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One thing I know is men are more likely to help women who are obviously having trouble with relationships than women are for men. What happens if there is a women seen alone in a bar etc vs a man? There will eventually be some man who will go up to her... For a man seen alone? I think being left to rot is quite the right term.
I think what is really the issue is not that america is over sexualized, but that the food in america is poisoned and causes obesity. Any slightness of fat on a girl quickly takes them off the market where as the opposite is not so true.
I don't think women have to date losers or weird guys etc but they should consider rolling the dice every once and awhile towards helping a loser figure things out. If I'm not mistaken a lot of guys do this for girls.
How about this idea: men and women who are not gifted at the courtship thing (due to looks and/or personality) both have it hard, but in different ways. The woman will tend to be ignored whereas the man will tend to be rejected because society expects the man to do the approaching.
the problem is worse for men. you need to understand who you're addressing here. as difficult as the situation seems to be for women, the average man has to struggle a lot more to land a date, than does the average woman.
this asymmetry is very apparent to most men (so much so that for many it's a point of obsession), hence the lack of sympathy for your plight from men.
i'd also say that the root cause in both situations is that people in general overestimate their own attractiveness. both average looking women and average looking men think they can snag that 6'2" investment banker or 25 yr old tight and toned girl at yoga class (respectively). when reality informs them otherwise, they cry foul.
Hmmm. I kinda disagree. I think most men overestimate their own attractiveness, but most women are waaaay too critical of themselves and are more attractive than they think they are.
One thing I know is men are more likely to help women who are obviously having trouble with relationships than women are for men. What happens if there is a women seen alone in a bar etc vs a man? There will eventually be some man who will go up to her... For a man seen alone? I think being left to rot is quite the right term.
I think what is really the issue is not that america is over sexualized, but that the food in america is poisoned and causes obesity. Any slightness of fat on a girl quickly takes them off the market where as the opposite is not so true.
I don't think women have to date losers or weird guys etc but they should consider rolling the dice every once and awhile towards helping a loser figure things out. If I'm not mistaken a lot of guys do this for girls.
No, the difference is that men approach and women do not. It's not about "helping". For a woman, a bar tends to be a good place to be approached by creeps who want simply to use her body for their own sexual pleasure. Not by men who want a relationship.
Think about this ... when a woman is approached by a man, how is she supposed to know his intentions? Imagine spending a day in her shoes if you can.
Do you not find it ironic that men who have trouble landing a date would lack sympathy for women in the same position? Hard to find a date is hard to find a date regardless of your gender.
you're entirely correct in that at the end of the day, being dateless while fully wanting someone in your life isn't a pleasant prospect for anyone - man or woman. my point wasn't that men deserve extra sympathy, merely that in the aggregate, there are more men who go dateless, or experience dry spells, than do women.
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Men however get to choose who to ask out. Women end up waiting to be asked out.
men also end up getting rejected a lot more often than do women, in ways that are more personal. if i asked you out and you said no, it's more likely because you specifically found me unattractive. however, if you just sit around and no guy comes up to you, the rejection isn't nearly so overt. look, i'm not saying that a woman who's gone without ever being approached by men isn't hurting inside at some level. i'm just saying that the "in your face" kind of rejection is more harsh, and happens more frequently, to men than it does to women.
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I'd say that puts women in the more difficult position. The only times I've ever been brave enough to ask a guy out, that act ended up turning him off as I was seen as too brazen. Women have to figure out how to get the guy to ask. That's hard to do when you don't have looks on your side.
it's a difficult position for women in the bottom quintile in the looks department. it isn't nearly as much of an issue for those above it. (for men, i'd argue that anyone below the 60th percentile is in a similar boat). in a sense, women have to choose from among those that choose them. if a woman is attractive enough, this isn't very limiting at all, because guys of a wide variety will muster up the courage to approach her in many different contexts. on the other hand, if a woman is homely, a much smaller number of guys will bother, so her choices will indeed be more limited.
i'd like to add here tho (and really, i'm not trying to be facetious), make up and attire can and do work wonders. even a very plain looking woman can end up looking significantly more attractive with the right touch up.
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I have a friend who never had dates either. Fate put her in the same classes with her husband who had absolutely no interest in her at first (he actually told a friend she was a total turn off). He said he never would have given her a second look but taking the same classes in college and being paired for a major project changed his mind. How do you think she had the upper hand here? If fate had not intervened, she might still be single. Because she doesn't have the looks, he almost passed on his soul mate. The two of them are more in love today than they were when they married. They are best friends and soul mates who might never have gotten together because she's not a 10 on a scale of 1-10 had fate not intervened.
the same story can be told of numerous couples where the woman had no initial interest or attraction to the guy, but he eventually won her over.
Hmmm. I kinda disagree. I think most men overestimate their own attractiveness, but most women are waaaay too critical of themselves and are more attractive than they think they are.
I'm not sure about that. Men can be very self-critical, but since the onus is on them to do the approaching, they have to "fake it," which is something I've never learned to do.
Hmmm. I kinda disagree. I think most men overestimate their own attractiveness, but most women are waaaay too critical of themselves and are more attractive than they think they are.
i wish i could agree, but that would mean denying much of my prior experience.
i think the problem is common among both men and women.
No, the difference is that men approach and women do not. It's not about "helping". For a woman, a bar tends to be a good place to be approached by creeps who want simply to use her body for their own sexual pleasure. Not by men who want a relationship.
Think about this ... when a woman is approached by a man, how is she supposed to know his intentions? Imagine spending a day in her shoes if you can.
Women do approach guys. They manage to get themselves positioned physically near the guy, and then glance over and things like that, or even initiate the conversation. I've done that, and I'm not unattractive.
please read my post again. i was talking about getting a date (as was the person i quoted), not getting into a relationship.
and yes, there are more women, but only because men die earlier than women. if you focus on a narrower age range (say, cutting off the upper limit to something around 40) you'll find that in just about every mid-to-large sized city, there are more single men than single women. heck, the ratio of male:female births in nature is something like 105:100. countries like china and india, with their female infanticide, are only going to skew the ratio further in favor of women.
How can there be more single men than single women, unless there are more men in the city to begin with? Unless they are gay, each attached man is with an attached woman, so they cancel each other out, leaving an equal number of single men and women in the dating pool. And for some reason, I don't know why, there seem to be a lot more gay guys than gay women.
Now, if you get to older women, they by far out-number older men, because ther men die earlier.
Women do approach guys. They manage to get themselves positioned physically near the guy, and then glance over and things like that, or even initiate the conversation. I've done that, and I'm not unattractive.
That's not the same as approaching as the men are expected to do. If I do what you describe, I will not get results. I have to do the bold approach, not the subtle one. It's different.
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Hard to find a date is hard to find a date regardless of your gender. 
