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I think you have a good response too, and I feel it's probably fairly close to how my mother reacted.
But why caution against marriage for bisexuals? 'Mos and Bis can engage in long-lasting relationships and do. If a bisexual person fell in love with someone of the opposite sex, that seems fine.
I share your distaste with men/women who keep their homosexuality on the "dl" and marry someone of the opposite gender for cover.
Actually, I get this - In my straight spouse group I have met heterosexual women who are married to bisexuals. For those who find this out AFTER the marriage takes place, it is a difficult process for both. But there are those wives who participate in additional support networks, such as alternate path. Making a marriage work between a heterosexual and a bisexual takes a lot of communication and ongoing work.
My oldest son started a gsa when he was in high school as a reaction to his uncle's death. His observation of bisexual male friends who joined is that many of them did not really "get" the process of a relationship with girls, but were much happier with the guys. He had a couple of friends about whom he would comment "bi now, gay later". For many people, discovering their sexuality is a process, and marrying a straight woman could really be a mistake. Not sure what the payoff is for the heterosexual woman, but I do know several who find that they are attracted to bisexual men. I also know a few who have been crushed to have people telling them that your husband needing a boyfriend as well as you is just this perfectly normal thing. Not when your expectation is one on one.
But back to what I would tell my sons if they were gay - Marriage to me is one to one, fidelity, forsaking all others. I have raised my sons with that expectation too. In my church, there are gay men and women who live their lives with that expectation. There is no room for a third sexual partner, or for "open" marraige. So if one of my sons told me he was bi, I would caution him against marriage with a woman, and to be very cautious about marriage or committment to any partner. I would not want them to be married to a woman and realize that a sexual relationship with a woman was not what they really wanted after all, even if it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm relieved to see so far that I don't have to face this. With a gay ex husband, and a dead gay brother, both the boys have asked me if this is genetic and if there is any chance at all they could be gay. My answer to that is yes, some people think it may be genetic, and as to the second question, what do they think? They are most definitely not interested in the kind of pictures and videos that their father watches, which are exclusively male. The older one does well with girls, and just got engaged. The younger one also does well with girls, and loves to watch Ann Coulter with the sound off, because "She's just perfect until she opens her mouth".
So no, I don't have any gaydar alarms going off with either of them. But we've all had to consider this, and they may need to consider it with their children someday. So those are my thoughts.
My God, did you even read the points I made in my post?
Or try this: instead of reacting with more of the same ignorant ramblings, explain why you are against three people marrying. I justified my support of it (three humans, informed consent). Then we can discuss, k?
Actually...you know what? I'm going to quit here...I could argue and argue, but it really isn't worth it. Christians will never convince non-believers about why homosexuality (or gay marriage) is wrong. I could post scripture after scripture, but it will do no good.
I don't want to be the cause of any "flames" therefore I am just going to end it here and let it go...
I think just too annoy fundies I am going to start piping up and telling them I am a Lesbian and the wife is at home with our children...I imagine that kind of comment from someone who LOOKS rather unremarkable should make people who Gay bash stop for just a minute...
But back to what I would tell my sons if they were gay - Marriage to me is one to one, fidelity, forsaking all others. I have raised my sons with that expectation too. In my church, there are gay men and women who live their lives with that expectation. There is no room for a third sexual partner, or for "open" marriage. So if one of my sons told me he was bi, I would caution him against marriage with a woman, and to be very cautious about marriage or commitment to any partner. I would not want them to be married to a woman and realize that a sexual relationship with a woman was not what they really wanted after all, even if it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I definitely agree that to the extent possible, we should all be fully aware of our sexual orientation prior to building meaningful relationships. But, I dunno, I guess I'm reading your post as though bisexual people are inherently non-monogamous. Being bi doesn't mean one is unable to commit, it means one is able to commit to either sex. Anything else just means you're a bisexual *****. (Edit- hmm, evidently the board filters that word. How else can I describe it? Okay, it sounds like Hoar, like the frost. <grin>)
Your sons sound like great people. The best to them and to you, too. Finding out your (ex?)husband is gay has to be a rather difficult experience. And surely your sons would know by now, in their heart of hearts, if they are gay. Despite plotlines like Coronation Street, I've never met anyone who was 18/19 and suddenly realized "Omg, I'm gay!" -- maybe this could happen when someone was seriously repressed, like in an evangelical household, or something...
Last edited by jabogitlu; 05-15-2007 at 11:26 PM..
I think just too annoy fundies I am going to start piping up and telling them I am a Lesbian and the wife is at home with our children...I imagine that kind of comment from someone who LOOKS rather unremarkable should make people who Gay bash stop for just a minute...
What would you say to your children if they told you they were gay? Threads gone on for a while, sorry if I missed it.
I mean, if you really are a lesbian, and the wife is home with the children, what would you say if your kids came out to you?
"Welcome to my world"? "Have I got a girl for you"?
Seriously, the heteros get this question a lot. But homosexuals are parents too.
So whether you annoy anyone or not, what would you say?
Hmm, if I were a parent, and my child told me they were gay... Well, as a gay parent, hopefully they would know what "gay" was and how to identify it. (I didn't till I was way older... grew up rural South.) So hopefully this would be when they're 11, 12, 13, 14. I'd tell them welcome to the fold and to take plenty of time identifying who they are and who they like. Gay, straight, bi, transgender, doesn't matter to me, I'll still love them the same and give my life for them.
What would you say to your children if they told you they were gay? Threads gone on for a while, sorry if I missed it.
I mean, if you really are a lesbian, and the wife is home with the children, what would you say if your kids came out to you?
"Welcome to my world"? "Have I got a girl for you"?
Seriously, the heteros get this question a lot. But homosexuals are parents too.
So whether you annoy anyone or not, what would you say?
Well if you had read a little more, you would see that I am Hetero with a daughter, while I would hate to see her treated with the hatred and fear that Gay and Lesbian are treated with, I am fine with her being Gay...
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