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This treating grown people like children and infants has really destroyed them. All thru life the powers that be decided that they must be protected from anything that would offend them, hurt their feelings, etc.
now they have not learned how to handle any conflict that comes their way. it is not normal for an adult to carry a stuffed animal as an emotional support tool. it looks ridiculous. if they cant handle leaving their home without their stuffed animal, they really are weak and should have to learn how to be stronger.
i cant imagine them bringing that in to a job interview, unless it was for a toy store.
I don't care what they carry or what they wear or what they pierce. Lots of people do weird stuff. At least stuffed animals are amusing weird stuff. But cry rooms????
These people are supposed to be adults, not coddled 5 year olds.
I don't care what they carry or what they wear or what they pierce. Lots of people do weird stuff. At least stuffed animals are amusing weird stuff. But cry rooms????
These people are supposed to be adults, not coddled 5 year olds.
Well, it might help if society treated them as such instead of saying, every time something bad happens, that we need to raise the age to do this or that.
Well, it might help if society treated them as such instead of saying, every time something bad happens, that we need to raise the age to do this or that.
After 21, what are you not allowed to do because "we" keep raising the age limit (aside from a senior discount at Denny's or living in 55+ communities)?
After 21, what are you not allowed to do because "we" keep raising the age limit (aside from a senior discount at Denny's or living in 55+ communities)?
People are constantly talking about raising the gun age. One cannot rent a car till they are 25.
While those points can be argued back and forth to right or wrong, the point is that if one is held responsible as an adult at 18, if they can be sent to war or executed for a crime, then there should be no restrictions for other things (not mentioned because this is the psychology and not the P &OC forum), because society believes they are not adult enough.
One is either an adult or they are not.......and we wonder why we have this issue of people being over 18 and yet confused that they are not adult. Is it any wonder in this society?
People are constantly talking about raising the gun age. One cannot rent a car till they are 25.
While those points can be argued back and forth to right or wrong, the point is that if one is held responsible as an adult at 18, if they can be sent to war or executed for a crime, then there should be no restrictions for other things (not mentioned because this is the psychology and not the P &OC forum), because society believes they are not adult enough.
One is either an adult or they are not.......and we wonder why we have this issue of people being over 18 and yet confused that they are not adult. Is it any wonder in this society?
IMHO.
I've long thought the same.
Someone in their early 20s is still naive in a lot of ways, and people do treat younger people, (or those who are older but look younger) as if they are all morons, and could not possibly know anything of value. So, even without raising the age limit on something, society itself looks down on younger people.
In 2004, I had a blog. I remember writing about a news article that CA was no longer going to mark incorrect answers in red, because it was 'too upsetting' for the kids. Instead, they would use purple. And I remember the conversation in the comments where we talked about how messed up and totally unprepared for the real world these kids would be. Well. Here we are. This is what happens when people are babied their entire way through life. Now they are out there, in the open world, without a clue how to handle a thing - just like we said would happen, way back in 2004.
No one ever 'lost' at anything. Everyone got a trophy, because we didn't want to have kids feel left out. We didn't want to hurt their feelings. We didn't want them upset. The best time to learn that in some things, you will excel, and in others, you won't, is when they are kids. But we didn't want that. We wanted them to 'feel good' all the time. It was thought to build their confidence. No. What builds confidence is learning about 'losing', and then one day, after a lot of hard work, winning.
I also believe parenting has a lot to do with it. These kids have been chauffeured around from one place to the next, their parents, if they were involved, stuffed them into every possible activity - it was go to school, go to piano lessons, go to dance, drop one off at karate, the other at swimming. To the point that these kids never really sat down and had a chance to think about much at all.
Or, you had the kids who were totally ignored by their parents, because the parents were too busy making as much money as possible, and those kids got away with all kinds of nonsense - although most kids will tell you that they'd rather have their parents around.
Anxiety issues are through the roof. People can't handle anything, anymore.
I also wonder if, in the effort to make 'mental health' not be taboo, adults went overboard in telling their kids, 'It's okay to be anxious. It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to worry. It's okay...blah, blah, blah' instead of things like a college professor said to me one day when I was stressed about a test in a subject I'm not strong in. "In 100 years, is it going to matter?" Telling me, essentially, to stop worrying about it.
It hasn't even been 100 years, and no, it hasn't mattered.
Heck, a lot of people, young and old, can't handle the cold, hard truth. They want it given to them in a flowery language way to make them feel better.
Overall, our society has grown very soft. I cringe when I see 20 and 30 year olds talking about 'adulting'.
We can't wrap the world in a giant safety cushion. Sometimes, you have to let people fall.
I agree with all this. And while I am willing to give individual people the beneit of the doubt, because I don't know their history, generally speaking this take is correct.
This "special" stuff, this "graduation from kindergarten" stuff, this "award for every little thing" stuff has been going on for many years. I remember it starting when my mid-to-late 30's children were very young. At first it wasn't over the top, but the movement quickly gained momentum. I don't have much direct contact with children nowadays, but I don't doubt that this kind of thing is still going on. As I mentioned, one of the ways to mitigate this silliness is to have children in team sports at any early age and don't give them a medal, treat or prize when they lose. I've seen that happen with my children when their team lost.
When I was a kid in grade school and wasn't chosen first, was indeed chosen last for kickball (even though I was very good at it, for example) I experienced some feelings about it but it didn't make me fall apart or expect any special treatment.
Parents must find a way to foster coping in children and teenagers without coddling them. Yes, our society is stressful, scary, negative, competitive, crucial things beyond reach for many but that doesn't mean we teach children to give up and then nurse their wounds while receiving distorted messages that do no good. In fact, it does great harm.
Now there's a curious observation, seeing those with stuffed animals as being fragile and the victims and not seeing someone who has, at least, a layered defence.
We probably were raised in different environs. On the path I walked over my 66 years, which included a fairly even blend of terrains from rural to urban, economies from hand to mouth to investment porfolios, jobs to careers ... a grown child beyond the age of 10 carrying a stuffed toy would be viewed as a bait.
This is all my personal values system but I was trying to remember how I handled it as a young person at college or some of my first jobs when I felt like breaking into tears.
In college we had friends, roommates, floor advisors, counselors and deans to help us with personal problems and emotional issues related to school life. There was always the final resort of calling old high school chums or one of our parents.
For work I believe I was taught you aren't there to deal with personal issues when you're getting paid so you postpone the tears until you've got the time and space to say, "Now I'm going to have a good cry."
I do remember in my twenties throwing my apron on the floor and saying, I quit!" In my thirties I went into an unused office, swore and threw my clipboard across the room loud enough for the whole floor to hear me. It didn't take long to see the occupational disadvantages of that behavior. Or the sense of helplessness.
It's a good thing to learn that you don't have to act out in public every feeling you are having. Gives you a sense of mastery over yourself and keeps your head clear for immediate issues. But it does take practice. We all know expression of feelings can be postponed and sometimes when we do that we find they are more manageable. The trick is to note them and be sure to deal some time later or they pile up. That's when you get that spillage.
Just like praying in public, visiting in the cry room feels a little cringy to me, a little too dramatic. But I suppose if I were of that generation I would have checked it out. When you're that age you don't always know much about how to handle feelings. People look for answers. Doing it in public at least carries the hope you'll obligate someone else to help with them.
I think the cry room was well-intentioned. But if tears in pubic are really okay, and sometimes we just can't stop them, I know I've just let a few go ahead and slide down my cheeks. I really don't need to go cloister myself if
I can be reserved about the theatrics.
Just be prepared for your concerns to be discounted and be ready to defend them. Even though we've come a long way it's still a common reaction to label those who "visit the crying room" too many times as dysfunctional.
In today's climate it probably won't be said out loud but you'll feel it. Does the college keep a record of how often you are there? More good reasons to do your emotional work with privacy and someone you trust.
When you are preparing for a life of work it could be better to discuss your feelings as a work in progress, something you are dealing with.
Parents must find a way to foster coping in children and teenagers without coddling them. Yes, our society is stressful, scary, negative, competitive, crucial things beyond reach for many but that doesn't mean we teach children to give up and then nurse their wounds while receiving distorted messages that do no good. In fact, it does great harm.
That's definitely true, but I also think older people have always said, "kids these days..." It might be important to think about why you think that if you (general you) had to suffer in silence growing up, that's the right way to do things. If you don't want future generations to live in a kinder world than you did, maybe you didn't turn out as okay as you say.
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