Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I agree that having different strengths to bring to a relationship can be great and very complimentary. My husband is outgoing while I am an introvert, for example. We have many different interests and viewpoints which keeps things interesting.
I put those types of differences in a different category because I consider them less fundamental than emotional health, maturity, and being intellectual equals.
I do take issue with the author about needing to be professional equals. I don't see many couples who make exactly the same wage, or who have "equal" professions. That's probably not even realistic if you are trying to raise a family while at the same time maintain equal upward mobility in both their careers. But I do agree with his main points aside from that one.
That's not true. Men give a lot more leeway to a woman they perceive as hot!
As a man I can attest to above clever statement.
However.....
Something is being missed all together here. A women can have only a
Grade 8 education, but...if she is endowed with common sense she will
prove to be most attractive.
Common sense opens the door to compassionate consideration. General
compassion for the difficulties we all experience in life is very academic
in administration and management of the togetherness in a couple.
Some may hold many designations but without common sense for the life we live , the attraction evaporates.
An educated ice cube will never melt. Men know this giving way to the adoration of a priceless warm hearted women.
A good looker, would be less disgruntled and have room hopefully for
kindness, thats the quick instinctive motive at play here. (not that its always true)
Most enormously educated men, have much complication in their prof lives.
Simplicity, in harmony with good will and good judgment is a "very welcome" attribute in his partner.
Serious relationships are not about getting into 10 dollar a word discussions but , connecting on a magical level.
Connecting, with an individual who is living with "clarity and awareness" is
all that matters.
Finally, those who adorn themselves with a superiority thats grounded in
anything other than charity , common sense and an ability to refrain from "avoiding pain in others" are... mislead and rather un-intelligent.
No one likes a badge flasher, its basic insecurity !
Good luck ladies and have fun finding that special some one. If your set on a man who has a big time job or education, use your common sense and
check out some of the challenges he's engaged in.
Learning is part of life !
Last edited by stargazzer; 06-27-2010 at 02:23 AM..
The author is on point because people tend to require of others what they're lacking themselves. What I require of a woman, I possess myself or I'm in the process of acquiring.
I was reading something by the author and relationship coach Sylvester Mobley where he talked about getting from a man what we put into ourselves. He basically said that if as a woman we decide not to mature emotionally, develop intellectually, or grow professional then we can't really expect to find a man who has done all of those things. Speaking from personal experience I think we tend to do just that. We look for a man who is good in areas that we are not good in.
Coolit,
I think what you're suggesting requires 100% honesty and a lot of introspection.
IF both parties are willing to do that, I think we'd have less failed relationships and possibly a lot more single people or married people.
I was reading something by the author and relationship coach Sylvester Mobley where he talked about getting from a man what we put into ourselves. He basically said that if as a woman we decide not to mature emotionally, develop intellectually, or grow professional then we can't really expect to find a man who has done all of those things. Speaking from personal experience I think we tend to do just that. We look for a man who is good in areas that we are not good in.
That would be great if it didn't seem that there is a dearth of mature, educated, intellectually developed, mature, stable, professional, compassionate, mature and still single men in the 35+ department
A lot of women have all the above, have taken the time to develop themselves in a myriad of ways and, lo and behold, there's no men around who even come close to matching them.
That would be great if it didn't seem that there is a dearth of mature, educated, intellectually developed, mature, stable, professional, compassionate, mature and still single men in the 35+ department
A lot of women have all the above, have taken the time to and, lo and behold, there's no men around who even come close to matching them.
I think you are wrong. The problem is knowing where to look for those guys. Hint you will not find them at places you work or bars. Guys that reach 35+ and that are still single tend to be wary of women. They either are not good in that social aspect of life or no longer are seeking them out as heavily.
As for matching women in terms of education level what a strange metric to have. I could see basic intelligence, but some artificial thing as College degrees? And you mention Professional status. This tells me that you may not be as mature as you would ascribe to yourself. You still are looking for a higher perceived status male. Both of those things mean a standard that sets a artificial boundary to finding what you are looking for.
It looks to me as if you are full of yourself. Thus being full, you need nothing to add. After all, you have developed your self in a myriad of ways. You do not have room for anything perceived as less. I am sorry if this seems harsh. But after you get angry at me for having written it, you might take a look and see if it has any validity in how you act.
I think that the most successful happy couples are the sharply contrasted ones.
For example, my boyfriend is kinda mellow & chill, & I'm more excitable than he is. Everybody says we're "the cutest couple & compliment each other well." We don't argue as often as some other people. The only times we really fight is over the little things. I'm sure that'll change once we get married & have kids, but we're good together anyway.
So, in answer to this question, I think that people are generally atracted to people with strengths that they don't have. Not all of 'em, but most of 'em. That's because the contrasted people usually make the best couples.
I think you are wrong. The problem is knowing where to look for those guys. Hint you will not find them at places you work or bars. Guys that reach 35+ and that are still single tend to be wary of women. They either are not good in that social aspect of life or no longer are seeking them out as heavily.
.
Its interesting and worth observing, what overall traits in character we are comfortable with in
friends of the same sex.
For example, I'm male and cannot spend too much time with males who think there has to be a
"contest" in dominating overtone to role in time spent.
Also, I have found that limited life experience , regardless of education or social status (money)
can raise an uncomfortable, " know it all attitude".
The quality in brotherhood, in male friendship oddly in my experience cannot come close to being
measured in success through, education or money.
Therefore, in looking at theme of thread its easy for me to observe that mutual ease in
an on going relationship either male or female, would not be limited to a category of formal
academic achievement or dollars in the Bank.
Putting limitations on happiness, would seem to be self destructive.
Are we putting limitations on
ourselves, as we pre judge and limit others?
How about intellectually, though? Is it possible for an intelligent man to be with a woman not so intelligent? And same holds true for the other way around...?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
