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You sound very depressed and you have every reason to feel this way but don't mistake this for the end. This is temporary. A roadblock. It's big but you can make it through. Are you still seeing your therapist? Have you already moved out? If not, it sounds like it is time. Do you have any friends or family who can help you make the next steps?
I haven't moved out yet. I and the kids can move in with my parents. I had a date set and everything. The winds in my sails have died. I am very depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. I have to so I can go to work. Talking to people about it brings me down. "Just get out, what are you waiting for,you're and have wasted your life with him blah blah blah."
I don't have the strength to do this. He so mean and nasty and it will be a nightmare. My heart can't take anymore. I'd rather die. Problem solved but I can't because of my kids.
I don't stay because I want to, I stay because u just can't do it. I have no drive left.
I haven't moved out yet. I and the kids can move in with my parents. I had a date set and everything. The winds in my sails have died. I am very depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. I have to so I can go to work. Talking to people about it brings me down. "Just get out, what are you waiting for,you're and have wasted your life with him blah blah blah."
I don't have the strength to do this. He so mean and nasty and it will be a nightmare. My heart can't take anymore. I'd rather die. Problem solved but I can't because of my kids.
I don't stay because I want to, I stay because u just can't do it. I have no drive left.
Can you enlist the help of your parents and/or friends to just get your stuff out of the house? If you can just muster up enough energy to ask, they may be able to help get the ball rolling. You'll be better off out of there if he is so mean and nasty, then you will be in the house with him. I understand how tired and paralyzed you are feeling but if you stay right where you are, things won't get better. You can't give up. It's not fair to you or to your kids.
Im not a therapist but I'm sure everything will be alot better once you get out of the enviornment your in. Its always good to change things up in life like a move or new job and in your case especially. My suggestion is buy yourself something nice like a new gadget or car or go to a spa for a day to get your mind off of things that are stressing you out. Suicide is the last thing you want to do and your kids would have a hard time coping with that after. My sister has been dealing with some massive depression the last few years and its tough trying to know what the right thing to say is but just remind yourself about the good times you had andequally as many good times you'll have in the future. Life isnt easy and it throws you down from time to time but thats how it is for everyone and it makes the good times in life even more special. I'm sure you'll be fine just keep your head up and good things will come don't stress yourself
I feel like Chicago might be a depressing city but IDK Move to Boston its got the convenience of a big city but its got a small town feel.
I was in an abusive marriage. The most important thing I learned was that just walking out the door was not the answer. The answer to getting out and staying out was to find out why I was with the guy in the first place, and why I stayed.
Even after I moved out I continued to focus on what a jerk he was, and what was wrong with him; when I should have been focusing on me, not him. About a week after I moved out (and of course was questioning if I'd done the right thing, could it have been all my fault, could I have done more?). . . thankfully, like a bolt out of the blue it dawned on me that "I" had problems and that "I" needed counseling to figure out myself.
I started counseling and it was the best thing I'd ever done in my life. With the help of the counselor I began the personal journey of getting to know 'where I came from, where I was, and where I wanted to go'.
My childhood years were filled with shame and embarrassment; and whatever was wrong in my family I transferred those issues to me, and believed I was a bad person and was trash. Suffice it to say that I walked on a path of self destruction, never believing I deserved better.
So I ended up with an abusive man and allowed myself to further my feelings of inadequacies.
Once I was able to accept the fact that I had serious issues and was emotionally addicted to my abuser, only then did the door open for me to learn the truth. It's been a journey of discovery that is priceless and a journey I'll continue as long as I live.
Had I not found out about 'me', and had I not learned to affirm myself, the odds are too great that I would have ended up with another abuser.
I haven't moved out yet. I and the kids can move in with my parents. I had a date set and everything. The winds in my sails have died. I am very depressed. I don't want to get out of bed. I have to so I can go to work. Talking to people about it brings me down. "Just get out, what are you waiting for,you're and have wasted your life with him blah blah blah."
I don't have the strength to do this. He so mean and nasty and it will be a nightmare. My heart can't take anymore. I'd rather die. Problem solved but I can't because of my kids.
I don't stay because I want to, I stay because u just can't do it. I have no drive left.
Just call your dad and tell him this. ^^^
You have to energy to do that. You're here, aren't you? If you can make yourself type this out, you can make yourself make a phone call that will save your children.
kat247 you are tired probably in part because you feel overwhelmed thinking of what is involved breaking away from this situation. It will require all your effort, but the outcome will be so much better for you and the children. Don't buy into whatever your husband says to try to demean you, and destroy your confidence. Like others have said, leave, now. Think of yourself, and your children, and the rest can be worked out later. All of us here felt enough compassion to give our advice to try to help you and your children out of the situation you're in, and it would sadden us greatly to find out you didn't take anyone's advice, and the situation became tragic for you and the children. Men like your husband actually don't deserve to be labeled in that category. They are sub-human brutes that have very low self-esteem, and find demented pleasure in making their wives miserable by deriding them. Everyone has worth, let no one tell you otherwise.
You just let us to know how weak you are now, and we hear you and we try to help you as we can as strangers and without knowing you personally. But you are the only one who can step out of the door.
You don't hate yourself. Your negative environment brainwashed you to think so and that is what changed your view of yourself. You are repeating negative feedback in your mind.
It is good for you and your kids to divorce. Negative environment is not healthy to grow kids or live.
Allow yourself to feel weak some time, accept it. You feel weak now, that is okay.
But also create new family with your kids, positive environment to you and your kids. Your kids always will love you when treated well, remember that. Give time for you to find your truly self again. It takes time and you might look it too fast, give it some time.
Then you will feel strong again. Now you don't feel strong but you ARE, because you are making your life better by divorcing. Your every action to make your life better is strongness even you would feel worse than ever.
Stop hating yourself, try to clean those negative happenings and words out of your system, don't carry them with you. Do things which make you feel happiness, even short time.
Give yourself better life without him. This is your life, don't let someone ruin it from you. You will survive
To begin with you, and the children need to distance yourselves from your husband before something worse happens. Usually as divorce progresses it gets nastier, and nastier. If you can find a women's shelter, or a relative that will take you and the children in, it would surely be better for everyone, and especially for you. It seems your husband is nothing more than a spineless bully that is trying to tear down your self-worth to make it seem his is better.
Never hate yourself. If you do, your husband has accomplished what he set out to do initially. Your children most likely look to you for guidance, so to give up, or to give indication to your children that the situation has overwhelmed you will surely distress the children, and be detrimental to their well-being. Above all, stay strong, and believe in what you must do.
I would agree, presumably safety is not an issue, and I would first consult with a divorce attorney to make sure moving out won't affect the divorce proceeds.
When you leave him, please do not be surprised if you discover you miss him. IGNORE your feelings on this. You are missing him because it is what you are used to. You will get over this type thinking and will be so thankful you stayed away.
You're in the middle of a sucky marriage to an abusive jerk, working two jobs and looking at a long, cold winter. Anyone in your condition would feel spent. The trick is to remember that none of it will last forever. If you were to kill yourself now, you'd miss out on the first warm day of Spring, the first night you spend peacefully in your own place and the first day you'll spend without listening to your husband being an a$$hole.
Keep your eyes on the prize. In the meantime, call a suicide prevention hotline and tell them what you've told us here. They can point you to resources in your area--a shelter, some counseling, some physical help.
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its got the convenience of a big city but its got a small town feel.
