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The key is just being open and honest about what you both want. If he wants biological children he is not a LTR candidate for you. But there are lots of men who don't want kids, who already have kids and aren't interested in having more, and/or who are open to building a family through adoption. What do YOU want? Are you interested in raising children? Find someone whose goals are compatible.
Of course a woman (and man) brings value to a relationship besides reproductive capability, but being able to reproduce is ONE value a person brings to a relationship for most people, since most people do want to have children. I'm talking about relationships among reproductive age adults. Bottom line is that you will still have opportunities to have a relationship but I am sure there are those out there would exclude you because of your desire not to have children. Then again it will probably work in your favor for those that do not want children (a minority of men). You just have to find the right one. That's pretty much it.
Just me personally, I'm a man and if I were around your age looking for a relationship, a woman not wanting children would probably be a deal breaker to me. But that's just me personally, I would think there are those that think like me, and for others it would not be an issue.
Of course a woman (and man) brings value to a relationship besides reproductive capability, but being able to reproduce is ONE value a person brings to a relationship for most people, since most people do want to have children. I'm talking about relationships among reproductive age adults. Bottom line is that you will still have opportunities to have a relationship but I am sure there are those out there would exclude you because of your desire not to have children. Then again it will probably work in your favor for those that do not want children (a minority of men). You just have to find the right one. That's pretty much it.
Just me personally, I'm a man and if I were around your age looking for a relationship, a woman not wanting children would probably be a deal breaker to me. But that's just me personally, I would think there are those that think like me, and for others it would not be an issue.
Thanks. I think at this point I’ll just have kids, brittle bone disease be damned. If my future offspring have it, then so be it. Their quality of life doesn’t matter as much as my ability to have kids and provide value to a man.
Does a woman who cannot have kids provide any other value to a man in a relationship?
I’m a woman in my early 30s with a genetic condition I don’t want to pass on (50% chance). Why would any sane man want to be with me if I can’t bear him children?
Quote:
Originally Posted by easilyjaded
I just feel like I’m worthless to a man. I’ve been told I’m not suited for long term relationships because there’s no “return” for a man’s investment in me.
I’m just going to give up. Life isn’t worth living when you’re a woman in my position.
Your question is legitimate, and the truth is some guys will lose interest but there are many that won't.
Upon reading the truth in the responses, your second quoted response demonstrates that it is you that needs an attitude adjustment. Motherhood seems to mean a lot to you, so maybe start investigating how you can fulfill your motherly instincts with a like-minded man. What's wrong with adoption? There is no shortage of children in need of a stable family. You are still young and have options, maybe not all the options but quite a few. Why not make the best of it rather than throw in the towel?
Your question is legitimate, and the truth is some guys will lose interest but there are many that won't.
Upon reading the truth in the responses, your second quoted response demonstrates that it is you that needs an attitude adjustment. Motherhood seems to mean a lot to you, so maybe start investigating how you can fulfill your motherly instincts with a like-minded man. What's wrong with adoption? There is no shortage of children in need of a stable family. You are still young and have options, maybe not all the options but quite a few. Why not make the best of it rather than throw in the towel?
I honestly don’t have motherly instincts but I’m told that my only value to a long term relationship is providing children. I’d like to have a long term relationship again. But with this problem combined with me being old (34), it’s looking more and more likely that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone.
I honestly don’t have motherly instincts but I’m told that my only value to a long term relationship is providing children. I’d like to have a long term relationship again. But with this problem combined with me being old (34), it’s looking more and more likely that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone.
Where do you live, that 34 is considered "old", and the common belief is that women are only valuable as baby factories? Serious question. Do you live in the Mid-West or South? Or Eastern Europe or the Near East?
You do realize, don't you, that you can choose to ignore all that nonsense....?
I honestly don’t have motherly instincts but I’m told that my only value to a long term relationship is providing children. I’d like to have a long term relationship again. But with this problem combined with me being old (34), it’s looking more and more likely that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone.
You certainly chose the correct section. Sad to say.
Thanks. I think at this point I’ll just have kids, brittle bone disease be damned. If my future offspring have it, then so be it. Their quality of life doesn’t matter as much as my ability to have kids and provide value to a man.
Wow! You certainly are defensive. It's like you only decided to focus on certain parts of my post to form some kind of convoluted notion in your head that a woman can in no way shape or form have any value to any man if they can't produce children. I NEVER said or even implied anything close to that. All I'm saying is that men, like women, have requirements for a relationship. Producing children MAY be ONE of those requirements. Then again it may not be. No one will ever be relationship material to everyone else. There are plenty of childless couples or couples where one has children and one doesn't.
I don't know of any part of my post that is untrue. To me it's a realistic view of relationships. To be clear, I definitely believe you have a chance to find a great relationship and be happy, but realistically there will be SOME men that will reject you because the children issue. So you just go after the ones that don't have an issue with it. There are plenty out there. Attitude means a lot. If you have this attitude in relationships it'll definitely be a turnoff for potential partners. I actually would probably make the same choice regarding children as you're making. Why take such a big risk to bring children into the world when it's a good chance they will suffer. That would be selfish very IMO. 8 billion people in the world I'm pretty sure there's someone for you. Actually probably many people you could be happy with.
There are plenty of men who don't want children, or any more children than they already have. I assume the response to that will be, "Where do I find them?" Where does a man find women who don't want children? In both cases, it's a relatively low percentage of people interspersed throughout the population. This is where online dating comes into its own, because I'd guess there are dating sites that focus on people who don't want children.
Does a woman who cannot have kids provide any other value to a man in a relationship?
I’m a woman in my early 30s with a genetic condition I don’t want to pass on (50% chance). Why would any sane man want to be with me if I can’t bear him children?
Nooo, you sweet person. Don't think about you like that! A person's value is so much more than that. Of course there's value. Sharing your life with someone is an experience that isn't bound to having children. There are people out there who may either not want to have children at all or would be willing to adopt, if that's an option for you. But don't ever think for a second that a woman doesn't have value to someone if she doesn't bear children.
Of course there are gonna be people who will reject you for that, but when you think about it - do you really want to be with someone who would reject you for that?(not that it is bad, just a different life decision). So try not to worry about it, go date and look for that person who respects you for what you are. And have fun while doing it ^^
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