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I'm a male who is in my 40s who has had some questions about my gender identity. I never really fit neatly into one gender. I was never good at or interested in sports, not good at fixing things, not very assertive. But on the flip side, I am not overly emotional, not into fashion and I suck at reading people's emotional states. The stuff that I like, music, art, fitness, reading, traveling is pretty much gender neutral.
So, on a whim, I took a few tests online to gauge how I rated for each gender. I don't have the links but one of them was the BEM sex role inventory and all of these seemed more involved or more rigorously constructed than the usual Facebook nonsense quizes like "Which Game of Thrones Character are you?"
So, I fully expected to come out in the middle somewhere but I was shocked that I pretty consistently scored much higher on the female side! On the BEM I came in at 20.833 out of 100 masculine points and 71.667 out of 100 feminine! This was a shock to me. I know that I probably shouldn't read too much into it but I really did not see this much of a skew coming.
In one way it's liberating because it explains alot of the questioning I've been doing. In another it's quite scary because my "role" to all of my coworkers, family and wife is typical male.
I have no desire to go "Caitlyn Jenner" and dive headfirst into the other gender but I think this does mean that not only do I not fit into either gender, I apparently fit in better to the female side. I'm not sure what that means. In some ways it feels like a relief, in others it feels scary and unknown.
You would know if you were transgender - trust me on that. It could simply mean you don't follow the gender roles society expects of you and that's fine. Live in a way that makes you happy and fulfills you.
Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
Once you open up the bottle of personal awareness, you can't put the genie back in.
It takes you deeper and further down the road to self enlightenment until one day you realize that, you are, who you are.
You can't hide from genetics, but you can put on disguises to cover what you don't want to see or enhancers for the parts you want others to see.
It's humorous that others can see us for who we are, but we can't.
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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That fact that you are not into sports, not good at fixing things, and not very assertive has nothing to do with your gender. Despite the traditional gender roles, there are plenty of women that are very much into those things. Taking such a test is similar to someone feeling sick and diagnosing their illness by researching their symptoms on the internet. Yes, there is a slim chance that what they find is what they actually have, but it's no substitute for going to the doctor, and more often than not, scares people when they think a simple stomach ache means they have cancer.
The thing said that I had 73/100 masculine traits, 43/100 feminine.
That means nothing to me as a mature, thoroughly straight, monogamous woman. It means that I am rational and unemotional.
The test really has nothing to do with whether one is "gay", "straight", or any of those new fangled nomenclatures about who or what one sleeps with, stands or squats to pee.
It's about neurology -- whether one is hard wired rational and assertive or emotional and nurturing.
So, OP, it just means you're a gentle-spirited guy. You don't need to go into therapy over it, or sign up to get your plumbing rerouted.
We're just diverse points on the human spectrum. The world needs rational women and gentle-spirited men for balance.
The thing said that I had 73/100 masculine traits, 43/100 feminine.
That means nothing to me as a mature, thoroughly straight, monogamous woman. It means that I am rational and unemotional.
The test really has nothing to do with whether one is "gay", "straight", or any of those new fangled nomenclatures about who or what one sleeps with, stands or squats to pee.
It's about neurology -- whether one is hard wired rational and assertive or emotional and nurturing.
So, OP, it just means you're a gentle-spirited guy. You don't need to go into therapy over it, or sign up to get your plumbing rerouted.
We're just diverse points on the human spectrum. The world needs rational women and gentle-spirited men for balance.
I'm a male who is in my 40s who has had some questions about my gender identity. I never really fit neatly into one gender. I was never good at or interested in sports, not good at fixing things, not very assertive. But on the flip side, I am not overly emotional, not into fashion and I suck at reading people's emotional states. The stuff that I like, music, art, fitness, reading, traveling is pretty much gender neutral.
So, on a whim, I took a few tests online to gauge how I rated for each gender. I don't have the links but one of them was the BEM sex role inventory and all of these seemed more involved or more rigorously constructed than the usual Facebook nonsense quizes like "Which Game of Thrones Character are you?"
So, I fully expected to come out in the middle somewhere but I was shocked that I pretty consistently scored much higher on the female side! On the BEM I came in at 20.833 out of 100 masculine points and 71.667 out of 100 feminine! This was a shock to me. I know that I probably shouldn't read too much into it but I really did not see this much of a skew coming.
In one way it's liberating because it explains alot of the questioning I've been doing. In another it's quite scary because my "role" to all of my coworkers, family and wife is typical male.
I have no desire to go "Caitlyn Jenner" and dive headfirst into the other gender but I think this does mean that not only do I not fit into either gender, I apparently fit in better to the female side. I'm not sure what that means. In some ways it feels like a relief, in others it feels scary and unknown.
I don't think you should put any stock in those tests. That BEM test says I'm a total man, basically, and I'm a heterosexual, married soccer mom who doesn't even own a pair of pants. It's just that I'm not a girly girl inside. But so what? There is no law of the universe that says you have to live a stereotype because of your genitalia. You are way over-analyzing things. You are allowed to have any personality traits you want, regardless of physical gender, and plenty of people do.
BTW, I see your sexism there, with tying "overly emotional" into being feminine.
Yeah. I'll bet your one of those people who see sexism everywhere.
I am really, really tired of people who get offended or try really hard to get offended at every little thing.
There was no sexism there.
I love the selective outrage though. The test and probably how I defined it in the Original Post were equally stereotypical of men and women but you chose to get outraged over something you thought was a slight against women. It isn't.
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