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Food for thought. I have the feeling the roommate's mother wants her daughter to be able to have a semblance of a normal life for her age, and possibly until now hasn't understood fully her daughter's condition. And still may not accept how serious it is. I get the impression she really wants to "mainstream" her daughter by sending her to college, and it's not working.
I will bet that the roommate has always had some issue and that was the original reason she was home schooled. The mother probably dealt with it at home; the roommate was probably never officially diagnosed, or she could have been with the mother not feeling that it was correct.
If the roommate ever went to a public school, I bet there is some sort of history from her losing it in grade school.
She was sent to college because she had been stable at home where she had her own little bubble, until now.
Sending her back to college is the wrong choice. The parents need to make sure she is stable for a good year before sending her off on her own. Possible they just don't want to deal with the roommate and her illness any more, especially if she has siblings who she takes it out on.
I'll be surprised if there is no history of her being unstable. It can't just be turned on and off.
I will bet that the roommate has always had some issue and that was the original reason she was home schooled. The mother probably dealt with it at home; the roommate was probably never officially diagnosed, or she could have been with the mother not feeling that it was correct.
If the roommate ever went to a public school, I bet there is some sort of history from her losing it in grade school.
She was sent to college because she had been stable at home where she had her own little bubble, until now.
Sending her back to college is the wrong choice. The parents need to make sure she is stable for a good year before sending her off on her own. Possible they just don't want to deal with the roommate and her illness any more, especially if she has siblings who she takes it out on.
I'll be surprised if there is no history of her being unstable. It can't just be turned on and off.
Bi polar doesn't even normally show up until around age 30. So, that does not bode well for how far on the spectrum she is.
You can't control the world; do what you have to do for your own daughter OP. Unfortunately, this may cost you up front. But, doing nothing will cost you more in the end. They are not going to discriminate against this bi polar girl because you said so. You need to vote with your feet and get your girl out of there (immediately).
My daughter frankly is relieved that her roommate isn't there. She feels guilty about that due to the circumstances but the truth is her nonstop talking greatly stressed her out. The roommate would also hover behind her and watch what she did on her computer. DD never felt like she could have a break. Now her anxiety has eased as she has time to destress on her own.
Currently my daughter goes to counseling weekly at the college counseling center but there isn't a support group available. However, she has joined a club for other students with high-functioning autism that has been great. She finally feels like she's met others just like herself. They meet at least once a week for discussions and socials.
The disability office was understanding about our solo-room request and yet kept saying "you should feel sorry for the roommate and her family". Yes, I do, but that does not stop me from being concerned about my daughter first as she has her own challenges that we are working through. Prior to college starting the roommate was a stranger. I have great sympathies and offered the family help if needed, but it is not my responsibility.
She should not be living with this person. At the very least her grades could suffer. I have a neighbor who is bi-polar. Visits me often and talks non-stop. I work out of my house and its very difficult to get anything done when she is around. I can at least not answer to door or phone. But being roommates would be impossible. Its not fair of her parents leaning on your daughter to be the support person for her roommate.
That's really good, Coloradomom. I hope your daughter can get the solo room and I hope the other girl can have the time she needs to adjust to her diagnosis with less pressure back home with her parents.
This morning I received a text from the roommate's mom who said she was taking a medical withdrawal as her doctor advised that. I am truly glad for the girl as she needs time to adjust to this without the pressure of school. She's only 17 and came to college with over a year's worth of credits. She could take an entire year off if need be and still be the same age as others starting out.
I can't speculate as to her history but I do think her parents have good intentions. Maybe the roommate exhibited symptoms before that went unnoticed because she was homeschooled and the parents had no context.
I do believe her behavior was already erratic for awhile which is why my daughter was so stressed. She just didn't realize how abnormal the behavior was.
That's the best news all around, Coloradomom. Both girls will be able to settle in wherever they land.
It really worked out without my daughter feeling like she did something bad (like saying she didn't want to be paired with that roommate and offending roommate and her parents). For the first time my daughter admitted she is feeling so much better about things mentally. I believe this was stressing her out much more than she realized. I cannot share this with people though because it sounds as if I am rejoicing over someone else's trauma but it resolved itself well.
This morning I received a text from the roommate's mom who said she was taking a medical withdrawal as her doctor advised that. I am truly glad for the girl as she needs time to adjust to this without the pressure of school. She's only 17 and came to college with over a year's worth of credits. She could take an entire year off if need be and still be the same age as others starting out.
I can't speculate as to her history but I do think her parents have good intentions. Maybe the roommate exhibited symptoms before that went unnoticed because she was homeschooled and the parents had no context.
I do believe her behavior was already erratic for awhile which is why my daughter was so stressed. She just didn't realize how abnormal the behavior was.
Bipolar can occur at any age but often occurs between the ages of 15 and 19, rarely after the age of 40. There are two main types of Bipolar disorder. Bipolar 1 is the more extreme of the two, while Bipolar 2 has much more milder symptoms. You would probably not even notice a person had Bipolar 2. It’s very hard to diagnose as well. I used to be a R.N. and had patients with both types.
Last edited by Iluvbeagles; 10-01-2022 at 12:32 PM..
Reason: Added a word
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