Anyone else besides me interested in or currently in the DINK lifestyle? (kids, sex)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I think that there actually are, but people are terrified to admit it. When I signed up for online dating, I went the "undecided" route at the "Want kids?" prompt simply because I didn't want people thinking that I was some kind of monster or child-hater. I mean, let's face it, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. For a lot of people, it's just not in the wiring. But we're still made to feel terrible about ourselves if we don't go along with the rest of the herd. It's still all about peer pressure and fitting into societal "norms."
yeah i have noticed that alot. even from friends wondering why im uninterested in it. its nice to know there out there though
personally i can understand why someone wouldn't want to have kids to a point. but to me, if someone just said "i dont' like being around kids" i personally would find that a turn off. yeah, ok, the world may end. we can't afford it. its a nasty world. etc etc etc etc. if a guy gave those excuses for not having kids, i could understand that. but if a man said he didn't like being around kids, i would run screaming. to me, that says, "i am not patient. i am not spontaneous. i do not like being silly or goofy. i can't enjoy the simple things". to me that is what children keep you in touch with. i feel more MYSELF with kids. like, wow, i can be completely goofy and stupid and get on the ground and play in the dirt. if you are the sort of person who abhors that, then you probably wouldn't like kids, so i wouldnt' like you.
and most people who don't have children wind up regretting it, always when it is too late. few people regret having children. in fact, i have never met anyone who said they regretted it. you regret what you didn't do in life, not what you did, most often.
I enjoy having my "me" time and time with my SO, which is currently uninterrupted by the responsibilities of raising kids. I like that we have the flexibility and extra money to travel, make plans without having to worry about much other than being home to let the dog out, that we don't have the additional medical bills, insurance costs, and grocery bills of having kids, that our time is essentially our own, that we have the luxury of focusing pretty single-mindedly on our own personal goals without having the care of tiny people as a consideration, etc. I get why some people don't have any desire to ever change that dynamic. For us, though, we do know that ultimately, we want the tradeoff of having our own family. So we're doing our best to have it both ways...time as a couple with no kids, and, hopefully, someday, time as a couple raising kids. Not sure if it's in the cards, medically, so we'll see. It's not like biological children are our only option, though.
"... most people who don't have children wind up regretting it, always when it is too late. few people regret having children."
I totally disagree. Of course people rarely admit they regret having kids because others would tend to judge them on that. And why would they admit it in front of their kids? However, I've known countless people who have been honest and said they wished they'd never had kids. When I went to my HS reunion a few years back, nearly everyone there admitted they wished they hadn't been saddled with kids: they were on drugs, expensive, a pain in the ass, disrespectful, etc.
In any case, my husband and I are DINKS. We never wanted children and have never regretted it. My colleagues all sit around at lunch complaining about their grown kids, pay for their rehab, their mortgages and bail them out of every conceivable jam and basically spend their entire lives paying for their kids. My husband and I spend every weekend in the summer hiking in Yosemite or the Grand Canyon, go on trips and do whatever we want to do.
Oh, another thing (and this is a biggie to me). Having children often puts a crimp on your sex life. Who wants that? With no kids, you have WAY more money, way more sex and way more fun (usually, there are exceptions). To me, having children would have been a hellish disaster. Childless and happy is the way to go in my marriage.
But anyone who thinks childless couples regret not having kids has obviously never been around a childless by choice couple.
I don't see why it's so difficult to grasp that different people have different desires and priorities in terms of whether or not they want a family beyond their immediate family/their partner/spouse. I also don't see why either choice has to be presented as the only reasonable choice. It seems pretty simple to understand that some people find great happiness and fulfillment in raising kids, and that some people definitely wouldn't. This conversation, though, seems to ALWAYS devolve into, "Here's why this choice is BEST." Seems like most people are pretty hung up on making sure that others see that their choices are validated.
Why would anyone want (or care) if anyone else has kids? What if someone hates kids? They're supposed to suffer through birthing and raising them to fit into some sort of societal norm? Millions of people can't stand children but have them anyway in order to satisfy the wishes of their friends or family.
The sane people openly say, "You know what? I'm selfish. I live for myself and I hate kids. They're pesky little buggers who bore the hell out of me. I would rather give my husband a BJ Saturday afternoon instead of going to some insipid soccer game because my bratty kid is playing in it."
Yup. That's it in a nutshell from those of us lucky enough not to be burdened with children.
Why would anyone want (or care) if anyone else has kids? What if someone hates kids? They're supposed to suffer through birthing and raising them to fit into some sort of societal norm? Millions of people can't stand children but have them anyway in order to satisfy the wishes of their friends or family.
The sane people openly say, "You know what? I'm selfish. I live for myself and I hate kids. They're pesky little buggers who bore the hell out of me. I would rather give my husband a BJ Saturday afternoon instead of going to some insipid soccer game because my bratty kid is playing in it."
Yup. That's it in a nutshell from those of us lucky enough not to be burdened with children.
That's what happened to my cousin at 28, my aunt kept asking her OVER and OVER "when are you going to have some kids? And then she made the decision
to have one
Right now, the DINK lifestyle seems wonderful to me...at least in my 20s! I like to travel, but I'll sure miss my family though.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
