach to family life that fails to instill in kids a sense of competence, self-confidence and independence.
That is the point Michael Ungar elaborates on in Too Safe for Their Own Good. A bubble-wrapped childhood is putting children at greater risk as they age, he says. As teens, they haven't learned how to appraise danger and make wise decisions. And some, robbed of the inherent need for risk-taking and testing the boundaries, seek it out in dangerous ways like delinquency, substance abuse or running away.
"Too much risk and we endanger a child," writes Ungar, a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax. "Too little risk and we fail to provide a child with healthy opportunities for growth and psychological development."
Ann Douglas, author of The Mother of All Parenting Books among others, attests to the peer pressure. Parents can be competitive, judgmental and defensive.
Douglas, who has four children and lives in Peterborough, recalls getting a phone call one day after she let her kids play outside together unattended. "A bunch of us are concerned...." said the voice at the other end. It's unmistakeable message: "You're not taking proper care of your children."
this is all fine and good, but I would venture to guess these "experts" are talking about parents who are CONSTANTLY hovering over their kids, arguing with teachers/coaches, dressing their kids, doing everything for them..... I don't think this applies to parents who are involved in their children's lives or who watch them walk home from the bus stop.
What I'm wondering here (in reading some of the responses from "non helicopters" or "anti-helicopters") is, why do some people even bother having kids??? They pop out a kid 6 weeks later, the kid is in daycare for 8 or 10 hours a day, the kid is walking to the bus stop on their own at 7, they don't have contact with teachers, they don't check homework, etc.....
Like I said, I guess everyone has different parenting styles. I prefer to give my daughter guided independence and she's turning out very well so far. She's confident, smart, polite/respectful, can handle things on her own, has no problem in getting herself up & ready for school, has no problem doing her chores and helping out with many other things around the house.
this is all fine and good, but I would venture to guess these "experts" are talking about parents who are CONSTANTLY hovering over their kids, arguing with teachers/coaches, dressing their kids, doing everything for them..... I don't think this applies to parents who are involved in their children's lives or who watch them walk home from the bus stop.
What I'm wondering here (in reading some of the responses from "non helicopters" or "anti-helicopters") is, why do some people even bother having kids??? They pop out a kid 6 weeks later, the kid is in daycare for 8 or 10 hours a day, the kid is walking to the bus stop on their own at 7, they don't have contact with teachers, they don't check homework, etc.....
Like I said, I guess everyone has different parenting styles. I prefer to give my daughter guided independence and she's turning out very well so far. She's confident, smart, polite/respectful, can handle things on her own, has no problem in getting herself up & ready for school, has no problem doing her chores and helping out with many other things around the house.
Well, I'm a stay at home mom...so I'm with my kids A LOT, I also always attend their conferences, help if needed with school, and take them to dance and soccer where I cheer them on. I also let them play outside by themselves, will let them walk to school alone with a friend when they attend our neighborhood school, and even (gasp!) will leave them in the car to run into a friend's house to drop something off. My 3yr old gets up and dressed by himself in the morning (I do tackle snaps and buttons) and even makes his own bed.
No one is saying you're a bad parent and the amount of independence you give your daughter is up to you, but don't call the rest of us bad parents because we choose to teach our kids with freedom vs. constant monitoring.
this is all fine and good, but I would venture to guess these "experts" are talking about parents who are CONSTANTLY hovering over their kids, arguing with teachers/coaches, dressing their kids, doing everything for them..... I don't think this applies to parents who are involved in their children's lives or who watch them walk home from the bus stop.
What I'm wondering here (in reading some of the responses from "non helicopters" or "anti-helicopters") is, why do some people even bother having kids??? They pop out a kid 6 weeks later, the kid is in daycare for 8 or 10 hours a day, the kid is walking to the bus stop on their own at 7, they don't have contact with teachers, they don't check homework, etc.....
Like I said, I guess everyone has different parenting styles. I prefer to give my daughter guided independence and she's turning out very well so far. She's confident, smart, polite/respectful, can handle things on her own, has no problem in getting herself up & ready for school, has no problem doing her chores and helping out with many other things around the house.
WOW, this is a HUGE assumption. I was a SAHM for 15 years, we go to conferences, check homework WHEN ASKED, watch the kids' sporting events, etc. What we don't do is fight their battles for them, interfere with school rules and procedures. We DO allow them some independence and freedom because they have earned our trust. They are also not stupid. They don't walk around alone after dark, they let us know where they are going and check in with us as necessary, etc.
They have walked to school since they were in kindergarten--with 20 or so other neighborhood kids. If they were the only ones walking, that would have been different. I never walked them to the bus stop (they were in 6th and 9th grade when they started taking the bus). Now our oldest drives to school. We are constantly told by teachers, church leaders, etc. how responsible and what great kids we have. They have also made many comments over the years that they can tell the kids that have been expected to be responsible at home and those that can't. Usually the teachers tell us that if they need someone to do something for them (run to the office or whatnot) they ask our kids because they can trust them.
Kids will learn to be independent and responsible if they are allowed. Trying to make their life perfect for them will NOT accomplish that.
Well, I'm a stay at home mom...so I'm with my kids A LOT, I also always attend their conferences, help if needed with school, and take them to dance and soccer where I cheer them on. I also let them play outside by themselves, will let them walk to school alone with a friend when they attend our neighborhood school, and even (gasp!) will leave them in the car to run into a friend's house to drop something off. My 3yr old gets up and dressed by himself in the morning (I do tackle snaps and buttons) and even makes his own bed.
No one is saying you're a bad parent and the amount of independence you give your daughter is up to you, but don't call the rest of us bad parents because we choose to teach our kids with freedom vs. constant monitoring.
Well said! I didn't see anyone slamming him/her but answering her question from their point of view, which is what she asked for. I stay at home with my kids too and I am probably a little more free range than some but definitely don't let my kids run amok with no regard for where they are or what they're doing, or ship them off to school and ignore what they are doing or how they are doing. I know because I talk to them, which is how it should be done, not by hovering.
There are a lot of helicopter parents on this board. Parents that won't let their kids out of their sight, won't let them make any choices for themselves for fear they may be disappointed or make a mistake, parents that call the teacher or worse yet the superintendent for EVERY little thing that goes on in school. There are parents that won't let their kids deal will even small issues themselves. Parents that spend every waking minute over involved in their child's life.
These kids then get into a situation when mom or dad isn't around have have NO idea how to deal with it. We have friends that call their daughter every morning to make sure she gets up in time for her COLLEGE classes .
How about the parents here that DEMAND emails from teachers weekly asking about how their child is doing--if you look over their homework you should have a good idea.
I was just talking to a teacher friend who got a call from a mom wanting to know how her DD was doing in class. He told her she was doing just fine, was an asset to class, loved having her in class, etc. That wasn't enough for mom, she had to know EXACTLY where she was in relation to all the other kids--give me a break.
Kids NEED to learn to deal with disappointment and mistakes. If they want to wear shorts to school in the middle of the winter, let them-or at least make them go outside for a few minutes in the shorts-let THEM decide if it is a good idea or not. If they don't turn in their homework on time, THEY need to suffer the consequences not have Mommy call the teacher and whine that they didn't have time to do the homework because football practice took too long.
How about the parents that call my DH when he doesn't give their little darling a job--a job that requires a COLLEGE DEGREE and Mommy is calling to see why her snowflake didn't get the job. This is what happens when the child of a helicopter parent grows up.
I want to believe this isn't true, but I'm sure it is. We had a woman come in once for an interview who brought her mother with her. The mother didn't stay for the actual interview, but still, it was weird. She walked around the office looking at pictures of people's kids on their desks and asking how old the kids were, their names, etc. The thing is, the woman was hired (she was in her late 20's) and turned out to be a problem. She would call the boss at home to complain about the other employees, for example. They let her go at the end of her six-month probationary period. A couple of years later she and her mother were in the newspapers because their bodies had been found in the trunk of an abandoned car. Apparently the daughter became engaged to a guy who borrowed $20,000 from her and then dumped her. When the mother and daughter tracked him down to demand the money back, he shot them both and put them in the trunk then put the car in a parking lot for storage. The car was towed to a lot and not opened until months later when they were going to do sheriff's auction.
That's the helicopter mom horror story.
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