Going out without your s/o - how much is too much? (women, loving)
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I would explain to him that you would much rather stay at home with him, but you don`t want to be ignored the whole weekend. Can you not tell him how you feel? If you have, and he doesn`t listen, then I would tell him again, as you make plans to go out. He will eventually, GET IT, or he won`t. And for you, you will eventually get tired of this same ol` song and dance story, or you won`t. Good luck!!
I told him my cousin was in town and I might catch up with him this weekend and my bf got the angry about me going out all the time. I probably go out one night every second weekend. Other than things like girls nights out, he is always invited to come with me but he ALWAYS declines! What am I supposed to do? Waste my youth sitting at home on the couch every Friday and Saturday night flicking through tv channels while he zones out on the computer and totally ignores me?
I am thinking of not going and suggesting that he and I actually do something instead, like go out to a nice dinner. I can see his point of view - if he was out every weekend without me I wouldn't be too happy, but the difference is when we get invited out by his friends I always come along no matter what, just so I can be with him. He gets whiney and doesn't want to come if he won't know anyone whereas that doesn't bother me, I love making new friends.
So am I in the wrong here??? Should I be staying at home with him more?? Have you experienced this in your relationship before?
P.S. please, spare me the "haven't you dumped this guy yet?" posts. Thank you.
If this issue was in isolation, I would say talk to him and work out some kind of compromise.
But in your case I will say Yes, you are wrong and so is he, because from all your previous posts it seems you both are not in the same place in life, have different interests, needs, general attitudes and expectations etc..
It's for you to figure out why that is and what it means to you going forward.
He should go out with you, or else let you go out without complaining. He doesn't know anyone because he won't go out to meet you friends, which is his problem. He may be an introvert, but even introverts can handle socializing with very small numbers of people. If he then finds he has nothing in common with them, then he has some reason to not always go with you. However, if you stay home with him then he should get off the computer and turn off the tv when you ask him to do so, otherwise what point is there in staying home? Not sure if he has control issues, or is jealous of your social life, but from what I hear, it's a problem of his own making.
It sounds like he's got social anxiety, which Taoist just brought up. My bf is the exact same way. Maybe y'all should just have a really deep conversation--and shoot, tell him you don't want to waste your youth away sitting at home while he's watching TV. If he's turning down offers to hang out with you while others enjoy your company (in a non-sexual/romantic way), then that's his problem and not yours. It's all about compromise.
If he doesn't want to go and you offered, I would seriously consider going by yourself.
I never used to, if he said no he didn't want to go I would just stay home with him, but I got sick of waiting for him to want to go out with me and to not be feeling like I'd be dragging him there kicking and screaming so I just started going out alone.
I don't want to neglect him but I need to have a life.
Some people are content to sit and home and spend time at home with their SO.
That's another thing I used to be ok with but I am not anymore. I have given a lot up so I can be with this man, including my dream of travelling the world for months on end. I need to get out there and do things one way or another. I can't just sit on my butt.
What is also frustrating is that he USED to LOVE to go out! He was the life of the party and would stay out hours later than me!
That's another thing I used to be ok with but I am not anymore. I have given a lot up so I can be with this man, including my dream of travelling the world for months on end. I need to get out there and do things one way or another. I can't just sit on my butt.
What is also frustrating is that he USED to LOVE to go out! He was the life of the party and would stay out hours later than me!
Then talk to HIM! It sounds like you two are in dier need to have a heart to heart!
That's another thing I used to be ok with but I am not anymore. I have given a lot up so I can be with this man, including my dream of travelling the world for months on end. I need to get out there and do things one way or another. I can't just sit on my butt.
What is also frustrating is that he USED to LOVE to go out! He was the life of the party and would stay out hours later than me!
That was how long ago?
Your bf is 45 to your 30 IIRC, he's not an old man but he may not necessarily want to hit up loud bars and clubs anymore. I know my dh & I have much different opinions about what constitutes a fun night out today than we did in our 20's or early 30's.
However, this alone is not necessarily a big deal as much as the bigger picture, which is your overall compatibility with each other.
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