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As much as people hate to admit it to themselves many regardless of their skills are just not desirable as employees. to them it looks like there are no jobs . in reality there are but they just don't make the cut
This morning on the news they interviewed some of the GM folks who were going to be let go. GM offered them a job in another city but they declined because they have kids and can’t move, they then went on to complain that there were no jobs in their town that would pay them close what GM has been. Sometimes you aren’t really a 40.00/hr worker or sometimes little Bobby and Amy need to suck it up and find a new elementary school
Your health posts are ridiculous. What exactly does that have to do with your spending issues, other than god knows how much you are spending on vitamins and supplements?
To be honest OP there IS a connection between your financial issues, your posts about buying this or that and your health-related postings. You may not see it but others do. It might help to dig up all your C-D threads and look at them as a whole. The themes may surprise you. Many of your health-related threads start off with requests for information about all sorts of gadgets, specialized air filtration, supplements, even specialized food or water that will hopefully get rid of your asthma symptoms. As you write you start talking yourself into buying and trying them. When people invariably join the thread to help and ask what you are allergic to or whether you've actually had allergen testing done to rule out things that won't help, there's no answer. You obviously spend a lot of time shopping for these gadgets and supplements, chasing the magic that will take it all away. What you have or do is never enough. Sorry, there simply aren't cures for asthma or for allergies, but they can be controlled.
You've talked about a minimalist lifestyle to control dust, clearing the decks, but that means releasing the clutter. Clutter gets created by stuff you buy; generated by too much shopping, searching once again for the magic. It happens in the mind, not just your apartment. Instead of one or two pairs of sunglasses you might convince yourself you need 10. Instead of one or two handbags you might feel you need a dozen. Make up, false eyelashes, endless seeking for better than reality. Little non-essentials that add up to big bucks. Buying and selling clothing, constant cycles of acquisition, disappointment, and discard. This supplement doesn't work but maybe that new one will. On and on and on. It's cumulative, just like clutter. Lots of smaller scale decisions that add up to a whole, but if you don't want or are scared to see the whole, you'll keep all the individual decisions compartmentalized; isolated from each other. What else ends up happening? Rationalizations that become excuses, stress, and anxiety all of which BTW can make asthma worse. Yes, but. Yes, but. Yes, but. None of these things happen in a vacuum.
One thing I've learned about myself and other people is that we tend to be our own worst enemies. It's convenient to ignore the reality that others "see" you differently than you see yourself. Others look at you from the outside in, not the inside out. We all have blind spots about our lives. You do seem to ask for help a lot about different aspects of your life which is fine, but you don't seem ready to interrupt the larger habits of thinking that might actually make a difference.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-28-2018 at 10:47 AM..
I'm not the one who said there wasn't a connection...carnivalday did.
A lot of people on here are right...we should be able to ask questions to get unbiased info w/o being ripped apart, having other posts thrown in our faces, etc.
I'm not the one who said there wasn't a connection...,carnivalday did.
A lot of people on here are right...we should be able to ask questions to get unbiased info w/o being ripped apart, having other posts thrown in our faces, etc.
But the answer to how you arrived in your current financial situation (which you state is unsatisfactory) is immediately obvious when looking at just a few of those posts.
What really jumped out to me, is the amount of clothes you have in a closet in your parents' house. You haven't moved those things, so you must not want (to say nothing of need) them. How much did you pay for those things? Enough to pay off at least one of your current debts? My guess is yes.
It's not about throwing anything in your face. Your money is yours to use as you please. But please notice the direct link between your spending and your dissatisfaction with your finances. These aren't two facts which exist independently from each other; one of these things is causing the other.
I'm not the one who said there wasn't a connection...carnivalday did.
A lot of people on here are right...we should be able to ask questions to get unbiased info w/o being ripped apart, having other posts thrown in our faces, etc.
Ah, OK. You asked your question on a forum full of people who are interested/experienced in finance enough to participate, and then those people offered advice that you didn't want to hear. We tend to nibble away at the edges of bigger problems instead of take that bigger bite. Those nibbles don't really make much difference no matter how hard we try. As for advice, it's always easy to shoot the messengers. This response is a perfect example of infantile evasion and denial. You could have asked the question on the Travel or Genealogy forums and gotten suggestions easier to ignore. Good luck.
Last edited by Parnassia; 11-28-2018 at 11:36 AM..
OP, I honestly don't see posts where anyone is ripping you apart. Some posters have pulled out things you've said in other threads, true. But not to shame you or slam you, but really as an honest attempt to help you see some patterns. Maybe this doesn't help you, you're perhaps going to see what you want to see. But who knows who else may read this thread and be helped? You are not the first one to have these struggles and you won't be the last.
It is hard not to feel that this is all personal and to be emotional about that. It can feel like your entire lifestyle is being criticized. But I hope you can take a step back and try to read some of the posts a little more objectively. It's hard, but do try.
For me, I know that I can easily get into a mode where I start to spend a bit frivolously. I used to be worse, but have managed to get a handle on it over the years. Some of the things that I do:
* No catalog ever comes into my house. It goes straight into the recycle bin.
* I don't open advertising email, even if it's the Best Sale Ever -- I mark these emails as spam also, so they stop coming to my inbox
* I no longer read fashion magazines
* I go "shopping" in my own closet. I often find great stuff that I forgot that I have (I have a goal of decluttering and really scaling down my closets this Winter)
* I make a game of how long I can go without spending one dime (other than utilities, obviously)
* If I think about buying something (anything, even a sandwich) and talk myself out of it, I will then take whatever amount of money I was going to spend and move it to my savings account. You might be surprised at how quickly this can add up.
* I eat two meals a day, instead of three.
* I don't buy prepared food (with the exception of rotisserie chicken, which is oddly less expensive than buying a chicken and cooking it yourself)
* I no longer drink soda, beer or wine (beer and wine with exceptions, tbh. I did have some wine on TG, but it was a bottle I had in the house, I didn't go out and buy some for the holiday).
* I always make my own coffee
* I limit how many times a month I go to the grocery store and use food that I already have instead of running out for more, or getting takeout (this also saves on gas)
^ These are just a few of the little things I do, none of which has negatively impacted my quality of life. They are not drastic steps at all, but can help with a perspective shift -- put you in a different mindset.
For a start, OP, I would stop reading the fashion and beauty forums. It doesn't sound like they are doing you any favors.
Lastly, I haven't seen anyone ask this: do you have a retirement fund started? If not, this should be a priority for you. And a much bigger one than buying a house.
Exactly, THOSE are pretty much ONLY from THIS MONTH (as you said yourself) & how long have I been a member on this board?
All that carnivalday said, a LOT of that was back at my parents (the clothes I had way back & a LOT was bought by parents). I already admitted I DID do some Black Friday shopping (just a few days ago), but otherwise, some other stuff (Cirque du Soliel) were gifts that I didn't buy the tickets for.
A few other things, fancy shoes I ended up returning...I didn't buy the 42" TV as I said originally that I didn't need it. So the list may look bad when you put it all together, but it's not as bad as it looks...I know, probably "excuses, excuses" to some of you.
The air purifier I need since I have a respiratory condition & needed it & my mom bought it for me anyway. And while you're taking so much time going through those fashion posts of mine, why don't you go through my HEALTH posts too, so you can see the health issue I've been having too that developed out of the blue, which I why I want to eat organic, exercise, etc.
So yes, this affects how I feel when I work, etc. too.
True, I'm sure I do. Now before selling on eBay got big, I remember back when Plato's Closet this used clothing store was still in business in my area, I packed up about 3-4 garbage fulls of clothing to sell as much as I could & got back...$40. I even took some later to Buffalo Exchange & got like $20, the gas it probably took to go to that store since I lived 35-40 min away. Trying to sell to those used clothing stores was an utter joke. I actually should see about selling the clothes back at my parents on eBay.
Oh, com'on, blue.
People here are not "ripping you apart or tearing you down", we are TRYING to HELP YOU. But you arent having any of it.
Lemme tell you a story, as Sophia would say, picture it, upstate NY, 1999-2000:
I had been HOMELESS living under a bridge for a while in winter in NY due to medical issues causing me to go through everything i had saved and in retirement. I hadNO health insurance, either.
You wanna go to "health problems "??? I have 23 chronic continuous medical conditions, take 18 prescription medications, have had 20 surgeries, and get AROUND with a CANE, sometimes TWO CANES. I have a general physician, a mental health therapist, a psychiatrist, a podiatrist, a pulmonologist ( i am SEVERELY ASTHMATIC.. i have 4 meds just to breathe), a neurologist, an orthopedic surgeon, a general surgeon, a dermatologist ( repeat skin cancer), a urologist (prostate issues and cancer), a Pain center team of two doctors. One nurse practitioner and two nurses.
Now tgat you know all this, You still wanna go tit for tat on health issues???..it costs me $410/m for my health insurance. I Draw SSDI and was for a recent short time working part time also ( allowable up to a limit), now looking again.
In 2000 when we got firmly together, my OH (Other Half) had just come out of bankruptcy, i was just out of being homeless and getting my SSDI approval after being "rehomed" on welfare.
My OH DOES make it easier, which you dont have. But remember neither of us had a nickle to rub together let alone a dime. The only assets were my OH s older model but paid for trailer home, a 1989 oldsmobile my OH had and my 1986 caravan .
I knuckled us down, my OH got two jobs, one is minimum wage, and worked diligently to where we have sone money, 3 years ago bought a small house, a newer minivan ('06) for me paid a loan of 5 years off in 2 years 3 months, and a paid cash for brand new ('14) car for my OH, plys we have sone money in the bank. Right now we are struggling to add more money to savings as my OH s hoyrs are cut, im not working now, but we use the methods i put out to you to get by. Heat is no higher than 67, and turned down to 63 at night and when we are out, ac (windows in 4 strategically located places) never get e more than 2 used at any one time, usually only one. We bundpe up, im wearing 3 layers top right now and 2 layers down.
I was 300 pounds but turned diabetic, so i lost 75 pounds, but i only spen $25-30/ week on groceries, healthy chouces except for the ramen noodles. Today fir lunch we had a $0.50 can of Wally world hearty chicken noodle soup, fortified with scraps off the bones of a half used rotisserie chicken. Tonight we will have the leg quarters of the chicken, rice flavored with chicken broth, and each a salad out of a bag of $1.29 salad. Homemade vinegar and olive oil dressing .
So i DO put my money where my mouth is.
Point being, i have several severe medical issues, and in 18 years by drastically CHANGING what we were doing, we: bought a house, bought one new car for cash, early paid off a used one, went to Hawai'i a couple of times, Disney world, went on weekenders frequently and have some money in the bank. And for retirement.
We DID accumulate some debt updating/upgrading the house, but will have that paid off in 2 years or less, oh, and btw, we own half the house in just 3 years already!!
IF you want that, it WILL take TIME, AND youll need to drastically change what you are doing.
But its up to you. You can resist our advice ( which I remind you you asked for), or you can make changes and accomplish great things.
Get into Dave Ramsey s books, YouTube videos and start his program. If you dont believe us, maybe you will believe him.
OK, I'm pretty much done here. I thought I sounded pretty gracious when I said the following earlier this morning (below in purple colored font), which I genuinely mean, especially what I bolded. The horse analogy is to say that I know that it's up to ME & ME alone to make changes because everyone else can talk till they're blue in the face. Again, I'm just asking for suggestions, such as student loan help of where to turn, etc. NOT be reminded of fashion posts I already posted.
"Thank you, everyone, I DO appreciate it. Now what I've said below, please, no sarcastic, belittling, negative, or non-constructive comments, please.
I definitely see the logic in what you're all saying. But of course, it's up to me to either to them or not. As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but can't make him drink it. I simply asked for ideas/suggestions because many heads are better than one as you all know. Whether I do them or not is up to me, so you guys don't need to have this attitude of, "why ask for help if I'm not going to do them or knock everything?" People can still ask for suggestions you know on discussion boards. If I just said, "Thank you all", which I've said, then they'll be people here asking, "well, are you going to do what we said or not, etc., etc., etc.?!"..."
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I just don't need anyone reminding me of what I said in past posts as carnivalday seemed to have so much time to lay out all my fashion posts so as to inform everyone else to probably join the bandwagon in scolding me for past actions. So what. If I didn't say all that on here, no one here would have known & many of you would have probably been more helpful w/ your posts. So since it looks like this is what the feedback is turning into, I know the rest is & was always up to ME. YES, I realize that. The first 5 pages of this thread was pretty good.
An alcoholic could have had his last drink YESTERDAY, but if he's attending an AA meeting the next day, that means he wants help & wants to change. But, I'm being reminded of past posts, etc. Every single person who's made a change regarding something had their FIRST day at some point to start their change, so I was doing it & asking for suggestions.
Thanks again to those who gave good advice without judging, bringing up any past stuff, taking the time to search through past posts to see what incriminating things they can throw back in my face now, etc.
Last edited by Forever Blue; 11-28-2018 at 02:23 PM..
Well AA they keep track of the time since your last drink. It’s brought up often without judging. Someone simply pointing out your past isn’t judging. Let’s be honest too it’s not like the post were from years ago and you’ve corrected the behavior. Your past is always relevant and not something to be glossed over or you will often repeat it
An alcoholic could have had his last drink YESTERDAY, but if he's attending an AA meeting the next day, that means he wants help & wants to change. But, I'm being reminded of past posts, etc. Every single person who's made a change regarding something had their FIRST day at some point to start their change, so I was doing it & asking for suggestions.
Thanks again to those who gave good advice without judging, bringing up any past stuff, taking the time to search through past posts to see what incriminating things they can throw back in my face now, etc.
And i told you our FIRST DAY OF CHANGE was 18 years ago, AND told you what all i/we faced.
Bankruptcy, homelessness, no money, AND I told you where we are today. You want to buy a house and are 44. I didnt get my house until 3 years ago at age 52. It took 15 years of diligence and cheap living to get there.
I was Not beating you up, just telling my/our story.
Do you see now, how my advice to you is based upon MY experience? Or not?
Why dont YOU yell us how you plan to change starting tomorrow to get yourself out of your rut for a change?
Besides wanting passive residual income...heck wed all like that and not have to work. That is about the only thing ive seen you say you want to change.
Every suggestion that has been given to you you have shot down, arent willing to adopt or dont want.
So tell us, what are you going to change starting when?
Please tell us.
You won't get anywhere if you keep doing what you are doing, THAT is our point.
I HAVE NOT read your other posts, so i dont know about your patst posts so how can i use it against you?
As i said: if you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got.
But its up to you, youre the only one who will suffer or succeed.
Best of luck to you... i think you're going to need it.
But, DO cone back when you are ready to listen and implement some changes, but only when you are receptive.
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