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I've had it. My childhood was full of bull****. Parents, teachers, and peers constantly treat me like I'm an idiot. I'm lazy, crazy, and mentally retarded.
College has been brutal for me. I failed so many classes to the point of losing financial benefits. I've been through cycles of jobs and can never keep one for longer than 3 months, because I get yelled at constantly by bosses and coworkers for screwing everything up.
I'm sick of people who expect me to be the same as everyone else. I'm tired of never living to anyone's expectations. I'm 25, been unemployed 6 months and have been trying to find a job only to come with nothing. It's tiring. It's overwhelming and I can't take it anymore. My parents spent all day and night working and expect me to get a job on a silver platter. Every time I have been job searching, I'm losing money on transportation costs with no result. It's starting to become a waste of time and money. Now I'm going to be thrown out of the house very soon and I'm prepared to pull the plug and end it. I don't even have the money to leave the house anymore and it's been very difficult for me.
Don't tell me to talk to my family. The most I'll get is a "get over it" and "grow up". They don't understand what I'm going through and I don't know either.
Gaming right now is the only source of my sanity. I can be in a fantasy world where people acknowledge your existence. Where no one yells at you constantly for being a failure.
ADHD and Autism is the most painful thing to have. I'd rather have AIDS and terminal cancer than live 60 years of my life knowing that I can't get or keep a job, ever get married, and live a normal life like everyone else.
I applied for disability but I doubt I'll qualify after the 20th time I applied.
I'm done. I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do and I'm going nuts.
Don't tell me to call some Suicide hotline as that hasn't helped me and it's not going to find me work.
So, you have puked a whole lot of your life out to us, and are threatening to take your own. What is it you want to hear? What can we possibly write in a few words to make your life better and change your mind? We are all on our own individual journeys, none of us have an answer for you, only you know what you need to do. Learn to ask questions and learn to listen and we can help you find your way. Write back if you're serious about finding your path.
So, you have puked a whole lot of your life out to us, and are threatening to take your own. What is it you want to hear? What can we possibly write in a few words to make your life better and change your mind? We are all on our own individual journeys, none of us have an answer for you, only you know what you need to do. Learn to ask questions and learn to listen and we can help you find your way. Write back if you're serious about finding your path.
My god, you sound like my 34 year old granddaughter. Hopefully you are still in your early twenties. Or you will still be blaming the world for your problems as a middle aged loser. She could have written a good part of this letter. Funny how neither one of you see the "common denominator", and that is YOU. the fact that you only want to game, and want to live off disability says it all. I don't believe even a small fraction of people with some of these new age "disabilities" are any more than prescription drug addicts, making their lives useless. Get off your butt, get off your drugs, become physically fit, then and only then will you become mentally fit. The world does not owe you a living. When you get your next job, be better than anyone else that has ever done that job, and you will keep it. Be useless, and you will get fired. Life is really simple until you yourself makes it difficult. There are simple formulas for success......there are dozens of books on the subject, try reading a few! And expect more from yourself. Hold yourself to a higher way of being. WHY OH WHY, are you not working for a gaming companY? Or developing games, or learning to program games. Come on, get on with it, you are 100 percent responsible for all of your own problems, now go fix them.
I just had to comment on this post.
People need to realize that mental illness is every bit as life altering as a physical one.
If you are mentally ill, every second of your waking life is painful, and most of your sleeping ones - if you get any sleep, that is.
People don't CHOOSE mental illness any more than they choose diabetes. Addictive behaviours like gaming and drug taking are a way to COPE with the feelings, they don't CAUSE them. Gaming blocks out reality so is a coping mechanism and has possibly kept him alive thus far.
I bet your granddaughter and OP never stood about as a kiddie and said to themselves "i want to be mentally ill when I grow up, live in poverty, have zero future, and loathed by everybody", now did they?
OP, you need help, and I mean SERIOUS medical help.
Suicide is never an option - it just passes on the pain to others.
If you love your family AT ALL, you cannot do it to them, no matter how much you may wish to.
Ignore advice like the above that blames you for your condition. Its like blaming a cancer patient for having a tumour.
Also please understand that as you are very young, very unhappy, very inactive and hopeless, you have a lot of ways that you can practically help yourself.
For example, windows always need washing. I've heard of boys who are millionaires by the time they are 25 because they started mowing lawns at 15.
Success doesn't necessarily mean A Paying Job. For a lot of people, it never will. Small business is what makes the world go round and that's something to aspire to.
The first thing, the very first you need to do, is get out of the house and get some exercise, even if its just strolling round the block or to the end of the drive and back. Then, when you get back, get busy finding some DECENT mental health help. Google it, there will be something available to you even if its a Charity.
Don't be proud either. Ask for help, you need it badly. All these steps seem tiny, but they are essential in building yourself a future you can actually look forward to.
Think about volunteer work, also. Your computing skills would be welcome most places, it gets you out of the house.
What you're doing right now is literally starving yourself to death. You have no outside influences to balance you, educate you, stimulate you. Computing is essentially repetitive, and no substitute for living breathing humanity which is just sitting outside your door.
I know but your comment seem to be about how you or no one else can give him advice.
I wonder if the if the OP has sought therapy. I'm not trying to be dismissive about it either.
OP from what you've described about your family life you might need getting over your childhood issues and the beating your self-esteem has taken because of it.
People need to realize that mental illness is every bit as life altering as a physical one.
If you are mentally ill, every second of your waking life is painful, and most of your sleeping ones - if you get any sleep, that is.
People don't CHOOSE mental illness any more than they choose diabetes. Addictive behaviours like gaming and drug taking are a way to COPE with the feelings, they don't CAUSE them. Gaming blocks out reality so is a coping mechanism and has possibly kept him alive thus far.
I bet your granddaughter and OP never stood about as a kiddie and said to themselves "i want to be mentally ill when I grow up, live in poverty, have zero future, and loathed by everybody", now did they?
OP, you need help, and I mean SERIOUS medical help.
Suicide is never an option - it just passes on the pain to others.
If you love your family AT ALL, you cannot do it to them, no matter how much you may wish to.
Ignore advice like the above that blames you for your condition. Its like blaming a cancer patient for having a tumour.
Also please understand that as you are very young, very unhappy, very inactive and hopeless, you have a lot of ways that you can practically help yourself.
For example, windows always need washing. I've heard of boys who are millionaires by the time they are 25 because they started mowing lawns at 15.
Success doesn't necessarily mean A Paying Job. For a lot of people, it never will. Small business is what makes the world go round and that's something to aspire to.
The first thing, the very first you need to do, is get out of the house and get some exercise, even if its just strolling round the block or to the end of the drive and back. Then, when you get back, get busy finding some DECENT mental health help. Google it, there will be something available to you even if its a Charity.
Don't be proud either. Ask for help, you need it badly. All these steps seem tiny, but they are essential in building yourself a future you can actually look forward to.
Think about volunteer work, also. Your computing skills would be welcome most places, it gets you out of the house.
What you're doing right now is literally starving yourself to death. You have no outside influences to balance you, educate you, stimulate you. Computing is essentially repetitive, and no substitute for living breathing humanity which is just sitting outside your door.
Actually you agreed with most of my post and repeated it. Perhaps saying it better. The OPs post sounds way too much like my granddaughters and a couple others I have met in my very long life. This is what altered my response to someone who is blaming a mental illness, when in fact everyone else's reaction (those the OP spoke of) points to it being as likely, drug addiction, fear, shyness, and preferring to sit on his/her butt and game all day on disability, and a myriad other issues that are nothing more than life experiences the OP and other simply don't like living with.
This country is notorious for blaming ADD and ADHD and feeding them stimulants at such an early age to keep them quiet in overcrowded classrooms. They are junkies and under achievers by high school. Not do to a fake physiological problem, but a convenience to those that don't want to deal with very active, hard to control children. Instead teach them discipline and self control while young, don't shove meds down their throats. We coddle, and reward poor early behaviors because the past 2 or 3 generations "discovered" a whole host of illnesses they could drug their children for without feeling guilty about it. After all they got a "diagnosis" and a prescription. They are now good parents. Voila of course there is debilitating mental illnesses. This one simply didn't sound like one to me.
I am a high-level autistic, socially awkward and tend to be argumentative/persuasive (always hard to gauge which) with management, though I have the gift of being able to swallow my pride, work hard and perform well. I also, like you, game quite a lot. I have over 10,000 achievement points in World of Warcraft and the Loremaster title among others, and I've been in the leaderboards in Diablo as well. But I have always worked a steady full-time job, ever since I got out of college, and even have part-time work on Sunday as well. Yes, I have a college degree, but it is in music and therefore is of little consequence. It has only been useful in getting piecemeal bit work as a musician for supplemental income; I would hardly recommend that path to anyone else unless they were already world-class.
I could have followed the exact same track straight out of high school. Which was take a crash course in Excel and Powerpoint, then (nicely) beat down the door of every temp agency on an hourly basis until they gave me administrative work. Rent a room, not an apartment, until you feel comfortable making the next step. Finding your life partner will be a good motivator during this difficult stretch. Deal with that for 3-5 years then move up in the industry into something more specialized, but still simple, like logistics or order management or purchasing. You'll never make amazing money, but you'll feel better. I live a pretty good and balanced life now, and survive pretty easily even in an area with an extraordinary cost of living.
Now this is a great post, straight from the horses mouth so to speak. If the OP has his mental problems, he/she still has the way out. Again, it's 100 percent your path in life to play the hand you are given and quit blaming the world. This is proof for sure.
Actually you agreed with most of my post and repeated it. Perhaps saying it better. The OPs post sounds way too much like my granddaughters and a couple others I have met in my very long life. This is what altered my response to someone who is blaming a mental illness, when in fact everyone else's reaction (those the OP spoke of) points to it being as likely, drug addiction, fear, shyness, and preferring to sit on his/her butt and game all day on disability, and a myriad other issues that are nothing more than life experiences the OP and other simply don't like living with.
This country is notorious for blaming ADD and ADHD and feeding them stimulants at such an early age to keep them quiet in overcrowded classrooms. They are junkies and under achievers by high school. Not do to a fake physiological problem, but a convenience to those that don't want to deal with very active, hard to control children. Instead teach them discipline and self control while young, don't shove meds down their throats. We coddle, and reward poor early behaviors because the past 2 or 3 generations "discovered" a whole host of illnesses they could drug their children for without feeling guilty about it. After all they got a "diagnosis" and a prescription. They are now good parents. Voila of course there is debilitating mental illnesses. This one simply didn't sound like one to me.
Actually it seems you don't agree with her post at all.
Before you 'pull the plug', find at least one other person in the 'same boat' you are. They will understand your plight like no one else.
Read my post titled, "Bogyman Syndrome" is about unwittingly believing concepts real"
It applies to EVERYONE, see what you've been doing before you 'pull the plug'.
it's not too hard to believe. adhd is a very misunderstood ailment unless your parents are extreme liberal left wingers.
What? WTH does liberal left-wingers have to do with loving their kids and being able to correctly understand a medical psych diagnosis? Are you saying that right-wing conservatives cannot do this? I find it hard to believe that any adult could be that ignorant. But....this IS the internet, so......
LOL.
I'm politically Conservative, and could easily--and WOULD--love and never fail to help my child with ANY psych problem he or she had. So i guess this right here sorta blows your whole OP outta the water, eh?
Hmm..that didn't take long, did it? LOL
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