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I have listened to both men and women complain about the opposite sex. I have also heard both talk about their significant others in such a way that makes me wonder if they even truly care about that person. Yet some of those people have no trouble finding partners or are in long term relationships.
There are many factors why some people never find love. Treating your "man" in this case well does not always guarantee a woman will find a man who loves them, will stick around, and be faithful. There are some people who will stray no matter how well you treat them and other would use that kindness against you as they are just users. There could be many things that factor into why some people never find love. Attitude/mentality may or may not be part of the issue.
I think taste, location and age also have a lot to do with it.
If a woman is over 35, already had the love of her life (perceived so) it is harder for her to be interested in men. I go on personal sites once in a while. There are no men in their 40s. All 30s or 50s write me. I am not as interested.
I feel blessed I had it once, a shattering true love and not bothered if I don't again. Another thing that may hinder me is having a roommate who is male and takes care of a lot of needs (not sexual). But I imagine I may be more aggressive about dating if he didn't live with me.
I just broke up with my long time boyfriend. And the one before that died recently, poor guy. It usually takes me six to twelve months to find somebody else; I really don't have anybody in mind and wonder how long it will take this time.
Many times women colleagues in orchestras who have never been married have asked me, how come you always have a boyfriend or husband? The answer's pretty simple, really: I treat men with respect, I like them, I don't quarrel with them or criticize them, put them down, whine or complain, act jealously, or demand unreasonable things. No man that's worth anything will stick around for any of that. I also feed them well--good food, good coffee, good wine. And so worn out and tired they don't have the energy to pursue anyone else.
Why these women don't find anyone really has to do, I think, with their perception of men as adjuncts to their egos, a "thing" to be used, rather than a person.
Your thoughts?
If you just broke up with your 'long time boyfriend' and he, indeed, has been your boyfriend for a long time, how can you remember that it takes you almost exactly 6 months to 12 months to find a new boyfriend? Depends how long your long time boyfriend was your boyfriend.....and how far back you need to remember......
So apparently before him, you always had boyfriends within 6 to 12 months of each other.
I'm guessing your women colleagues in orchestras maybe do not meet men they are compatible with or men who are interested in them as often as you do.
And I'm guessing they treat any men in their life well - it's just that not all women are meeting compatible people and not all relationships last - even past 6 or 12 months or two years - and not everyone finds just anyone compatible.
Age can have a lot to do with how many men one is meeting. Any age past the age of attending university is rather downhill - as being in school at a university or professional school is the most fertile ground and largest pool for meeting partners.
Last edited by matisse12; 01-28-2018 at 10:01 PM..
I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing a healthy sexuality, and to deny it is prudish, which is dumb. I just broke up with my long time boyfriend. And the one before that died recently, poor guy. It usually takes me six to twelve months to find somebody else; I really don't have anybody in mind and wonder how long it will take this time.
Many times women colleagues in orchestras who have never been married have asked me, how come you always have a boyfriend or husband? The answer's pretty simple, really: I treat men with respect, I like them, I don't quarrel with them or criticize them, put them down, whine or complain, act jealously, or demand unreasonable things. No man that's worth anything will stick around for any of that. I also feed them well--good food, good coffee, good wine. And so worn out and tired they don't have the energy to pursue anyone else.
Why these women don't find anyone really has to do, I think, with their perception of men as adjuncts to their egos, a "thing" to be used, rather than a person.
Your thoughts?
You need to be teaching classes somewhere, anywhere!
You left out how you meet your men in the first place. That is the big hurdle that keeps many from not having a significant other - meeting someone who fits with oneself. Or meeting anyone at all. And then having that person be equally interested. And you have to attract someone in the first place.....
Concerts, dinners, the grocery aisle, through friends. Lots of gym time, yoga, art shows, professional functions, school, riding a bicycle. You have to get out. I don't own a television.
OP, it takes 2 to tango. Someone has to want to talk to the woman, while she's out, or when she's participating in a club, or whatever.
Of the permanently unmarried people I've known, there are several common factors.
1. Control issues. Some people need to have things their way all the time. When you are married, you can't be that rigid. You learn to accept that your partner's opinion is just as important as your own, and you know you need to be able to compromise and be flexible if you want to be successful as a team.
2. Self-absorption. These are the people who are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't have room for anything or anyone else. This is not necessarily a bad thing, though. Some people are merely self-centered, but high achievers are often so devoted to their chosen field that they don't have the time or energy to pursue romantic relationships.
3. Shyness, anxiety or self-esteem issues. Some people feel awkward around potential romantic partners. Perhaps it's because the person grew up without siblings and hasn't learned to be comfortable interacting with the gender they're attracted to. Some people are paralyzed by shyness or suffer from social anxiety that makes the idea of initiating a relationship way too scary. People with self-esteem issues feel deep down that they don't deserve to be loved, and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
3. Appearance or hygiene issues. Some people's prospects are limited because they are visually unappealing due to excess weight or some other body issue. Some people haven't learned good hygiene habits and may unknowingly be offending other people with bad breath or body odor. These are the easiest problems to fix, I think.
4. Lack of Access. Some people live in isolated regions where there are few opportunities to meet other eligible singles. Others may have little or no interaction with potential mates because of their jobs or lifestyle. For example, a family caregiver might not be able to leave the house, or someone who works with all men or all women might find it difficult to meet anyone dateable.
My mom was unlucky in love. She did marry my dad, but due to abuse she divorced him after nine years. Nine years too long IMO, but that’s another story. She then dated a man for 30 years. He did absolutely nothing for her. No help financially and he had no intentions on ever marrying her. He passed away a few years ago and I thought that would allow her to finally find true love, but she had no disire to date anyone. She barely even goes out just with friends. I hate to see her all alone, but it’s her choice so it is what it is. Just sad she never found a decent man. I suppose she still can as she still has a lot of life to live. She doesn’t mind being single though and she’s a very strong independent woman!
I truly think that love is just not in the cards for everyone.
Any age past the age of attending university is rather downhill - as being in school at a university or professional school is the most fertile ground and largest pool for meeting partners.
What age, exactly, is "the age of attending university?" There are numerous educational facilities where half the students (literally, 50+%) are non-traditional. Your thinking may be limited to formations of the past which bear little relationship to current situations.
"Downhill??" Really? ?? Sca-rew that.
Last edited by KaraZetterberg153; 01-29-2018 at 08:18 AM..
My mom was unlucky in love. She did marry my dad, but due to abuse she divorced him after nine years. Nine years too long IMO, but that’s another story. She then dated a man for 30 years. He did absolutely nothing for her. No help financially and he had no intentions on ever marrying her. He passed away a few years ago and I thought that would allow her to finally find true love, but she had no disire to date anyone. She barely even goes out just with friends. I hate to see her all alone, but it’s her choice so it is what it is. Just sad she never found a decent man. I suppose she still can as she still has a lot of life to live. She doesn’t mind being single though and she’s a very strong independent woman!
I truly think that love is just not in the cards for everyone.
Your poor mother. I don't think it has anything to do with luck. I think it has to do with low self-esteem.
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