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Old 01-26-2010, 06:53 AM
Location: Boerne area
706 posts, read 1,518,218 times
Reputation: 860


Originally Posted by KarenRice View Post

I caught two five year old boys, on multiple occasions, humping each other and by the way they behaved when caught they knew what they were doing was wrong. Another boy was licking the private parts of the Barbies. Telling the director about this resulted in "Don't worry about it, they are just curious" etc.

What I witnessed working at daycare helped me decide my kids would never have to go to such a place. It was a nice daycare center, too - it was well run, but still...it was nothing, nothing, NOTHING like being home with mommy or daddy.
No it wasn't. It was not the director's job to decide if these children were 'just curious'. This behavior can be a warning sign of sexual abuse and should have been investigated.

Old 01-26-2010, 06:53 AM
Location: Pike County, PA
1,154 posts, read 2,597,208 times
Reputation: 609
That's very true - and I'd rather be the one teaching my kids the basics than some stranger. I understand that it is not possible for everyone to have their kids home while they are young.

My point in my earlier comment about budgeting was that some people claim they can't afford to do it - when in fact, they probably can if they are willing to make sacrifices. But many people do not want to make those sacrifices for various reasons. I know one family where the mom worked so they could afford to take the kids to Disneyworld every year for vacation and have other extras. Ok, fine....but I submit that when looking back, I'll bet the kids will say, after they are older, that they wish they could have spent more time w/ mom and dad every day, rather than have the most quality time spent together be once a year in Florida.....
Old 01-26-2010, 06:57 AM
Location: Pike County, PA
1,154 posts, read 2,597,208 times
Reputation: 609
Originally Posted by 88txaggie View Post
No it wasn't. It was not the director's job to decide if these children were 'just curious'. This behavior can be a warning sign of sexual abuse and should have been investigated.
I agree. I was however not allowed to do anything about it beyond report it to the director. I once got in trouble for mentioning to a mom that her son flinched when I reached over to fix his collar; he acted like he expected me to slap him. I was concerned and wanted his mom to know - thinking that perhaps another babysister or older sibling was hurting him. The mother freaked and complained about me to the director, wanting to know if they were being investigated, etc...the director clearly put me in my place that any concerns were to be directed to her and not to the parents.

I was also encouraged by the director to "cushion" things - not tell the parents if there were problems with the kids that could be fluffed off. If the parent heard too many complaints about their child's behavior, then they might pull their kid out and put them in another center somewhere....

"Being well run" - I meant that the place was clean, bright, comfortable... the kids were not abused by the staff, had lots of activities, etc.
Old 01-26-2010, 07:24 AM
Location: The Big D
14,874 posts, read 37,155,227 times
Reputation: 5787
I can give you a LOT of reasons why NOT to use a "home daycare" or a private daycare that someone does in their home.

My sis has a private "daycare" she uses for her 3 year old and I can tell you that a year ago I would have pulled my own kid out. And do NOT try and say that what I'm going to say is rare as it is NOT.

Reasons why NOT to use "private childcare":
1. The babysitters own kids get jealous. Mom is spending more time with the "other kids/babies" than them. This happened to a good friend of mine as well that kept kids and her son started getting very upset that other kids were taking up moms time and playing with "his toys". My sisters babysitter has a daughter that is acting out and we believe it is because mom has too many kids to watch out for that take away from her paying attention to her own kids.

2 THEY DRIVE!!! At a daycare the kids are dropped off by mom/dad and don't leave the property until mom/dad pick them up. Unless they go on a field trip and mom/dad sign the permission forms. Home daycare people have errands to run, their own kids to take to school and pick up, etc. My sisters babysitter took FIVE LITTLE ONES with her to the dentist recently (I'd be livid as a parent AND the dental office ). She has taken them all to the mall to do her Christmas shopping, etc. NO THANKS!

Not only that but from what I can figure my sisters babysitter is now in charge of more kids than can all fit SAFELY in a child restraint seat in her vehicle (this is when her own kids are with her). In order for all the kids to fit in the car she has to double at least two of them up in one spot AND have a child sit in the front passanger seat (ILLEGAL IN OUR STATE!). Not only no but H-E-L-L NO!!!!!

3. The babysitters kids get sick or the babysitter gets sick. NOW WHAT? I'll tell you what. The babysitters kids are sick but she still keeps the others so your child IS exposed to other sick kids - at a well run daycare they will send a sick kid home and keep them in the office till mom/dad can come get them. Babysitter just a wee sick will still keep your child. Babysitter too sick to keep your kids you get a call at 6-7am telling you that you need to find someone else to keep your child. With a daycare the daycare worker is sick they stay home and your child can still have their normal routine day as can you. This week my sisters babysitter is out as her daughter ended up in the ER on Sunday and had to have surgery. She was scrambling on Sunday evening to find someone. Guess what..... my parents are driving 30 miles ONE WAY to go pick her up and keep her. Thankfully she has them to fall back on otherwise her or her husband would have to miss a full week of work.

4. Your kids are STILL with other kids and you don't know how they are raised at their homes. Your kids can still be with others that are bad examples. Most well run daycare centers have cameras in all of the rooms for the front office to monitor.

5. Most home daycare people do NOT do any sort of set curriculium for instruction. A well run daycare WILL! Your child will actually be in a more controlled environment with a schedule.

6. What about babysitters weird uncle that comes to visit. Does HE have a background check. HECK NO! This has happened. The home daycare persons relative comes to visit and they molest the kids. I remember this happening not to long ago around here somewhere as it was in the news. You trust the babysitter and think if they will allow this creepy guy to be in the same house as their own kids it should be okay. He doesn't have to turn in any info to the state.

7. Most home daycares are NOT licensed so they are not inspected. I'd be willing to bet that a good percentage of the people that "keep kids" in their own home do NOT register with the state and proper authorities. If they did then some of them would be in trouble for their ratios. Even so the ratios for a home daycare are pretty staggering. One person to watch like 10 kids. What happens if that 1 adult in charge falls and gets knocked unconcious. No other adult around at all. At a daycare you do HAVE other adults around.

8. It has actually been proven that a child in a private daycare setting is more likely to be abused over a child in a daycare center.

There are many many more reasons why a daycare is a better place than an individual that decides to "keep kids". Too many of these people needed an extra income and instead of having to put their own kids in daycare they figured, "I'll keep kids". Not everyone is cut out to keep kids. I love kids. Love mine to death. I'd do anything to protect ANY child. But I am NOT cut out to keep kids day in and day out. I can do it for a day or so but I'm not the type that could do it every single day. I enjoy my kids too much and don't want "keeping kids" to become a "job".

I had to go back to work when my oldest was 6 months. Didn't have a choice even though I was a "SAHM". It was our own business. I only had to go in to help 2-4 days a week. During that time my mom kept our little one. That got to be too much as my parents lived on the other side of town. I found a few good reliable friends that would help me out. They only had to watch her for about 5 hours a day a few times a week. I knew and trusted the ones that were watching her as they were friends anyway that she already had a relationship with. Then when she turned 2 I put her in a local dayschool that has an AWESOME structure and very reliable and trustworthy. The director and I are now friends and that has been 13 years ago.

From my own experiences and witnesses................ give me a daycare center or dayschool over a private childcare person any day.
Old 01-26-2010, 07:26 AM
235 posts, read 447,716 times
Reputation: 316
Like the other posters before me, I would never trust someone I found on the internet to watch my children. I did a lot of research before choosing the right daycare/preschool for my kids. Daycare centers around here tend to be MUCH more expensive than in-home care and you certainly get what you pay for. I know that the teachers are supervised and can take a break from the kids if necessary. An in-home provider doesn't have that luxury.

My kids love school. They have tons of friends, a set schedule, learn a ton, do so many activities, etc. I don't have to worry about someone plopping them in front of a TV all day like I would if they were in someone's home.

Those are my reasons. I do admit they both got sick when they first started daycare, but now that they've been there a few years they rarely catch anything anymore.

ETA: momof2dfw makes GREAT points. I totally agree about the driving and lack of monitoring of visitors.
Old 01-26-2010, 07:57 AM
28,206 posts, read 20,651,237 times
Reputation: 16593
Originally Posted by L.K. View Post
This was always my first thought, accountability.I wanted to make sure there were many adults in the building/classrooms to insure the safety of my child. We also visited many daycares in our city to find the best environment.You need to visit several times, at different times of day,speak with the director, teachers and other parents, stay around and observe the children.There are well run,clean, safe daycares out there,at least there were where we lived.


This is one of the main reasons I went with a daycare situation. I just can't imagine leaving a child, alone, with an adult I don't know by themselves.

I would worry way too much.
Old 01-26-2010, 07:59 AM
28,206 posts, read 20,651,237 times
Reputation: 16593
Originally Posted by arielmina View Post
yeah but my point is that if they are at daycare, they are not getting "parenting". They may be getting discipline, but not "parenting".

Meh. You say tomato and I say tomawto.

Any person in a child's life that is a caregiver is assuming a parental-like role.

Are they feeding them? Changing diapers? Playing with the child? Disciplining child? Teaching them?

Yeah that's what I do as a parent and that's what I paid DC to do.
Old 01-26-2010, 08:08 AM
47,576 posts, read 60,451,518 times
Reputation: 22274
Originally Posted by Magritte25 View Post

This is one of the main reasons I went with a daycare situation. I just can't imagine leaving a child, alone, with an adult I don't know by themselves.

I would worry way too much.

Private nannies have also killed children and there is less oversight of them. They can stick the child in a playpen and watch television all day or whatever. At least there are other adults around, more children in a day care setting that can tell their parents of anything that isn't right.

A busy day care can even be safer that way, more parents coming and going, showing up at different times. A private sitter might be better as far as the children having more quiet, more individualized schedules but there is less oversight.
Old 01-26-2010, 08:14 AM
Location: Dallas TX
14,990 posts, read 21,623,471 times
Reputation: 22094
Every daycare is different, parents research them carefully before they put their children in.

To hire someone to take care of your child is expensive, they can call out sick, they can quit at a moment's notice and your child doesn't have the chance to interact with other children.

It is a personal choice.
Old 01-26-2010, 08:18 AM
10,630 posts, read 23,354,337 times
Reputation: 6702
Are we talking about nannies vs group care, or in-home versus center care? I think we're not all talking about the same thing. To me, private care means a nanny or a babysitter that watches just your own kid (or maybe a nanny-share situation). Day care centers and in-home daycares are both private. Small in-home places can be licensed, too; mine certainly was, and the owner up on all of her CPR, etc. certificates.

The curriculum thing was one of the biggest reasons I don't like daycare centers, actually. At one in our area the preschool kids did worksheets. That's certainly not the kind of controlled environment I want for my son.

There are obviously a huge range of childcare options, with good and bad nannies, in-home care, and daycare centers.

I also think it's unfair to compare unlicensed in-home daycares to licensed daycare centers. It's like apples and oranges. Things like a 10 kid to one adult ratio aren't legal. If we're going to make comparisons let's at least stick to something approximating apples to apples. I don't think some random and unlicensed place that "keeps kids" should even count as an in-home option, at least not without clarifying that it's illegal (in those cases when it is illegal; sometimes licenses aren't necessary for very small numbers of kids, etc.). I don't know if "most" aren't licensed; maybe it's true, or more true in some areas, but I'd like to see the stats on that.
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