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Not caring what people think and the ability to navigate different social situations are two very different things.
Take the example of someone trying to get a job. Those that are socially adept would know to dress for the occasion. Someone that takes the time to dress well for a job interview is not doing it to impress someone. They are doing it because that is how you dress for an interview. People will still bring preconceived thoughts on anyone that comes into a job interview or anywhere else. Maybe the interviewer does not like something about the person. You can't change that.
Not caring what people think and the ability to navigate different social situations are two very different things.
Take the example of someone trying to get a job. Those that are socially adept would know to dress for the occasion. Someone that takes the time to dress well for a job interview is not doing it to impress someone. They are doing it because that is how you dress for an interview. People will still bring preconceived thoughts on anyone that comes into a job interview or anywhere else. Maybe the interviewer does not like something about the person. You can't change that.
But WHY is that how you dress for an interview? Because managing the impression that you make with those in that room can benefit you, that's why. You have a good reason to care what they think. You're not going to get struck by lightening if you waltz in wearing sweats. You might not get the job...but why will you not get the job? You won't be rejected by the fax machine or judged by the photocopier. It's the people.
I guess I believe that ultimately, behind any other justification for rules that you can offer, whether it is religion or law or values or "the way things are" that supposedly has nothing to do with "people" and "what they think"... I disagree because I think that underlying those things is a basic desire to please someone at some point, or other people in general. Maybe even just how you were raised and wanting to be the sort of person your parents would say is decent and knows right from wrong. At some point, practically everybody is going to care what SOME people think of them, and rightly so.
I don't honestly know how you can be socially functional otherwise.
And as I said before, this does not imply going and crying in a corner every time somebody disapproves of you or judges you or talks behind your back. There are plenty of times that we're better off disregarding the useless and unhelpful opinions of other people.
Knowing which situation is which...that's like Humaning 101.
I'm not sure why so many folks here are assuming that caring what other people think automatically means either obsessively keeping up with the Joneses, comparing yourself to others, or wigging out about the negative judgments of the people we really shouldn't listen to.
But WHY is that how you dress for an interview? Because managing the impression that you make with those in that room can benefit you, that's why. You have a good reason to care what they think. You're not going to get struck by lightening if you waltz in wearing sweats. You might not get the job...but why will you not get the job? You won't be rejected by the fax machine or judged by the photocopier. It's the people.
I guess I believe that ultimately, behind any other justification for rules that you can offer, whether it is religion or law or values or "the way things are" that supposedly has nothing to do with "people" and "what they think"... I disagree because I think that underlying those things is a basic desire to please someone at some point, or other people in general. Maybe even just how you were raised and wanting to be the sort of person your parents would say is decent and knows right from wrong. At some point, practically everybody is going to care what SOME people think of them, and rightly so.
I don't honestly know how you can be socially functional otherwise.
And as I said before, this does not imply going and crying in a corner every time somebody disapproves of you or judges you or talks behind your back. There are plenty of times that we're better off disregarding the useless and unhelpful opinions of other people.
Knowing which situation is which...that's like Humaning 101.
I'm not sure why so many folks here are assuming that caring what other people think automatically means either obsessively keeping up with the Joneses, comparing yourself to others, or wigging out about the negative judgments of the people we really shouldn't listen to.
I agree, although I don't always believe it's a matter of inherently wanting to please others as much as recognizing that how we dress/groom/style affects our relationships and careers. There are some circumstances in which how we dress shows we care for a particular person or situation. Generally I don't care what people think of my work as an artist unless of course it's to do with gallery representation or sales. Same with desire to wear the same colour clothes every day, and it only matters if I am attending a particular event, like a wedding where it does matter.
Is it psychologically healthy to have no concern what-so-ever how people view you? Or is there some sort of psychological benefit to caring about what people think about you?
As with lots of things in life I would say moderation and balance. I don't really care how people view me as long as it is not affecting the quality of my life, friendships or my work.
Here's a reality of life: What other people think does matter.
But like everything else the devil is in the details. It would be great if we could swear off everyone else's opinions and go on with life. But the quality of our lives is impacted by our relationships. And relationships are all built on perceptions. From personal relationships to business relationships having people think negatively about you can have a negative effect on your quality of life.
Does it matter what some random troll on the internet thinks? Of course not. Does it matter what my bank thinks about my credit? Yes. When my wife and I were dating, did her parents opinion of me matter? Of course it did. Does it matter to me what teenagers think about my music or clothing choices? Not a chance. Such as life. We take things like this on a case by case basis.
But generally the opinions of those we have close relationships with should always be considered.
I would point out that there is a difference between caring what people think, and presenting oneself with sufficient care to give the impression of caring what they think. A job interview is a good example. Do I really care in my soul what the interviewer thinks? Hell to the no. Do I need to make it look and sound like I do? Yes, up to a point.
What others think of you is their perspective and you can never really be 'them'. You will end up with analysis paralysis every time, and end up feeling exhausted. Always focus on yourself to do the best and expect that others will think good of you.
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