Anyone else besides me interested in or currently in the DINK lifestyle? (dates, love)
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I aspire to be one-half of a DINK couple. Second choice would be a single dad with older child/children (almost out of the house), but he'd have to be pretty amazing. But even that's dodgy. With the depression looming, most of these adult kids aren't going to be able to get jobs for a long, long time. I'm not thrilled about being a financial support system for someone else's brood.
I do like children, but I've already done my caretaking duties for my lifetime, having taken care of a chronically-ill family member. My savings went along with it. The rest of my life is for me to enjoy, and I need to focus on being able to have enough for retirement one day rather than making such a huge financial investment that in reality, I doubt that any man and I could truly comfortably afford, especially in this economic environment.
i wish there were more people who dont want kids its hard to find people now a
day
I think that there actually are, but people are terrified to admit it. When I signed up for online dating, I went the "undecided" route at the "Want kids?" prompt simply because I didn't want people thinking that I was some kind of monster or child-hater. I mean, let's face it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. For a lot of people, it's just not in the wiring. But we're still made to feel terrible about ourselves if we don't go along with the rest of the herd. It's still all about peer pressure and fitting into societal "norms."
I'm not a guy who likes being around kids and would rather meet that special someone and a lifestyle that is-"Double Income No Kids"
Anyone in this situation? One guy at my job who is 50 is married and he and wife have no kids and travel a lot and I find that to be a great lifestyle. That's my dream someday
One of the big plusses of having kids around is if you've had a really stressful day at work, or very stressful commute home, you can bypass the wife, dog, gerbil and the cats upon entering the house and make a beeline for your kids and take your frustrations out on them.
But we're still made to feel terrible about ourselves if we don't go along with the rest of the herd. It's still all about peer pressure and fitting into societal "norms."
Eh, well ... that's one good thing about hitting middle age and becoming a Certified Curmudgeon I could really give a fruity f@rt about such things.
I have my beloved mate; a few family members I get along with; even more friends who are a mix of CF and parents who consider my life choices none of their business. Everyone else gets an eyeroll and "yeah, whatever" to opinions about what I should do with my life
"To thine own self be true" is a ubiquitous but handy mantra - one I pass on to youngsters going through the hardest years: 20s and 30s, where people will try to tell them how to live their lives. I can't believe I've hit the half-century mark; the years sure went by fast. With that comes the reckoning - have I made good use of those decades? Have I lived a life on my terms, or following the herd; going by what other people have said would be the best path? I'm extremely satisfied in knowing that I have, in the really important ways, gone the way I thought best. There have been people who said "you'll regret not having kids." It's been with a degree of smugness that I say "not a bit. ZERO regrets." It kind of ticks me off that those people would even have had the cojones to try to tell me how to live. Would they be living in my skin, passing all the years of my life? No. They certainly wouldn't. Realizing that is when I really stopped caring and listening. I am the one who has ownership of my life. At its end, I am the one who has to deal with its bad decisions and regrets - not the nosy butts who thought they were better advisers of my choices than I was myself.
"To thine own self be true" is a ubiquitous but handy mantra - one I pass on to youngsters going through the hardest years: 20s and 30s, where people will try to tell them how to live their lives ... Realizing that is when I really stopped caring and listening. I am the one who has ownership of my life. At its end, I am the one who has to deal with its bad decisions and regrets - not the nosy butts who thought they were better advisers of my choices than I was myself.
I think that you are absolutely spot on. But, having been at those tender, "prime family" years when everyone presses the idea of a traditional family on you, it was very hard. More young people and young couples need to be educated as to their choices ... as in, they have choices! I don't think that many of them believe that they do; I think that they approach having children just as though they would getting a job. You "have" to do both. Actually, everyone must self-sustain to keep a roof over their heads, but there's no rule that says that sustaining a child is mandatory except society's rule.
I liken it to three decades ago in the small town I grew up in for a spell. It was unheard of not to go to church. It's still unheard of not to have children, but it's basically the same type of foisting of a belief system on others.
That just seems so much more rewarding than taking lots of nice vacations.
It's a prejudice in thinking that CF people have airy, wispy lives of no responsibilities - able to just flit off on vacations, wine tastings and other frivolous pursuits. Those are the benefits, if the CF person chooses. Plenty don't and lead lives that are pretty staid and boring.
We can face the same setbacks, disappointments and disasters, only we don't have the innocent hostages to fortune to worry about in having kids. Considering the job losses, mandatory relocation and family drama I've seen in my life, I've always been glad that I never had kids to have to drag through such events. In turn, not having kids meant I could make decisions for myself that I wouldn't have been forced into just for the sake of them. Example: back in 1994, the company Spouse and I worked for announced "we're shifting operations to Colorado. Anyone who wants to keep their job has to move." We'd already been through one move, another was out of the question. We turned it down and lost our jobs. The majority of our childed co-workers didn't have that option. They didn't have the savings, couldn't afford to let health benefits lapse for their family, and faced a pretty rough economy in that time with few prospects for finding jobs. They, with a lot of resignation and resentment, moved.
Sure, Spouse and I could hop a plane tomorrow and head to Napa Valley (not that I especially like wine ), but in not having kids, what we appreciate even more is the freedom and options of what we can do with our lives.
We're a DINK couple, I guess. I'm not too fond of such labels, but it's okay.
Although a change of mind cannot be completely ruled out (he says he doesn't dislike the idea of having kids, although he's not too sure about it anyway, and I'm rather moody myself lol), I think it's highly unlikely. I love babies and I like toddlers, but after that children get too old for me to feel comfortable around them. I know I would love my children nevertheless, but since I'm not certain I would be a really good mother, I don't feel maternal and I'm so fond of my current lifestyle, I guess it can be said we're done
The Double Income part will never change, I hope! I would never quit my job, which I love, and he would never quit his. Even if he got fired or I found no work to do (I'm freelance), we would immediately look for other, similar if possible, things.
We like the comfort that comes with disposable income and all the trips and nights out and savings we can afford, that's true, but I could do without them. It's more a matter of doing what makes us feel more fulfilled and independent, plus a sense of duty (and we did discuss this in depth some time ago) that makes us think a child wouldn't benefit too much from having us as his/her parents anyway lol.
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I could really give a fruity f@rt about such things. 
), but in not having kids, what we appreciate even more is the freedom and options of what we can do with our lives.
