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Just gonna throw this out there: telling someone they should be "smart enough" to see through conditioning or abuse is damaging. She's gotten these messages somewhere and they are affecting her. End of story.
She's gotten them from redpill and manosphere websites, she has told us as much.
And despite everyone abundantly telling her how toxic those places are and why, she keeps coming back posting the same thread starters again and again. Three times now. Despite many pages of interaction on the previous ones.
My frustration is that she is repeating and signal boosting their ideology, first framing it as a question and then making statements as though they are fact.
My statement about her being smart enough to see through this stuff is because she is an educated person, seriously, she needs to understand that things are not necessarily true because some bozos on the internet say so. Embracing, absorbing, and repeating seriously unhealthy stuff won't do anything good for her own wellbeing or success.
Well, just let me sing the praises of women for a minute here, would you? Please don't tell me I'm stereotyping because I'm talking in generalities which have been observed for a lifetime. And I'm not just talking about our species. I have seen the same in females of other species as well.
We are the glue that holds it all together. We are sustenance and comfort. And we are shelter from the storm.
I'm not going to explain. Those of you who know this don't have to be convinced. But I'll tell you a story about my cats. It is the females who check the food dishes when they come in and tell me if they need to be filled.
I will make a regretful observation that for most of my life those of us who manage to rise to the top have adopted a male style in order to get there. Then we are seen as harridans.
This in no way suggests that men don't show these qualities also it just doesn't strike me that it's as innate for them and they often express them in way different than we do.
I am adopted and have NEVER thought of my mother as "less than" because she couldn't have kids. This seems like an odd question and one rooted in depression. I hope you're doing okay!
I honestly don’t have motherly instincts but I’m told that my only value to a long term relationship is providing children. I’d like to have a long term relationship again. But with this problem combined with me being old (34), it’s looking more and more likely that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Where do you live, that 34 is considered "old", and the common belief is that women are only valuable as baby factories? Serious question. Do you live in the Mid-West or South? Or Eastern Europe or the Near East?
You do realize, don't you, that you can choose to ignore all that nonsense....?
Please DO NOT have children if you don't have motherly instincts. That is very unfair to the child or children. Children cost a lot of money and are a ton of work.
You need to focus on the qualities you have that are desirable and capitalize on those. It doesn't sound like motherhood is a good idea in your case, though. There's a lot going on here, and starting multiple threads which are about basically the same issues is not going to solve your problem.
As I mentioned on another of your threads, I was born with a condition that causes me great stress and anguish. I did not pass it on to my children.
If your recent ex told you these things, stop listening to someone that is no longer a part of your life. Examine why the person broke up with you, why the relationship ended and work on those issues if necessary.
Well, just let me sing the praises of women for a minute here, would you? Please don't tell me I'm stereotyping because I'm talking in generalities which have been observed for a lifetime. And I'm not just talking about our species. I have seen the same in females of other species as well.
We are the glue that holds it all together. We are sustenance and comfort. And we are shelter from the storm.
I'm not going to explain. Those of you who know this don't have to be convinced. But I'll tell you a story about my cats. It is the females who check the food dishes when they come in and tell me if they need to be filled.
I will make a regretful observation that for most of my life those of us who manage to rise to the top have adopted a male style in order to get there. Then we are seen as harridans.
This in no way suggests that men don't show these qualities also it just doesn't strike me that it's as innate for them and they often express them in way different than we do.
Love this.
This is something I found helpful OP if you think you might be internalizing these sentiments. If you're on any of those pills subreddits I am sure you know they need someone to blame and for them, it's women.
I just feel like I’m worthless to a man. I’ve been told I’m not suited for long term relationships because there’s no “return” for a man’s investment in me.
I’m just going to give up. Life isn’t worth living when you’re a woman in my position.
I don't know who you've been listening to who has told you this, but you need to find a new friend.
I never had a genetic condition but was always clear on the first date already that I do not want children. I had no issue dating.
Just be upfront.
I am sure many men are happy about your condition - they don't have to worry that you get "accidentally" pregnant and they are stuck with paying $$$$$$.
My daughter either. She had tubal ligation at 26. She never wanted children. She makes it clear from the beginning that she isn't having any. She is dating a guy right now who has a kid from a previous marriage, but it's still fairly new. We'll see. Right now she is more into her job than anything else.
My experience has been 180 degrees from the OP's. My "value to a man" was that I did not have or want children. That has always been a plus in my relationships. I've had a lifetime of experiences I wouldn't have been able to have if saddled down with children. So I can bring all that to a relationship.
There's not a maternal bone in my body and I'm grateful for that. As are my past/present partners.
Mod cut.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 11-29-2022 at 05:30 PM..
Reason: Off-topic.
Does a woman who cannot have kids provide any other value to a man in a relationship?
I’m a woman in my early 30s with a genetic condition I don’t want to pass on (50% chance). Why would any sane man want to be with me if I can’t bear him children?
If you are 30 and need to have that answered by anonymous posters on website, I feel sorry for you
Parents should make children of both/any sex feel valued and capable of achieving pretty much anything they want within reason
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