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Happiness all the time to me; but I do not have mental problem about it and know they too are probably looknig for a quite area. Yu have no exclusive right to privacy of that nature in a public place.
One of those things that most people know and expect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam
I'm not the OP, but have to jump in. The OP and I have no "right" to privacy when eating out, and I'm sure he'd agree. Neither he nor I ever said that.
It's not about whether the annoying people have the "right" to sit near me. It's that they have a lack of courtesy or a weird affinity that causes them to sit too close to people who are already seated.
It's like if you get onto a train, and there's only one person in the whole car sitting alone and reading, and you go and sit right next to them. That's just freakish. Do you have the "right" to sit there? sure. But why would you?
Are these people sitting next to you at your table? If they are and other tables/seats are available, that would be weird and annoying but if at another table, it isn't weird or freakish. Why would they sit there?
Well, we sometimes like the street view, to stay out of the sun, tables toward the back are sometimes cleaner, maybe we want to be able to see our vehicle because you look like you might break into it when you leave...............
Quote:
Originally Posted by pkbab5
Do you ever sit by yourself at a 4 seater table when there are plenty of 2 seater tables around? Cause that's what I always see, there's a whole bunch of 2 seater tables and only a very few 4 seater tables, and some loner will sit at one of the 4 seater tables and take it up, so that those of us with larger parties have to stand and wait or split up. When there's plenty of smaller tables you can take. Arg, drives me crazy.
But I bet you don't even notice the size of the table you sit at, or how many of that size there are? Right? It doesn't even occur to you that it's even a thing, right?
That's how everyone else feels sitting near you. They don't notice, or realize it's a thing. They are just sitting at a table to eat with no regards to you or your desires, because no one really cares. And why should they? You don't care about their preferences either, right?
Obviously there is some sort of paranoia and these people feel that they are being singled out so that their privacy in a private place can be compromised. Gosh, most people are just too busy thinking about their life to wonder if others in a public place need a certain amount of space. Truly, my take is that the people are going in by themselves and are comfortable, thinking everyone is looking at them and wondering why they are alone. They were hoping not to be noticed, still aren't in reality being noticed so they are here just using the forum as their sounding board.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TracySam
I can only speak for myself, but I never take up more space than I need. If there are smaller tables, that's what I take. Of course it's a known "thing." Bigger parties will need that bigger table, so why on earth would I sit there?
It's not about caring for the preferences of people who like to be alone, but about what possesses someone to intentionally sit near a stranger when they have the option to sit farther away?
You're overthinking this. No one else is thinking about the other people when they find a place where they want to sit. Maybe that's the table where they sat when they had their first date!
Are we talking about social anxiety disorder, possibly? There is help available for that, learning to deal with it, therapy, medication and I am being serious. Learning to deal with any kind of stress is well worth the investment.
Last edited by AnywhereElse; 07-29-2015 at 03:59 PM..
Hahaha, thank you for trying to diagnose me. If you knew what I did for a living, you would not have tried that.
Again, I can't speak for the OP, but since he's not responding, I jumped in, and can only speak for myself and others like me who like a nice space cushion around them. It's not about anxiety, shyness, or any kind of psychopathology.
It just about most of us expect others to think the way we do, and getting annoyed when they don't. It's not a huge deal to me, but like the OP called it, just a pet peeve.
When I walk into a fast food or pizza place to eat, my first thought (after "what should I eat?") is "where can I sit so that I can be away from other people? So when others don't do that, I think it's weird.
When people like you walk into a fast food or pizza place, your thoughts are about everything other than sitting near or far from others, so you pay no attention to whether you are close to or far from the only other diner in the place, and you think it's weird when we don't think that way.
When some people walk into a pizza or fast food place, they seem to have at the forefront of their mind "hey maybe I'll cuddle up to that total stranger even though she is alone and I don't know her." I guess if you are like them, you don't think it's weird, but I do.
Do you ever sit by yourself at a 4 seater table when there are plenty of 2 seater tables around? Cause that's what I always see, there's a whole bunch of 2 seater tables and only a very few 4 seater tables, and some loner will sit at one of the 4 seater tables and take it up, so that those of us with larger parties have to stand and wait or split up. When there's plenty of smaller tables you can take. Arg, drives me crazy.
But I bet you don't even notice the size of the table you sit at, or how many of that size there are? Right? It doesn't even occur to you that it's even a thing, right?
That's how everyone else feels sitting near you. They don't notice, or realize it's a thing. They are just sitting at a table to eat with no regards to you or your desires, because no one really cares. And why should they? You don't care about their preferences either, right?
Lol, nice assumptions. I'd wager that most introverts are more sensitive to all the variables, 4-seater vs. 2-seater included. The OP was talking about empty or near-empty places, where obviously there is adequate seating of all types available, if you accept his initial conditions. You moved the goalposts for no apparent reason except to get in your dig at "loners".
I sit where I want in a place.. Depending on where I am is where I sit... I don't pay any attention to you.. If you are annoyed by me so sorry sux to be you....
I don't believe they're sitting where they want... they're needy. They're choosing to sit, deliberately, where someone else is. I think they are people with a herd mentality and are huddling together to be as close to the next human as they can. I think it's a need, as much as it is for me, and the others here, who like to surround ourselves with personal space as much as we can.
I think these are the same people who tailgate you on the highway as if you're not going fast enough for them, and when you move out of their way, they don't go any faster. Turns out they just wanted to 'cling' to your behind.
ROFLMAO. I think you hit on one part of it for sure - thanks for the laugh!
A couple things to OP:
If you sit in corner by yourself in a fast casual establishment (good choice for security reasons in this day and age - view of other customers service area, entry - you will invariably have someone look at you.
If they sit near you it's likely the above (Vectoris mentioned) or any of countless other one off reasons. If you have that much anxiety I suggest:
1) always taking reading material with you so you don't have to look aimlessly ahead all the time. Remember if they're looking at you, you are looking at them!
2) If it's simply spacing and it's fast casual, it's pretty easy to get up and move around to a more comfortable position for you. (I'm assuming you are not waiting on server in these situations)
3) Realize not everyone has the same level of space needs nor presumption of others in that situation as being bothersome (beyond some inappropriate behavior)
4) Is it possible you forget to take some medication?
I select a table that is not occupied, is not in direct sunlight, which is clean, not under a fan and preferably, that has a view of my car. If that happens to be near you, live with it or leave.
This is a pet peeve of mine. Almost always without fail, when I go alone to an empty or near empty fast casual food establishment I sit in an obscure, empty corner by myself.
Then, out of nowhere, another patron by themselves or a family decide to sit directly in front of me or next to me making face contact even though they had the entire restaurant to choose a table from. I don't sit near the registers either, they had to walk out of there way to get close to my table.
When this happens, I usually get up and go to another table. Same thing if I am in an empty movie theater.
So what is more concerning, the folks who go out of there way to sit right next to a stranger or someone like me disgusted by the act and relocates?
Edit: This just happened again as soon as I posted this. Empty McDonald's, someone decides to sit directly in front me making face contact. I'm moving.
I wonder what would happen if I decide to stare at them, maybe they would feel uncomfortable enough to move.
Why do you care? Do you hate humanity that much? Perhaps you should look within yourself for the cause of your discomfort with this situation.
I don't believe they're sitting where they want... they're needy. They're choosing to sit, deliberately, where someone else is. I think they are people with a herd mentality and are huddling together to be as close to the next human as they can. I think it's a need, as much as it is for me, and the others here, who like to surround ourselves with personal space as much as we can.
I think these are the same people who tailgate you on the highway as if you're not going fast enough for them, and when you move out of their way, they don't go any faster. Turns out they just wanted to 'cling' to your behind.
THIS!!
Humans in general have a heard mentality and like to be where others are. You see the same thing in a pack of cars on the Interstate. You're going along just fine and then they group around you. Until one speeds up and the rest move off with him. If one is speeding the others will speed, but most of them will not by themselves.
Much the same when people move to new locations. There are the pioneers. And then there are the followers. One time we moved well outside Colorado Springs. Only a few houses there. Hard for the realtors to sell homes. Then once they hit critical mass, grocery came in and the houses started flying. Most people are just flat freaking scared to death to be alone and wait for someone else to be first to move somewhere.
Me on the other hand. Too many people move in and I move somewhere else.
The "obscure corner" you seek out in the empty restaurant is actually the most desirable spot where everyone wants to sit. You just happened to get there first. Nobody wants to sit by the kitchen, front door, cash register, bathroom, or in the middle part.
I remember reading somewhere that most people are really really uncomfortable, even fearful, of eating alone, they never go out to eat alone, they like other people close by nearby. It stems from a fear of being alone with themself some kind of primal terror at having to face introspection.
anyway i am NOT one of those people. i love being alone. i am an introvert and crave time to myself to think. so i go out to eat alone all the time. people are always saying how can you do that? i go out alone and eat and read alone and study and write alone.
my feeling is that people like to sit near you because they feel more comfortable having other people nearby, it's that aloneness thing that they are averse too. many people i've asked about this confirm it. they say oh it's so lonely otherwise i always pick a table near others, it just feels better.
i will spend hours in a place reading, writing, studying. i don't move if people sit nearby, if anything people tend to give me a wide berth, I think i put out a pretty strong field non-verbal message of leave me alone. I tune out others nearby, i don't make eye contact, i probably look rather eccentric, this helps too. try dressing odd. i didn't realize this but people have pointed it out to me. someone at work after several months mentioned that they've seen me several times at such and such place several weeks in a row. I was surprised, i said why didn't you say hi, he said you looked like you didn't want to be bothered, you looked really absorbed. another friend was a bit more blunt, he said "everything about you just says stay the **** away from me"
perhaps try to cultivate a leave me alone demeanor. Don't make eye contact, try to exude a bizarre or odd slightly crazed intensity. Someone once thought i was homeless and offered to buy me a meal, i was a bit scruffier that day than usual. it was pretty funny.
Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 07-29-2015 at 11:49 PM..
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