My neighbors seem unfriendly - how do people in Portland get to know one another? (Dallas: living in, moving)

[hamellr]

Just "light up" and blow the smoke over the fence. Your neighbors will become friendly real quick. Or even unfriendlier.

Seriously though, have an informal BBQ, invite a few people over. Hire an out of work DJ for $10/hour to spin some tunes.

Oh I know! Go down to the local Starbucks and ask the barristas if they'd like to show off their art in a local art show. Have them setup in your front yard. Serve Oregon Wines and Oregon Cheeses (Rogue River Creamery specifically,) and talk about art.

[SETabor]

I know in our neighborhood, people tend to be friendlier with the homeowners than the renters. If you're going to become friendly with someone enough to have an occasional drink together, why spend your time cultivating it with someone who will move in 6 months to a year and you'll never hear from again? You'll see the person who buys the home for years and they're more likely to have a lawnmower to borrow when yours breaks.

[Deezus]

Originally Posted by SETabor

I know in our neighborhood, people tend to be friendlier with the homeowners than the renters. If you're going to become friendly with someone enough to have an occasional drink together, why spend your time cultivating it with someone who will move in 6 months to a year and you'll never hear from again? You'll see the person who buys the home for years and they're more likely to have a lawnmower to borrow when yours breaks.

Well, I guess that's part of it. Though it's also a bit of classism some times. Some years back I remember meeting someone who just moved to my North Portland neighborhood who saw that we both were taking the MAX at the same time every day to work downtown. They came over to introduce themselves and asked when we bought and how. When I explained I was just a renter who'd been there a year, they sort of made this little "Oh, really" expresssion and that was sort of the end of my friendship with the new yuppie in the neighborhood. Could've cared less though. I mean, I'm a employed middle-class guy in my late twenties at the time, I just sort of chose not to buy during anything during that time due to the inflated housing prices. Still don't know if I'll want to buy in Portland right now, considering how shaky the economy is here and whether I'll have to move to get a better job somewhere.

On the other hand the old school working class familiy next door, with a dad who worked at Freightliner for years and lived in the neighborhood for most of their whole life, was actually pretty friendly once we started talking to them. They could've cared less about who was a renter on the block.

[doggiemama]

I for one am not complaining but just agreeing with an observation. It's odd to me to pass someone on the sidewalk and say hi, and have them just look at me in response. But it's not negatively affecting my life. Juxtapose that with the extreme friendliness in grocery stores where the cashier asks you about your weekend, and it makes you go "Huh."

Excellent point about newcomers wanting to make friends vs. people who've been here a long time not being interested.

[UrbanAdventurer]

People here(in this part of the country) tend to be a little more leery of strangers and are less at-ease chit chatting in passing with people they don't know. Very much the opposite of somewhere like New York where random people will often ask a question or interject a thought towards you and will expect a casual/relaxed response, indicating you're not ill at-ease with them regardless of whether or not you're formally acquainted. Those types of interactions are less common in the Pacific Northwest which can be off-putting.

[turquoise1]

UrbanAdventurer, I think you hit the nail on the head.

That said, there are plenty of unhinged people who happily strike up a conversation with me in the park! A stranger came up to me to say that she could tell from my "eyes" that I was a good mother. Go me! lol

[AndyAMG]

For myself as a native born Portlander, it has to do with us actually being Conservative and Objectivists at heart. We are eco-friendly and love nature and the environment so naturally more liberal ideas come with that but it's a thin veil over our actual feelings. Here is a few reasons why I don't care about my neighbors or feel the need to talk to strangers.

1. People always share too much with someone they don't know, I have lived all over the country and a few foreign countries. I have found only Americans feel like they have to share everything with everyone. I don't care how many kids you have or where you live or where you went to school. Why are you telling me so much? I would never tell someone that I'm not likely to see again, or very often, my life story. But in Texas and Arizona it was just Too Much Info all the time. I feel TMI people are trying to drum up sympathy or try to get you to validate them in some way. It's annoying.

2. Inevitably you are going to say something stupid I don't agree with and I'm not going to pretend that I agree with your view point. If you are going to say something make sure it's correct. It's about trust for a lot of us "passive aggressive" types. Friendly and Trustworthy are not the same thing. I find the overly friendly type to be fake and the ones you need to watch out for.

3. Weather. I hate when people talk about the weather. Yes, it's raining, it will probably continue into next week. Yes, it might be 70 and sunny on Sunday then again it might not be. Talking about the weather in Portland is like when in Az people would say "it's hot today". Really? Stating the obvious? That's not a conversation I'm interested in.

4. I had my home broken into in Tucson, twice. The robbers were cousins/friends of my neighbor who I was friendly with and he was military. That's betrayal right there. I don't blame the neighbor, but allowing too many people to know too much info can end badly.

My current neighbors are an elderly lady in her 60s, who I do like and trust minimally. A couple of obese hippies in their 30s with no kids, who really want to hang out with us, but we have nothing in common. Across the street is a weird old single guy in his 40s who has a bunch of old loud muscle cars that don't drive parked in his back yard, it seems like he starts a car project then never finishes it, I assume he's a dock worker. Then the a Samoan family across the street, they are quiet and chill, we wave, but I suspect we have nothing in common. North Portland is the melting pot of the city. Our neighborhood isn't the best, I see a lot of odd people walking down the street. I have seen a guy carrying a sword down the street, I saw a woman talking to herself really loudly, and answering. I had a guy ask for instructions on how to get to the max, then ask me if I could spare fare money. I have had kids racing their Honda early in the morning. I had a guy trip on my curb and say if I gave him money he wouldn't sue. North Portland hasn't changed people have just been fooled into thinking its changed. All the same characters are still here. I plan on moving the family to the Camas/countryside area soon. I'm done with urban living.

[davemess10]

Sounds like you'll fit right in in Clackamas county. Good luck on the move.

[turquoise1]

I think someone is trying to make "curmudgeon" the state bird.

[classicanne]

I agree with everyone who said one of the best ways to make friends in PDX is through common interest/affinity groups. I've lived here for just over 2 years now, and for me, the friendliness in the area is just at the right level. I lived most of my adult life in the south, and the just-because-we're-neighbors-lets-be-really-close-friends-and-I'll-come-over-just-anytime-uninvited mentality we frequently encountered was wearing, to say the least. It was a great relief to come here where people are unintrusive and truly live-and-let-live. When I got ready to make friends, I joined music and writing groups that interested me, and got to know people through those shared activities, and it's all worked out well.