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of course i can stop my 14 years old of meeting her bf...the time after shcool is in my hands...she is not independante to do,what she wants..not in this age...i take care about the time after school and i supervise it properly...i do not need to post a 24 hours guard,we have RULES in my house..my child can not miss school,because i am informed immediately,so the time after school,i take care of this time,i MAKE THE RULES FO RTHIS TIME..i do not need to be every minute near my child,but he has to follow the rules,i made for him..
i do not really undertsand some american parents..kids seem to do ,what they want...at 14 my child does not do,what he wants...if he wnats to leave the house,he has to tell me where he goes and i have to give him green light,but i prefer him to be with friends at my house..it is not a hotel hier,where you can go and come,as you please...and no hang out at friends in this age..i can not supervise at somebody's else house,but i am the boss in my house and I make the rules,not a 14 years old child!!!like i said education,school first in this age..they can hang around at me,at our place,but i keep a very close eye on them...have a bf and sexual activity under my supervision...not possible, stricte ,disciplinate education is important for me...
so in one word,YOU CAN HINDERN your child to have a bf or gf..only if you are a sissy,not involved parent you can not..or if you are a parent like you,who tolerate something like this..guess what,i do not tolerate something like this,not in this age!!..and it looks like i make things great,because he has excellent school grades, he has friends ,who prefer to come over to me,because they know my european mentality and they also enjoy the european lifestyle (fresh cooked food daily, many activities together and so on)..i do not let my child to somebody's else house,only in exceptional cases...he has great conditiona at my place,so he had many freinds in north california,who enjoyed coming to us...that is me,who likes it good,who does not,sorry...
Last edited by Buburuza13; 02-20-2010 at 03:32 PM..
i do not really undertsand some american parents..
I've seen a disturbing trend here on some of these threads and I am wondering what "American" kids and parents have to do with anything. There are almost 400 million people who live in the USA. Do you really think that we all fit into a stereotype? I've lived all over the USA and can assure you that residents in Seattle live their lives differently and have a different outlook on life than people in Tampa or Phoenix or Boston. Most of the countries that are so heralded as the only country who does things right have the population the size of California.
This is a free country and you are free to express your opinions, but trust me that I am not the only one here who reads "You Americans don't know how to raise children"...and I scroll right over everything else you have to say. It's a shame because perhaps you actually have something to contribute, but your way of going about it is wrong.
Finally, I lived in Italy for a year in college and then in Germany for 3 years when I was in my late 20s. I've never seen children who were allowed to misbehave as much as the kids I came into contact with regularly. I supposed I could generalize that "You Italians and Germans don't know how to raise your kids" but I understand that I was only exposed to a very small sample of those country's populations and to make sweeping statements is not only false but makes me look like an idiot.
I'd just like to point out that different areas of the country have different problems. Malls in my area do not have a problem with crowds of misbehaving teenagers, and there are no mall curfews here. I never had a problem with allowing my children to spend a couple of unsupervised hours at the mall. The OP probably comes from a similar area to mine.
It's clear that you live in an area that is not as safe as where we live. Afterall, your malls wouldn't have curfews if the area was safe and problem free. In my entire greater metropolitian area, ONLY a few select neighobrhoods have curfews. (These are the less desirable neighborhoods in my region.) That's a few select neighborhoods out of a greater metro region of 2.5 million people.
No...actually I live in a little podunk rural town...very low crime rate..maybe that's why....our officials try to prevent problems.
What do you do when your 14 year old won't let a relationship go? She and her boyfriend broke up, FINALLY (we figured they'd never last three months). Now she's chasing after him. He, apparently, has a new girlfriend but she keeps going over to see him (Dad lets her go, if it were up to me, I'd have a no contact rule).
Ok, I need to sit down with her and explain in terms a 14 year old will understand that you cannot make someone love you and all the theatrics in the world won't change that he has moved on. Any advice from parents who have, recently, had to do this? She's my drama queen. The world is coming to an end for sure. I'm not really sure how to help her through this but I do need to get her to stop chasing him. It's not helping.
Thanks in advance for your advice.
This is one reason I don't believe kids need to be dating until at the least 16 but preferrably older.
A child so young isn't ready to handle rejection, they've never done the solo things, or made close friends of the same gender. They're too young for adult type relationships and think they cannot live without the boyfriend or girlfriend.
I would tell her she was too young to be dating and having boyfriends in the first place and it's obvious from the way she's carrying on that she was.
of course i can stop my 14 years old of meeting her bf...the time after shcool is in my hands...she is not independante to do,what she wants..not in this age...i take care about the time after school and i supervise it properly...i do not need to post a 24 hours guard,we have RULES in my house..my child can not miss school,because i am informed immediately,so the time after school,i take care of this time,i MAKE THE RULES FO RTHIS TIME..i do not need to be every minute near my child,but he has to follow the rules,i made for him..
i do not really undertsand some american parents..kids seem to do ,what they want...at 14 my child does not do,what he wants...if he wnats to leave the house,he has to tell me where he goes and i have to give him green light,but i prefer him to be with friends at my house..it is not a hotel hier,where you can go and come,as you please...and no hang out at friends in this age..i can not supervise at somebody's else house,but i am the boss in my house and I make the rules,not a 14 years old child!!!like i said education,school first in this age..they can hang around at me,at our place,but i keep a very close eye on them...have a bf and sexual activity under my supervision...not possible, stricte ,disciplinate education is important for me...
so in one word,YOU CAN HINDERN your child to have a bf or gf..only if you are a sissy,not involved parent you can not..or if you are a parent like you,who tolerate something like this..guess what,i do not tolerate something like this,not in this age!!..and it looks like i make things great,because he has excellent school grades, he has friends ,who prefer to come over to me,because they know my european mentality and they also enjoy the european lifestyle (fresh cooked food daily, many activities together and so on)..i do not let my child to somebody's else house,only in exceptional cases...he has great conditiona at my place,so he had many freinds in north california,who enjoyed coming to us...that is me,who likes it good,who does not,sorry...
I'm an American and I agree with you. I never had a problem keeping my 14 year olds home and away from the dating and sex scene. In reality I think it's more natural for kids to want to have fun and go out with friends of the same gender at this time in their life and save the drama and heartbreak for later.
My kids never set the rules, I did. I also made sure they had plenty of fun things to do -- horses, hiking, camping out, and family trips but the love stuff has to wait.
My daughter just recently went through her first broken heart at 16. We parents tread a fine line between not minimizing the intensity of their feelings and understanding that there will be so much more as they continue to grow.
My oldest son started dating at age 16 and a half, was 17 when he was dumped. He wouldn't come to the table to eat but by the second evening of that and watching him mope around, I told him "this is why I said you were too young to start dating", he responded he wasn't too young and I told him yes he was because you must be old enough to handle a break up if you're old enough to date and he was only proving he wasn't old enough. He quit the drama queen stuff fast then.
Then he was back to himself and hanging out with his guy friends having fun.
I also developed early but as the oldest girl of six kids I had too much on my plate to worry about relationships.
I think you've answered the question yourself by looking at your own teenage years: keep her busy, give her responsibilities, and get her involved in doing something greater than herself. Like you or someone said earlier: using her talents and energies to help others. For example, does your school offer a preschool program? Some high schools do. It would be great for her to work with kids and helping parents.
While joining teams may not be the end all be all, don't let her give up so easily on trying to join. Talk to the coaches, the band director, etc. Explain your dilemma. Surely there's a place for her on some team somewhere. Could she help with physical therapy on one of the teams?
Ask her to come up with a top 10 dream activities list and have her try them, checking them off, one by one until something sticks.
This is about redirecting her energy in a positive direction, rather than let it go towards something that is clearly not productive and, as experience shows, could end up in a relationship with someone you really don't want her to be with.
As far as movie recommendations, if someone hasn't already mentioned it: Fatal Attraction. On the positive side, RV is a good movie about parents raising teenagers.
That's a good idea. Anyone know a good movie we could rent?
I'm feeling like she and I need a girls night. A movie would be perfect. Even if she doesn't open up afterwards, she'll have heard the message.
I swear, I did not sign up for teenagers. I signed up for cute little babies. Teenagers are a lot harder....and I have another one about to round the corner... No wonder my hair is turning gray.
Some Kind of Wonderful
Never Been Kissed
Teen Wolf
Better off Dead
Love Actually
Fatal Attraction
Sixteen Candles
Hmmmm......
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Teenagers are a lot harder....and I have another one about to round the corner...
