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^^ It's not obvious at all that she's "embarrassed."
She's not too embarrassed to keep ignoring it and let him do all the worrying.
She's not too embarrassed to want a bigger house.
^^ It's not obvious at all that she's "embarrassed."
She's not too embarrassed to keep ignoring it and let him do all the worrying.
She's not too embarrassed to want a bigger house.
"Embarrassment" is not her issue.
Being embarrassed is not her problem, being spoiled and entitled is. She needs to get a job.
This right here. My gosh, what is it with people thinking they need a huge vehicle the minute they have one child? Get rid of that leased vehicle. You're not driving your car much anyway. Then wifey can go to work and pay off the loans that she racked up and that you did know about before you married her (so I don't see how she hid anything from you, is what I'm saying).
My husband and I got married when we were in our 40s. I had a substantial debt - just one but it was a biggie - when we got married. Even though my husband made good money and I was debt free other than that, I didn't feel like it was fair to saddle him with debt accrued before we even met. I worked till that debt was paid and afterward (I always made more than the debt payment of course but that just built our retirement plan up).
1. Let your parents babysit.
2. Wife goes to work and if necessary, all her paycheck goes toward the debt (the sooner she pays it off, the sooner she can get back to being a full time mom).
3. Get rid of the leased vehicle.
4. Get rid of the cable bill.
You can't pay all this with just your job. In fact, even when her debt is paid off, you still make barely enough money to scrape by from what I can tell. But handle the most pressing issue right now - and look for a better job or consider moving in the future.
There are even better, but more drastic ways, to cut out this problem, but I'm trying to suggest what you could realistically do without getting a divorce (and you still might have to get one even with these options, depending on how reasonable or unreasonable your wife is).
Oh, and I would also employ "No vehicle, no cable, no fancy phones, no nail appts, no frills at all - ESPECIALLY NO NEW HOUSE - till SHE paid off that student loan debt." If she can get her mom to kick in, great, but I'd put that off on her. It might surprise you how quickly she can manage to get at least SOME money out of her mom if she knows she's going to work and pay that debt off herself before she has any of the "finer things in life."
Good luck.
Excellent advice.
Cut expenses to the absolute bone. Sell one of the cars, cancel the cable, visit a park or do something free for date night (and have your parents babysit for free), shop at Goodwill for clothes & other essentials and use ALL of that money to pay down the student loans. Also, your wife absolutely, positively needs to get a job and every dime that she earns needs to go to her student loans.
If she is not willing to do those simple things than I would seriously consider getting a divorce. There is no way that she is acting as an equal partner in this marriage.
I can't believe that she is actually talking about getting a bigger house in five years. She is delusional.
I can't get over that he said he "budgets" no more than $150.00 a month for a date night.
Even when I read that so many pages back I was like: "date night... is he insane?"
(for this wife ?...and in this situation? .... you have GOT to be kidding.)
He's talking about eating less, and trying to figure out if he can fit in a second job. Wife won't work. Won't lift a finger to help him pay off HER debt. Wants a bigger house. Won't let HIS parents watch the kid. And HE schedules 'a date night.'
I can't get over that he said he "budgets" no more than $150.00 a month for a date night.
Even when I read that so many pages back I was like: "date night... is he insane?"
(for this wife ?...and in this situation? .... you have GOT to be kidding.)
He's talking about eating less, and trying to figure out if he can fit in a second job. Wife won't work. Won't lift a finger to help him pay off HER debt. Wants a bigger house. Won't let HIS parents watch the kid. And HE schedules 'a date night.'
Leaves you almost speechless, doesn't it?
I agree. Frankly, the only young couples that I know/knew who scheduled expensive date nights were couples that had very substantial incomes. Now, I know other couples that scheduled regular date nights. One couple that I knew would have picnics in the park (for free), another couple would have a date night at home while their children were taking a low cost class through the city recreation department, another couple would go to the $2 midweek movie matinee and another couple would have a date night once every four or five months.
Budgeting $150 a month for a date night with a spouse that refuses to get a job and is thousands of dollars in debt. Man, oh, man. That is just crazy.
Some of these comments seem to be attempts at making the OP feel worse rather than providing constructive advice, particularly when they've been repeated for the 4th or 5th time.
I don't think the comments are intended to make him feel worse. They're intended to get him to get his arse in gear and take more control of his life.
The OP had better ask himself where he wants to be in life in five years, let alone, ten. I think we're encouraging him to let him know he CAN turn it around.
Sure, he ignored advice from his previous threads and married her anyway.
Sure he's let this situation get more dire by the year.
BUT, as long as he's willing to do what needs to be done....he CAN improve his situation.
I think that's a positive. If anything, we're telling him "come on man, you CAN do better than this, you deserve better than this."
I'm at a total loss as to why people do this kind of thing to themselves. The formula to success is to marry your socioeconomic equal, not a basket case you'll need to support. And then she pops out a kid. With a kid and being unemployable, he's on the hook for the next 20+ years for the kid and likely what NY calls "maintenance" for life.
I can't read all nine pages, too tired. I did read the first few. I know credentialed teachers that teach on-line to chartered academies. They have young kids and teach during naps and have flexibility in terms of when they do or don't teach. The jobs I have heard of pay around $35k per year. Not as much as an out of the home teacher but she could stay home, earn money to pay down her debts and take some of the stress out of the finances and the marriage. She created the problem, she needs to be part of the solution!
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