Is Being Childfree Selfish? Debating Time Magazine's Touchy New Issue (marriage, nature)
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Neither having nor not having children is inherently selfish.
Most people I know who have decided not to have children get along just fine for any one of a number of reasons and don't feel subjugated at all. A lot of the self-identified "child free" folks who endlessly complain about how much crap they get for not having kids are also the ones who will engage you in a conversation about things such as why it's inherently more moral to not have children; how you'll be a crap parent because you don't make enough/aren't educated enough/are too old/aren't old enough/generally pass judgement on you and why you shouldn't have children; complain the second anyone mentions something about their family although they themselves more than happy to blabber on about things that aren't particularly interesting to others; constantly interject "this is why I've decided I'm never having kids" into any conversation that mentions a child, etc.
I've been a strict vegetarian for 13 years and rarely - maybe once or twice a year - have anyone mock or disparage me for my choice, and they're usually a family member or friend who's drunk and thinks they've being cute. My whole attitude is that it's a personal choice that I am happy and content with for reasons that may or may not be relevant to other people, so why bother even bringing it up? I have friends who are vegetarian who think of themselves as being part of a subjugated minority and believe that they are automatically morally and intellectually superior to someone who eats meat, and they are constantly complaining about how often people give them a hard time about their choice. They bring up their choice and the reasoning behind it to people who don't share it, and attempt to shame them into agreeing with them, which usually results in them pissing the other person off.
I'm also an atheist, and haven't had anyone confront me for my beliefs since an angry, self-loathing drunken uncle four years ago. Really, he's the only person who's ever disparaged me for my (lack of) beliefs. Similarly, I view this as a personal decision that affects no one but me, so I don't really push it in anyone's face and most people seem to assume I'm a morally-upright, fairly religious fellow until told otherwise.
My only assumption, based on my experiences, is that it's only an issue for people on either extreme of the spectrum, who just can't restrain themselves from making their opinions heard - constantly, and by everyone. It's not like there weren't any couples before 2006 who had decided that they'd never have children or anything.
Um...hate to bring you this newsflash but nursing homes are FILLED with people who have children. This is the shame of America. Other countries cannot understand how children refuse to take care of their parents when they age.
From your remarks, I suspect you feel it's a legitimate reason for bringing children into this world. How DARE someone co-create life for their own selfish interests! And I guarantee that they are the first ones stuck in nursing homes because they were probably abusive to their kids when raising them. They just saw them as objects to make them look good and to be their nursemaids later on. How very vile.
Um, no. Please, please, please take your filters off I'm saying the exact opposite. Wasn't the first word of my post "Agreed". Sheesh
I personally think the government should step in and regulate who has children and limit how many, pass a pre-parenthood course, etc...It could be the best thing to ever happen to this country-seriously.
I understand the temptation for this, but trust me, you do NOT want to go there. Part of the reason why so many people breed irresponsibly is because of government policy (i.e. subsidizing single parenthood with welfare, food stamps, subsidized housing, etc.).
It's a classic example of Problem. Reaction. Solution. The government (deliberately) creates a problem with its policies (i.e. subsidizing single parenthood). Then there is a reaction...people get fed up with it and say "something must be done". Then there's the "solution"...which always involves even more government intrusion and control. The "solution" is always the thing they wanted to do all along, but wouldn't have been able to do if they hadn't created the problem in the first place. Since these types of issues play out over a long period of time, people don't see what's happening.
Last edited by mysticaltyger; 08-05-2013 at 07:35 PM..
I understand the temptation for this, but trust me, you do NOT want to go there. Part of the reason why so many people breed irresponsibly is because of government policy (i.e. subsidizing single parenthood with welfare, food stamps, subsidized housing, etc.).
It's a classic example of Problem. Reaction. Solution. The government creates a problem with its policies (i.e. subsidizing single parenthood). Then there is a reaction...people get fed up with it and say "something must be done". Then there's the "solution"...which always involves even more government intrusion and control. The "solution" is always the thing they wanted to do all along, but wouldn't have been able to do if they hadn't created the crisis. Since these types of issues play out over a long period of time, people don't see what's happening.
I don't subscribe to this line of thinking, but your post did motivate me to take a closer look at my family tree. Although I already suspected as much, because both my husband and I come from families with quite a few only children and people who remained childless, one would have to go back at least six generations to find a 100% replacement rate, believe it or not. Given our history of low fecundity, I feel no qualms whatsoever about having had children. Neither do I feel prone to pressure my children into having children of their own. It's up to them.
I agree. I don't have kids, but I think this "diminishing resources" stuff is pure BS. The global elite has kept many technologies off the market for the sake of hoarding knowledge, power, and control. I mean, does anyone really think they didn't develop a pollution free, super energy efficient technology to power cars a long, long, time ago? The technology we use to power our cars is 100 years old, for heaven's sake!
Neither having nor not having children is inherently selfish.
Most people I know who have decided not to have children get along just fine for any one of a number of reasons and don't feel subjugated at all. A lot of the self-identified "child free" folks who endlessly complain about how much crap they get for not having kids are also the ones who will engage you in a conversation about things such as why it's inherently more moral to not have children; how you'll be a crap parent because you don't make enough/aren't educated enough/are too old/aren't old enough/generally pass judgement on you and why you shouldn't have children; complain the second anyone mentions something about their family although they themselves more than happy to blabber on about things that aren't particularly interesting to others; constantly interject "this is why I've decided I'm never having kids" into any conversation that mentions a child, etc.
I've been a strict vegetarian for 13 years and rarely - maybe once or twice a year - have anyone mock or disparage me for my choice, and they're usually a family member or friend who's drunk and thinks they've being cute. My whole attitude is that it's a personal choice that I am happy and content with for reasons that may or may not be relevant to other people, so why bother even bringing it up? I have friends who are vegetarian who think of themselves as being part of a subjugated minority and believe that they are automatically morally and intellectually superior to someone who eats meat, and they are constantly complaining about how often people give them a hard time about their choice. They bring up their choice and the reasoning behind it to people who don't share it, and attempt to shame them into agreeing with them, which usually results in them pissing the other person off.
I'm also an atheist, and haven't had anyone confront me for my beliefs since an angry, self-loathing drunken uncle four years ago. Really, he's the only person who's ever disparaged me for my (lack of) beliefs. Similarly, I view this as a personal decision that affects no one but me, so I don't really push it in anyone's face and most people seem to assume I'm a morally-upright, fairly religious fellow until told otherwise.
My only assumption, based on my experiences, is that it's only an issue for people on either extreme of the spectrum, who just can't restrain themselves from making their opinions heard - constantly, and by everyone. It's not like there weren't any couples before 2006 who had decided that they'd never have children or anything.
Agreed. Maybe it's because I'm a guy or because of where I live, but I've never gotten any crap for not having kids.
Couldn't care less about your reasons for being child-free. Neither do I expect that you care one bit about my reasons for having children. But I am getting awfully tired of the never-ending defensiveness and justification of lifestyle choices. That is all.
Agreed. For the most part, nobody cares what anyone's personal anything is...gheesh
I was called selfish by a co-worker a while back because I said I didn't want to have kids. I had the most confused look on my face.
I then asked if what was more selfish, not having kids or having kids that you aren't 100% dedicated to. She got quiet real quick after that.
I think you handled that well. What I can't believe is that so many people actually care what others do in their personal lives. I don't think whether other people have kids or not is any of my business.
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I'm saying the exact opposite. Wasn't the first word of my post "Agreed". Sheesh 
