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well, long story short, my loser brother in law has cheated on my sister for three times with at least three different women. He has been very abusive verbally and emotionally (I am not sure if he has been physically abusive toward my sister)
I was at her house once, and I confronted him, "why did you do it? Why did you cheat on my sister?" His answer, "because I can."
Honestly, I don't blame my brother in law solely for being this way, obviously, my sister allowed this to happen to her over and over and over again.
I've been doing some research on abusive relationship, and this is what I found out so far,
"Psychological Effects One hallmark of an abusive partner is that he convinces the woman she is worthless or undesirable and that no one else would ever want her. The abuser often convinces the woman that the abuse is her fault, claiming that her behavior caused the abuser to react violently.
Many abused women also feel ashamed of their situation. They fear the social stigma of the "battered wife" image and try to maintain a façade of normalcy, even if this means staying with the abuser."
Some women seem drawn to guys who abuse them. I worked with a girl who would come into work with bruises and things like broken ribs, we all knew what was happening, but she said she "fell." When we sat her down and told her she didn't need to live like that she said "Well, I am to blame sometimes too, I make him mad." It was like talking to a wall.
If someone abused me that would be the first and only time, I would be gone. I just don't get it.
Some women seem drawn to guys who abuse them. I worked with a girl who would come into work with bruises and things like broken ribs, we all knew what was happening, but she said she "fell." When we sat her down and told her she didn't need to live like that she said "Well, I am to blame sometimes too, I make him mad." It was like talking to a wall.
If someone abused me that would be the first and only time, I would be gone. I just don't get it.
Don
I don't get it either. This is exactly why I don't know how to help her.
She said she loved him. I asked, "What is there to love?" She cannot give me any answers !!!
I know you love your sister but at the end of the day, if you can't cope with her life choices, you need to walk away.
Often people get into a weird sort of co-dependence, where the abuse is normal and makes them feel loved. It's not good, it may end up killing her, but there is not much you can do about it.
Imagine he is her heroin. She can't quit, because she won't quit.
Maybe she's absolutely petrified of him and is desperate for escape, but her reactions to your concerns don't indicate that. Also, you say he isn't physically violent, so maybe it's a game they share. All sorts of people are swingers.
Keep communication open with her by all means, just try to detach emotionally. She is your sister but she's only your sister, IYKWIM.
If I said anything to my brothers about their relationships, they'd tell me to p*ss off and rightly so.
I know you love your sister but at the end of the day, if you can't cope with her life choices, you need to walk away.
Often people get into a weird sort of co-dependence, where the abuse is normal and makes them feel loved. It's not good, it may end up killing her, but there is not much you can do about it.
Imagine he is her heroin. She can't quit, because she won't quit.
Maybe she's absolutely petrified of him and is desperate for escape, but her reactions to your concerns don't indicate that. Also, you say he isn't physically violent, so maybe it's a game they share. All sorts of people are swingers.
Keep communication open with her by all means, just try to detach emotionally. She is your sister but she's only your sister, IYKWIM.
If I said anything to my brothers about their relationships, they'd tell me to p*ss off and rightly so.
This is such a good post. Many great points. Thank you!
She was a quiet, sweet, nice lady before she got married. Now, she is a complete doormat.
My mom is a strong woman, my parents have been happily married for over 30 years. It is not like my sister doesn't have positive role models in her life. Our older brother is very happily married as well.
I think my sister is afraid of changing. She does not believe she deserves better. I just don't understand why!
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It was like talking to a wall.
